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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Partner gone out on stag do

28 replies

catnaps1995 · 21/07/2019 00:51

Hey sorry my threads always seem to be negative but I promise you it's not always the case.
Anyway so I am currently 37 weeks pregnant (2 weeks and 3 days till my due date). My partner has gone on a stag do for 3 days. It's in England so he isn't too far away. I was originally ok with it as I was under the impression he wasn't drinking, then a few days before he told me he was going to drink...again I wasn't happy but there is a train station where he is going and first time labour usually takes a long time so I was just about ok with it.
I was ok with him going as long as he kept his phone on him at all times and he didn't go into any strip clubs (strip clubs are something I'm just not comfortable with in relationships).
So I get a text late evening saying he was leaving his phone at the hotel as he hasn't got any way of carrying it (they are wearing fancy dress). I'm really annoyed cause he didn't check with me if I was feeling any pains or anything. He didn't even give me a number to call or what hotel he is staying at. I wanted him to have his phone on him just in case I go into labour. It's unlikely but anything can happen in pregnancy. I'm also annoyed as he knew I wanted him to take his phone with him just in case. I am pretty laid back usually but just in case I wanted him to be available. If I was to go into labour now I wouldn't be able to contact him at all! Surely if he can go out and carry his money/card then he can find some way of carrying his phone??? I feel like he doesn't care about my feelings at all. I feel really let down. I don't even know how I can get past this. Am I being unreasonable? Sad

OP posts:
Sadie789 · 21/07/2019 01:00

So if I were you I would forget about him for the next few days. He’s made the choice to go away at this late stage and have himself a jolly old time. If you go into labour and he’s not around or uncontactable that is a result of his actions, and is not your problem.

I would make sure you have a birthing partner available (mum, sister, friend) and if anything happens get straight on the phone to them and don’t waste your time trying to contact him.

He will miss out. And it will serve him right.

You worrying about it now, when he’s already away and likely drunk is not going to change anything or be good for your stress levels.

Who wants a drunk idiot with them in the labour suite anyway?

Original poster
catnaps1995 · 21/07/2019 01:02

Sadie789 thank you for replying! Yeah your right. It’s happened now. Also I have my sister who is very supportive so if anything does happen I know I can contact her.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 21/07/2019 01:12

He shouldn't be leaving you without any way of contacting him, that is completely out of order. I'm glad you have someone you can contact if need be though

Doyouavocado · 21/07/2019 01:13

I’m pregnant too and omg I would be raging. I literally wouldn’t speak to him until he got home and let him worry.

ysmaem · 21/07/2019 01:21

I can understand your frustration. The father of my kids, when I was 4 weeks from my due date with DS2 went to a party and he promised he wouldn't get drunk and he was absolutely bladdered when he returned home. Not only was I was close to giving birth and in so much pain but he woke myself and our first born (15m old at the time) up and I spent the rest of the night pleading with him to be quiet. We're no longer together but whenever I think about it it still makes me mad!

snitzelvoncrumb · 21/07/2019 01:25

Send him a pic of a baby in the morning. Let him panic for a few minutes.

hadthesnip2 · 21/07/2019 01:33

Try not to panic. He's only gone for the evening & it's very unlikely you'll go into labour tonight or even tomorrow. If you do, get your sister to text & call him- leave him a message & I'm sure he'll be at the hospital before you give birth.....they can take some time you know.

hadthesnip2 · 21/07/2019 01:34

Sorry.....just seen ge's gone for 3 days. Still....I'm sure everything will be fine & he'll get any message when he gets back in later this evening / tomorrow morning.

kkl1 · 21/07/2019 01:36

Tbh I wouldn't be screwing to much a little annoyed about the phone but I wouldn't cause a argument over it im currently 21 weeks pregnant an 4 weeks before I'm due baby's dad who I am with is going to Dubai and this is my third so and had other to before due date if I was u I would enjoy the time with your self order a take away an chill till his back

Original poster
catnaps1995 · 21/07/2019 02:34

Thanks everyone for the replies.
Snitzelvoncrumb I love that idea! XX

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 21/07/2019 03:05

This would annoy me. I randomly went into labour at 31+6 with my first (and only) and he was out four hours later.

I agree, send a picture of a newborn in the morning after ignoring his texts for several hours. But I'm petty like that.

Doyouavocado · 21/07/2019 07:23

Pleaseeee send him a picture of a baby!!

Gettingonabitnow · 21/07/2019 07:36

Yeah - send him a picture of the baby or something, it’s a genius idea and probably the only thing that will make him realise what he’s done was so thoughtless, as opposed to a massive bollocking from you x

Pineapplefish · 21/07/2019 07:39

YANBU - I wouldn't mind him going away for a few days but he needs to be contactable!

TwistyTop · 21/07/2019 07:46

What an arse. I'm so sorry OP, that's really disappointing. He needs a head wobble.

Anyway, as others have said, there is nothing you can do right now and stress and worry is no good for you when you're pregnant. Put it out of your mind and look after yourself this weekend. Make sure a friend or relative is around just in case the balloon goes up.

I also second the idea of sending him a pic of a baby and then ignoring your phone for the rest of the day.

BarryBarryTaylor · 21/07/2019 07:50

Send him a pic of a baby in the morning. Let him panic for a few minutes.

Bloody hell thats so cruel!!!

OP he is away with pals, it probably won’t happen again for a while. It’s a bit annoying that he is uncontactable for an evening but it’s not the end of the world.

Have you felt any twinges? Chances are you will still be pregnant in 3-4 weeks!

Fontofnoknowledge · 21/07/2019 07:56

Gosh that is awful. He sounds like he doesn't give a stuff. ! What circumstances are you in OP ? Long term relationship, baby planned by you both ? Or has this all happened very fast and by accident ?
Either way he is desperately trying to ignore the fact that he has serious responsibilities looming on the horizon.
If this was the former then you need to have a really strong conversation about his hugely unsupportive and inappropriate behaviour. He needs to get a serious grip.
If this baby wasn't planned and he is 'doing the right thing' by hanging around - now is the time to be really strong OP. Having an unsupportive uncaring partner in your life does absolutely NOTHING for you or your baby. They just add stress you don't need.

You have a right to expect a partner to care for you . At this time you have a right to expect to be cherished and looked after and kept as free from stress as possible. This has to come from the heart. It can't be faked or manufactured. He has to want to feel like this. If he doesn't. He needs to go.
You deserve more.

Bwekfusth · 21/07/2019 07:56

I would definitely send a picture of a baby. It's not cruel, he's been a knob head. Do it. Might knock some sense in to him.

AllOverIt · 21/07/2019 07:57

I'd be fuming.

DS was born at 37 weeks.

InDubiousBattle · 21/07/2019 08:00

YANBU he's being an inconsiderate arse, stressing out his pregnant partner.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 21/07/2019 08:05

Sending a picture of a baby sounds funny but is fairly manipulative.

Unless he’s always out drinking and doesn’t consider you or the baby at any point, then I could understand your frustration. But honestly, it’s unlikely he will get much chance now until the baby is born and much older. And he will never be as freely independent again once baby is born.

If you’re anything like me it’s probably frustration talking, I wanted to be freely independent (despite loving baby) and enjoying a party and drink. I hope you have some lovely friends and family you can rely on and spend some time prior to baby doing things together - cinema, meals and beauty treatments? I’ve not really managed them since baby arrived Blush

Congratulations and fingers crossed you don’t go into labour.

newmomof1 · 21/07/2019 08:16

I'm guessing it's only one day they're doing the dress for? If so, I don't think it's THAT unreasonable for him to go NC for one day over a fortnight before you're due, especially as by the time you made this post it was already midnight so he'd probably only be unavailable for another 4/5 hours and trains don't always run then anyway.

If they're doing it for more than one day, tell him to buy himself a bum bag or something so that he can carry his phone, although realistically he won't be much use if he's pissed.

It is still a few weeks before you're due and a lot of people on here seem to expect DH to have no fun at all in the month before you're due 'just in case'.

Don't stress until there's something to stress about.

And good luck with the labour and baby - hope the labour is as easy as possible! Thanks

InDubiousBattle · 21/07/2019 08:21

I didn't expect my dp to have 'no fun' for a month but I did expect him to be sober and on the end of a phone. Not unreasonable considering most pregnant women manage it for 9 months!

Academictime · 21/07/2019 08:23

I would be put out as you are because it’s not so much the fact he has gone away on a stag do at this late stage, and term is from 37-42 weeks, but the fact that he has not really put himself in your shoes and tried to understand how this may make you feel. It sounds incredibly immature and selfish to go out drinking and leave his phone behind and be uncontactable. Is he normally a responsible person? My husband did take it upon himself to stop drinking much around 36 weeks or so without me asking him to. It’s just part of being a responsible adult.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with the baby.

Frizzy1986 · 21/07/2019 08:26

I'd be fuming. Yes he's seeing his friends and that's important, but I doubt it's for the last time in a while. If he's going away for 3 days when you are considered full term he's going to be doing things like that when you have a small baby as well.
Dd arrived at 37+4 and although I had been uncomfortable and in a bit of pain on and off for a few days I didnt think it was labour. It was only over night that things got much more painful, but even then I wasn't convinced. My waters went the next morning and dd was out less than 2 hours later.
No way there'd have been enough time for dh to get home if he was a train ride away and had gone out without his phone.
Tbh I don't think dh would go away at that stage, but there were other things that dh did first time that I doubt he'd do this time as he's a bit more aware of what is about to hit us.

I wouldn't send a photo of a baby, just because although he's being an arse, I think that would be a bit much.

I'd sit there and say, yes he's being a t*#t, but then try and forget about him for now. He can feel the wrath when he gets home. At the moment you need to keep stress levels down and try and relax. If you have someone else on hand as a birth partner, then if things kick off, contact them first. So then they can come and be there with you. Then give him a call and tell him it's started. If he doesn't make it in time then that's his problem. He will have missed something amazing and will likely regret it the rest of his life.
You'll enjoy recounting the birth story of how he didn't make it in time because he thought going away drinking with his mates was more important.
What matters now is you, and he can deal with the consequences of anything later.

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