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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Two possible baby fathers

37 replies

bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 16:57

Hi,I have problem figuring out who's the father of my baby . My last period started on 9th of March,and my cycle is around 31-33 days. I had sex with my ex boyfriend on March 18th and we used the pull out method. We were together for a year and we always used the pull out method ,so he never came inside of me and I never had a pregnancy scare with him even tough I know that the method is not 100% effective. Also,based on my period and cycle,I wasn't supposed to ovulate until at least 23rd of March,or even later, so even if there was any sperm in the precum,it is almost impossible that it survived until my ovulation. I had sex with another guy on March 24th after breaking up with my ex boyfriend,and he came inside me. I took the plan B pill on 26th of March,but a month later I found out I was pregnant,and realised that I was ovulating around 24th of March,so that's why the pill probably didn't work. Does anyone have similar experience,or opinion on who is more likely to be the father of my baby? And please no judgement 'cause this situation is already hard enough for me.

OP posts:
GemSmith738 · 27/06/2019 17:06

I'd say it's more likely the second guy! Good luck and hope all goes well

Teddybear45 · 27/06/2019 17:07

Either of them could be as sperm can live inside you for a week. Suggest you tell them both and then get a dna test when the baby is born to confirm, presumably you’re keeping it.

AlaskanOilBaron · 27/06/2019 17:10

Isn’t there a way for you to find out in utero? Maybe you can discreetly get a hair sample?

No judgement Cake

How old are you? I feel like this might affect the odds.

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 17:49

Thanks for all the answers!
I know I can do the prenatal paternity test (preferably non invasive one,cause I had some problems with bleeding in the beginning of pregnancy and I want to keep the baby ) ,but from what I've heard,it's quite expensive ,and at the moment I'm not able to pay for it so I would have to wait until the baby is born . I want to make things work with this second guy cause we're together now and we would raise the baby together and find a place to live before the baby comes , but it is hard to plan anything without knowing if he's 100% the father,so I'm trying to get at least some peace of mind and advice.

I'm 23 :)

OP posts:
MissingCoffeeandWine · 27/06/2019 18:43

Hi BlueVelvet995,

Have you had your due date confirmed? Just wondering as I’m pregnant, my LMP was the 5th of March, with long cycles too!! I know I could only have conceived from the 24th of March (DH was away before that). My due date has changed a lot based on scans, but currently 21st December (though I think it should be the 16th, which fit with all previous scans but anyway 😂).

However, while that should suggest its your current partner. There is still a chance it would be the ex. Just because you didn’t fall pregnant in the year doesn’t mean you couldn’t. We tried for two years (in our twenties) before taking a break from trying and finally falling pregnant the first month of trying again.

Only adding this as you said you want to be 100%. You can make good guesses, but the only way to be certain is to have dna testing done. Hope your ok and taking care of yourself!!

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 19:19

Hi MissingCoffeeandWine,

Thanks for the answer! I still don't have a due date cause I found out late about the pregnancy,but I'm going to find out next week.
I know I still have to take the dna test ,but if my current partner decides to participate in everything until the baby is born,it would be easier if I have at least some conformation that he's most likely the father until we're 100% sure. Hope you're doing ok too!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/06/2019 19:25

So you can’t afford to pay for a test but you want to keep the baby? Confused

hadthesnip2 · 27/06/2019 19:51

Because once the baby's been born OP can claim benefits.....

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 20:05

I've came here just to get some help and advice from people who had similar situations. Abortion was never an option for me,and I found out about pregnancy not a long time ago so I still have to figure out and plan everything before the baby comes,and I'm sure I can make it work cause I still have time. But at the moment,I'm not able to pay for a non invasive test which is quite expensive ( at least for the standards in my country) ,especially cause I've recently started my studies in another country so I wasn't able to save any money yet. I know I've been irresponsible and that I made a mistake,but I'm trying to make best out of this situation,so I would appreciate if you would keep negative comments for yourself :)

OP posts:
plinkyblonk · 27/06/2019 20:09

You need to tell both of them! It's not fair to keep it from someone then spring it on them once the child is here. Happened to by OH and it's a mess tbh! better to be honest from the start.

I would suggest trying to find money for the dna test before baby is here that way you know where you stand for you baby and the dad.

Hellywelly10 · 27/06/2019 20:23

I dont know if its any help but on my first scan you could see that my baby had her dads profile. Hope it all works out for you op.

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 20:37

My current partner knows about the pregnancy,but I'm scared to tell anything to my ex boyfriend cause he didn't take the break up very well ( he started acting crazy,making threats,talking about killing himself... ), so I would rather wait to confirm everything , to see if I even have to talk with him or not. I will also try to get the money for the prenatal test,cause I know it would save me from stressing out about everything.

And thank you Hellywelly10, I have an appointment for scan next week so maybe I'll get some more information :)

OP posts:
Hellywelly10 · 27/06/2019 21:19

Babies really tend to look like their dads. Its an evolutionary thing. Flowers

Wolfiefan · 27/06/2019 21:56

You can’t tell from a scan that a baby has one father and not another. Confused
Honestly if you can’t afford a test you REALLY can’t afford a child. Hmm

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 27/06/2019 22:35

Wolfiefan,

I think you missed what the topic was about, and I would have a lot to say to explain my situation better ,but I don't think it would help. Anyways,you already helped a lot and made me feel much better about my situation, so thanks ! :)

OP posts:
Botanica · 27/06/2019 22:43

You really need to find a way to pay for the test ASAP. This is not just about you and the baby but you have two young men's lives also in the balance here and they deserve some consideration too.
They deserve to know ASAP so they can each make the right decisions for themselves as well.

beth3735 · 27/06/2019 23:10

Would the dads be willing to help towards the cost of the prenatal tests just to get peace of mind? I know if my son was in this situation I would offer to help my son pay just so he knows and isn’t waiting months of not knowing. I hope you get the result you’re wanting ☺️

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 28/06/2019 00:00

Botanica,
I never said that I wouldn't do any test,or that I'm not willing to do it now. It's just that it's really expensive for me at the moment cause this pregnancy was unplanned and I didn't save any money yet. That's why I posted this so I can see if there's any other way I can be sure without doing the test,or at least to be a little hopeful that my current boyfriend is the father until we confirm everything. My current boyfriend knows about the whole situation and I also explained my situation with ex boyfriend.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 28/06/2019 00:08

I'm going to decide with my current boyfriend about doing the test before the baby is born cause I know it would be easier for both of us to do it now if it's possible,and he might want to help with paying cause he's been really supportive for most of the time. If not,I'm going to find money somehow to pay for it myself so I know for sure,and most importantly, if I have to go trough any drama wit my ex or not.

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 28/06/2019 00:13

How much does this test cost ?

Original poster
bluevelvet995 · 28/06/2019 11:23

I'm studying in Europe now,and from what I've heard and read about it,it is around 1500€. Maybe not much for some other countries,but for standards here,it is quite expensive to afford for a student. Especially cause I come from a country with really low living standards compared to country I study in at the moment.

OP posts:
CmdrCressidaDuck · 28/06/2019 11:26

There is no way to know the father without genetic testing when you have sex with two men in the middle of the same cycle. The odds favour your current boyfriend, but it's very far from impossible that it's your ex's.

You absolutely, categorically will not be able to tell by who the baby "looks like" on a scan.

You need to find a way to pay for the test.

Pinkfinkle · 28/06/2019 11:42

In all likelihood it’s your current boyfriend, the second guy. Only way it could be the ex boyfriend is if you randomly ovulated early. Sperm can live for up to a week but only in the best conditions I.e during your fertile week.

Either pluck for pre-natal DNA or wait until the baby is born to double check. I wouldn’t mention it to your ex, judging by the dates it’s your current boyfriend’s.

Queenoftheashes · 28/06/2019 11:43

That test sounds super expensive, you could buy loads of baby things with that. I wouldn’t pay for that and I’m fairly comfortably off. The person telling you you’re too poor to have a baby is unbelievably rude, it’s none of their beeswax and totally off topic.
Sounds like it’s the current parter and v unlikely the ex... but I guess you never know.

Chista · 28/06/2019 11:48

Your due date will be bolted on to the start date of your last period, so this won't help determining who the father is. Sperm lives inside our bodies for up to a week where as the egg has a shelf life of a day to be fertilised, so it could be either of them. I think an honest conversation with both is needed and then a test to determine who fathered the child.

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