I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my second DC, very much planned and wanted.
This pregnancy has been tough. HG (mostly severe nausea) kicked in exactly two weeks after the positive test. It took 8 weeks to get any help from doctors as no-one would prescribe the medication that worked until I begged for a termination (please don't judge, i can't forgive myself but I really felt that bad and couldnt take care of my DD). I'm still struggling now but the medication takes the edge off.
I had several big bleeds and infections which were all a bit scary/miserable and added to the overall stress.
I realised at 16 weeks that I wasn't coping mentally and asked for help with anxiety and the guilt of requesting a termination. My referral was rejected by the perinatal team at the hospital I go to (nearest hospital but different NHS area) so had to be redone for the team who covers my address. It took 8 weeks to even speak to someone. The nurse comes out, has a chat, makes me feel a bit stupid and irrational then leaves. There's no action or treatment, no communication with the consultants or midwives at hospital. I haven't bonded with the baby at all and feel like I don't care about him, which I keep bringing up and no-one reacts to.
I also have gestational diabetes, which I had with DD. It kicked in at around 14 weeks and I severely restrict my diet while also trying to manage the nausea. It didn't work so I am now on medication and insulin to manage the diabetes alongside the diet.
DD was a large baby and had shoulder dystocia at birth. I was promised an ELCS in future pregnancies but had to fight for it. That process made me realise how traumatic her birth was and that I had actually suppressed most of the memories from it. My ELCS has now been signed off but a few doctors have suggested I will need some form of treatment for trauma in future. This baby is also measuring very big which adds to my anxiety. I am convinced that I am incapable of keeping the baby safe and that I don't deserve to have a healthy outcome to this pregnancy.
In the last few weeks, my blood sugar levels have dropped and I had a hypo in my sleep. The consultant told me if I had another one, they would admit me for steroids and prepare for an early delivery. I had one last week, they got me to go in for monitoring and then decided it wasn't actually a hypo so set an ELCS date for 39+1.
I haven't done anything to cause my blood sugars to suddenly stabilise and be really low - they sit just above the level that would be considered a hypo. I feel very unwell as a result - often as though I am drunk, shaky, weak, confused, my face goes numb etc. I feel on the verge of a migraine all the time and can't even watch TV or read a book. The doctor says these these are probably just general third trimester symptoms and unrelated to the blood sugars, but they started at the exact same time as my levels dropped.
I can't keep my sugars above the legal level to drive but the doctor doesn't care - she directed questions at my husband to find out if he could manage all the essential driving for things like nursery runs and they somehow all came to an agreement that I would just stop driving. I can't eat more to increase the levels as the baby is already big and that would most likely accelerate growth further.
That leaves me housebound. I have PGP so can't walk far. We live on the outskirts of a town but there's nowhere to walk to, not even a shop or any form of public transport. My family are hours away and my friends are all at work. The days I will have DD, we'll be stuck at home.
I'm aware this sounds dramatic but I feel like a prisoner. I don't enjoy staying at home anyway and now I'm completely trapped. I can't do any of the nice things I had planned for mat leave or even just go out for coffee.
So it's Day 1 of no driving and no company. I've cried all day, until I make myself sick and then it starts again. I didn't feel depressed before (just very anxious) but I definitely do now. I haven't managed to eat or drink, I've barely been out of bed. I feel like no-one cares about how I'm feeling as long as they all think the baby is ok, as though I'm just the vessel that is carrying him. I've started to have some quite scary thoughts about how I can just end all of this. I don't think I would ever do anything but the thoughts are getting a little too real.
I'm at my absolute breaking point and I don't have any options left. My community midwife isn't involved in my care at all because the hospital have taken over. The hospital don't care and the perinatal team aren't doing anything. I have 4 weeks left and don't know how to survive for that long. I asked if the ELCS could be slightly earlier and the consultant laughed.
Sorry this is so long, I didn't want to dripfeed. I know it all sounds ridiculous and that one person couldn't be so unlucky. But I don't know what to do as no-one seems able or willing to step in and help.