Any older expectant mum's out there?

[45andfine]

I'm 45 and rather unexpectedly having a 5th child. It all seems more scary this time around, familiar, but with other worries.

The older and "wiser" I get, the more I actually feel sorry for younger women. There's this assumption that because you're young, you should easily fall pregnant, and then naturally fall into the perfect mother role. And when that doesn't happen the woman is left feeling like a failure. I had my previous brood in my 20's & 30's and I thought I should know it all and that it should turn out like the magazine's ( social media these days). I was desperately unhappy as I constantly compared myself to others. Other than the embarrassment of being pregnant by accident this time around, I feel quite liberated and confident... Long may it last! 😂

I also think in this modern society, people just aren't ready when they are young. Women want to go to university, find a lifelong partner, settle down, buy a house ect. That's without even mentioning living little first. That can't all happen before we are 20. Most people won't be ready until at least 30 these days, and by then, time is already ticking. I had my first at 33 and there is no way I'd have been in a position to create a stable home before then. Society suggests we are too young in our 20's but yet it is frowned upon after 35. So in reality we have a very small window!

I completely agree ladies. It's also very hard to meet the right person. I was ready in my late 20s but was in the wrong relationship and then another wrong relationship. Finally I met my DH at 38 years old. He also was in the wrong relationship for many years trying to make it work. We got married a year ago at 39 and just after we both turned 40 found out I'm pregnant. We're now at 14 weeks. It's been tough after two losses but we're both unbelievably happy to be having our first baby together now. It's made the struggles over the years worth it to be with the right person. X

Catconfusion - glad you found the right one in the end! It's not always easy is it?! I met DH at 26 got married at 31 and had first child at 33, but in our late 20's we weren't ready. We were living the high life in London, being young and enjoying being together as a couple. I don't think we are truly grown up until at least 30!! 🤣

Thanks. It's really hard @Cleozeta and with dating apps etc I think relationships are bit more throwaway these days. It seems to be a delicate balance between the right person and right time. It's good you had fun together before the big responsibilities came. We feel like we've hit the jackpot. I honestly thought I'd miss out on being a mum as it was getting so late. It's nice now because we've enjoyed our younger years and had fun albeit not together. It's a shame we've not had longer before kids but you can't have everything. We had a spectacular honeymoon to New York on the Queen Mary 2 to make up for it which was our first holiday together. X

Read a really interesting book a few years ago that basically said that as a society we have it all wrong. It's actually the role of the grandparents to raise the children, whilst the parents go live, work and learn about life. Only once they've done that are they themselves ready to rear children.

Having gestational diabetes tests on Friday. Anyone know how long it'll take? I have to be there at 8.20am...

You have your bloods taken and given drink and then you have to wait 2 hours then you have another blood test. All in all I was there about 3 and a half hours so take a book

Thanks @dipsy77 I'll take my crochet!!! I'm rather looking forwards to not having to do anything for that long!

@45andfine I wanted to take my knitting but my OH said there was no way he was sitting with me while I was knitting so I took a book instead

Got asked if I was buying baby clothes for my grandchild yesterday 😭😭😭. Suppose it's the type of comment I'll have to get used to over the next few years. Ignoring fact my bump is huge, I obv just look old and fat 😏

Oh no @45andfine people are so rude! I'm sure you look great and that was just an unpleasant and insensitive person.
I keep getting people tell me how massive I am, even though I thought I was doing ok at 13lb on at 26weeks. Apparently not! So rude!!

How's everyone getting on? Hope your all sailing through without too many niggles ?xx

Hey @Dipsy77 I'm coming up to 32 weeks and feeling a bit over it!
My back is fucked, my hips hurt and I've had a cold and awful cough over the whole Christmas and New Year break 😑.
This is my first baby (at 42) so I'm also starting to feel really anxious about what's about to happen which isn't helping!
Had some issues with the hospital too (thankfully now resolved) and all in all it's not been too troublesome a pregnancy, but I'm really starting to feel it now!
How are you getting on? How much longer for you?

@Dipsy77 Sorry - I'm an idiot and forgot you've already graduated to having had your baby!

Yes my little one turned 16 week on Sunday she is an absolute dream so chilled and sleeping though I'm loving it all the niggles and aches and pains are so worth it xx

Isobel is 13 weeks today.
I right little chunk, really loves her boobies.

I'm 38 will be 39 by time baby arrives I'm 16 weeks and youngest is will be 14 when baby gets here this was a surprise pregnancy but very much welcome after a miscarriage 7 years ago, this will be my third child and it's so daunting having to start all over again but I've also decided lots of things I want to do differently this time around both my older 2 are fussy eaters so I'll be doing more to get this one to eat everything, does anyone else have things they planed to do differently

@Goldenmother I had my first when I was 20 and now I'm 42 I'm so much more laid back it's amazing how quickly it all comes back to you, I'm less stressed we have a really good routine story bath bottle and bed something I didn't do first time round and we plan to do the baby led weaning instead of traditional this time round

@dipsy77 how did your baby get so old already?!? Any tips for settling it in with rest of family?

Now the date is getting closer I'm beginning to worry about how my older children will react to baby arrival. They'll be staying with their Dad whilst I'm having the baby, and whilst 2 have come around to the idea, the other 2 don't talk about the baby still at all.
Do I text them updates from the hospital? What can I do to ease the physical arrival of the baby in the house?? I have been leaving the odd bit of baby stuff around, but don't have cot/ pram/ car seat here for superstitious reasons 🤦.

You can bribe younger siblings with toys, but teenagers??? I'm at a loss!🤣

@45andfine I'm sure once baby is here they will be smitten. It's different for me as my 2 are adults (22 and 20) and they won't see me or ruby because I left their dad and they are very much daddy's girls. I'm hoping they come round, they still see my mum and she has said that they will come round eventually, it's been three years which seems like forever to me !!. I've enjoyed having ruby that much we decided to try again for a brother or sister for her to grow up with because we are older and I'm pregnant already which I wasn't expecting so soon!! I'm only 4 weeks 6 days but I'll be going through it all again with a baby, id forgotten how stressful the first weeks are every twinge and ache is a worry but fingers crossed it sticks xx

@dipsy77 Congratulations!! Those early days are so hard emotionally, the later weeks hard physically! I think you've just described my biggest fear- that my girls will all migrate to their Dad. He also won't talk to them about the baby which I feel they need, as it would help them accept he's ok with it. He just likes them feeling sorry for him.

I do hope you're girls come around, they're missing out ❤️

@45andfine thanks. Yes I think my girls dad and his family haven't any nice words to say about me , when we first split my ex told
Me my girls would
Never want to see me again I think maybe once they leave home things may change, how long have you got to go now it does get uncomfortable towards the end although u h at least there isn't a heatwave at this time of year xx

@dipsy77 agree re heatwave! Only 2 weeks left til D day. Spoke to ex about it all yesterday, but he just shrugged. Communication was never his strong point!

Will just try and reassure them, but tbh my recollections of having a baby are quite sketchy these days!🙄