Any older expectant mum's out there?

[45andfine]

I'm 45 and rather unexpectedly having a 5th child. It all seems more scary this time around, familiar, but with other worries.

@EN73 yes it is hard when it's impossible to know how a natural labour will go. I just saw a friend who gave birth naturally in 2 hours and was home by the end of the day. Her first was a horrific EMCS so she deserved an easy one.

@ParksAndRecreation I honestly don't blame you. I too have always been a bit phobic about childbirth. I'm secretly hoping my hip problem will lead to being told a planned c section is best. It's awful to be shamed for your decision. People are so rude. I have a friend who will see it as weakness if I have a c section but it's tough really. I think it's pretty bad ass to consent to being cut open and accept the longer recovery. She's already made me feel a bit like my pregnancy sickness isn't a big deal. Even though I've not been able to work or leave the house in weeks. Some people just assume everyone has it easy just because they did. Xx

Congratulations @Em38ma. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby. I have a tilted uterus too, so I had a c section after failed induction. Enjoy your cuddles!

I had my booking in appointment today and all ok with my blood pressure and everything. Have been advised to take aspirin from now though.

@Em39ma she's beautiful. Well done! I'm so glad it went well. Xx

@Em39ma Congratulations!!❤️ How beautiful.❤️ @ParksandRecreation at end of day THIS is what matters, a baby delivered safely and healthily, not their method of arrival!

@45andfine totally agree with you! It's just incredible that other women can be so judgemental. Particularly in my case, one who claims to be a real feminist and supporter of the sisterhood. Such bullshit!!

And @Em39ma CONGRATULATIONS! You must be so thrilled (and exhausted). She's lovely and this is what it's all about x

Hi, can I join please? I'm 40 and nearly 28 weeks with DC2. I've had a pretty easy pregnancy so far (touch wood) and will be delivering by elective c-section at 39 plus 1 (date already booked which I'm really happy about!)

@Catconfusion Badass indeed! It's as if being willingly SLICED OPEN isn't enough for some women! I don't give a shit if you had no pain relief and pushed a watermelon out of your fanny - that's so great for you - but I'm an absolute legend for walking calmly into a room, lying down with no fuss and have a stranger put their hands into my abdomen to fish out a person. 👊🏼

Hello @ceejay19 welcome! You seem to have walked into us raging about c sections!!😂 How come you're booked in already?!?

@45andfine I had an emergency c section with DS, so that plus an under active thyroid means I'm consultant led. I saw her a week ago and we agreed on an elective c section, so she booked me in there and then. The reason I'm so relieved is I'm due at new year, so it's really helpful to have a date sorted (means childcare for DS can be easily planned!)

I didn’t want a c section, as it’s major surgery and if I could it naturally I would.
I tried, I couldn’t. I listen to them and was told it was the best thing for my baby.
I can’t understand why other women seem to think us doing this is an easy way out.
It’s not , the thought is enough to put our blood pressure through the roof and in my case they had to be so careful with each drug, that they had to do them one at a time with a break in between to see what was going to happen.
I’m just ignoring anyone who thinks I had my c section out of choice and ease.

@ceejay19 ah I see! Maybe they'll book me in next time I go then. I like knowing the date! Like you say, helps with childcare! I only saw a locum at 20 weeks so maybe he didn't want to get involved

Well done @Em39ma she gorgeous! You've made it feel more real for me that my baby I will be here soon 😊
Welcome @Ceejay19 👋🏼

@Em39ma c section is definitely not the easy way out! It shouldn't matter to anyone how your baby arrived - you went by the doctors advice and that's the sensible parental decision to make! As you say, ignore anyone who has an opinion on it.

My previous c section wasn't choice - it was an emergency one insisted on my the docs. This one is my choice (but I have said to docs if I go into labour before the date we'll see how we get on). I've been told there would be a low threshold to c section anyway even in labour, so it's likely I'll end up there.

I didn't have any judgement or comments from anyone at all about how my son was born. Hopefully everyone will be so busy enjoying your newborn that no one will care about the birth. Congratulations by the way, enjoy the newborn snuggles!

Obviously the health and welfare of the baby is the priority but also the mental and physical wellbeing of the mother is important too. For some medical anxiety is debilitating and a c section is better because it's in a controlled environment. I just think it's a shame when mothers are made to feel like a failure for opting for surgery. As many of you have said it's not an easy option and carries with it significant pain and recovery time.

In my case my pelvis is not in good shape. I have very limited mobility and a don't have a hip ball on one side as it's been flattened with arthritis. Natural birth could lead to me not being able to walk or even a hip replacement soon after. With that in mind a C section could be the better option. I'm pretty open to what the doctors think is best though. X

We are back in hospital. I’m a bit of wreck, which isn’t like me and the fact it is day 5 isn’t helping.
Isobel has now lost 13.5% of her body weight, has jaundice and not getting enough to eat.
The hospital are being brilliant, but still feeling like a bite of a failure.

I'm so sorry to hear that @Em39ma Good the hospital are taking care of you! Sending love! Xx

Big hugs @Em39ma.
This happened to us too, it's fairly common after a c section I'm told. I felt such a failure but everyone was so lovely. I expressed a lot for top ups and eventually gave a bottle of formula in the evening - which actually worked really well as dh was able to do bedtime when I went back to my dance class.
My dd is 2.5 and we're still breastfeeding and she's thriving. Are there any groups near you that you can go to for support when you come out of hospital? Our local breaststart group was my saviour.
Hope you're OK. You're doing an amazing job.

@em39ma thinking of you xx I always wanted little gauge on my breasts so I could actually see what was going into my babies. I hope they sort it out, I remember it taking quite a few days with my first for my milk to come in. Keep up your fluids and feed every 2 hours regardless of what DD wants. (3 or 4 hours at night). You're def not a failure, look what you've made! ❤️ You need to give yourself some credit for that AND remember your body has had major surgery!

Can I join?

Sorry to hear your new @Mystie . I had an Mmc and I do roeember how sad it is. Fingers crossed for you.

Happy to hear there are a couple of other age gap families here! I am 41 partner 62 and this is our first. I am 29 weeks. We are keeping gender a surprise for us all- lots of failed ivf to get here so I just want a safe healthy bub!

Woke at 1 and couldn't get back to sleep been up all-night. Bump getting heavy and head now engaged after lying horizontal for ages - very heavy on the foof! Also blocked nose but otherwise fine.

Congrats @Em39ma hope little girl licks up her energy level soon. Deep breath. Stay calm for her x

Can I join? So lovely to see a positive thread for older ladies without all the doom & gloom and negitivity about stats.
I'm 42 and 8+2, had a scan last week and saw hb with good measurements. Next hurdle NIPT test in 2 weeks.
Had 2 mc last year so not getting hopes up too much until 12 week scan has passed successfully.
This will be #3 (and #3 c section!)

Hello @cleozeta Congratulations!! Such a relief when you see the heartbeat isn't it? I've decided that age is media fabricated nonsense! 🤣. Every pregnant woman faces challenges and we worry obsessively regardless. ( I was awake at 3am googling the pains I've been having around previous section scar and had convinced myself that my insides were tearing open!)

@45andfine the media bigs up over 40 pregnancies as a disaster waiting to happen in so many ways, it's so negative, and then people believe it and feel nagative towards it too, where actually, people have been having healthy babies in their 40's for years. So the miscarriage rates are higher, that's true, but it's not a given. We can still produce healthy babies, as this thread shows.
And yep, worries will hit us at any age! It's one of those things that is unknown, we can't always see what's going on (unless you are super rich and have your own scanner and live in doctor and sonographer - that would be handy!) But most of it is guesswork, and it's so easy to get freaked out by the smallest of things. Although, thanks to the lovely media I am freaking out about stuff so much more now than I did with my first two in my 30's.

@45andfine and @Cleozeta I completely agree the media are negative about older mums. Even the nhs website is really damning about pregnancies over 35. Fertility and health during pregnancy is such an individual thing. I know plenty of ladies who've had miscarriages in their early 30s. My husband and I lost two pregnancies but fell pregnant first time each time and with this baby too which goes against the 5% chance per cycle for ladies of 40. Yet my friend went into early menopause at 34. Of course for some there's an increased risk of miscarriage and it can take longer to fall pregnant but there's so many individual factors. I'd still advise younger people to have babies at the soonest opportunity but if that's not possible it still seems the chances are good for many! Xx