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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

is it a good idea to start trying for the next baby when ds is just 4.5 months old?

27 replies

timsmama · 26/07/2007 10:38

Hi! I am looking for advantages and disadvantages of having babies very close together...we have a 19 week old son and originally wanted to leave a 2 year gap. But now we are thinking of trying again now - well, as soon as AF returns. Please tell me about your experiences and opinions! Thank you!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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hayley2u · 26/07/2007 10:42

i think you should go for it. your children will be nice and close then. also whn ya leave it it may turn into quite a few years took me 5. its usually now your most likely to fall pregnant anyway so maybe just let nature takes it cause

belgo · 26/07/2007 10:44

I have 18 months between my two - it was very hard for the first 6 months but now it's great. But I don't remember much of when DD1 was a baby, because I got pregnant again so quickly.

smallwhitecat · 26/07/2007 10:58

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MuminBrum · 26/07/2007 10:59

I'm just 13 months older than my sister and my mum swears that there was no sibling rivalry at all between us when we were little (although as teens it was a different matter!). It felt to me as though she had always been there. I would go for it!

Moomin · 26/07/2007 11:02

THere are pros and cons for both short and longer gaps between children. From what I've seen and read:
Small gap means you in effect have two babies but at different stages. If you think you can cope with the demands and the lack of being 'you' for a good while and you want to get it all out of the way in one go, then could be for you. When they are bit older they will be good playmates and when/if you go back to work (as long as you don;t have a third for a while, if ever) you can get back into your job/career without worrying about having another break, or you can change careers or whatever and can throw yourslef into it more than if you were planning on another maternity leave.

Bigger gap means the older one will be more independent, you can explain the baby's arrval a bit better (3 years and upwards is about the best for the older child 'coping' with the change according to some research); you will have given lots of attention to dc1 when they were a baby and thus can treat dc2 more of a baby while dc1 gets into a whole new world of pre-school, school, friends, new skills etc.

BUT there is absolutely NO guarantee of getting the gap you want anyway! Dd1 took us 4 months to conceive and we ideally wanted a gap of 3 years but we started trying when dd1 was 15m old in case we had any problems conceiving. As it happened, it took us 2 years to conceive dd2! WE didn't want this gap really but it's worked out brilliantly as dd1 was 4 and is fantastic with dd2 and her demands. If you think you can cope with two babies, then go for it.

Gemy · 26/07/2007 11:04

Totally agree with smallwhitecat about it still being fresh in your mind.

My DD is 14 months and I am 4 months pregnant (though it was not really planned, you might say )

Ultimately, it's up to you! If you and your husband feel ready then go for it!

hertsnessex · 26/07/2007 11:07

i habvbe 11mths between my two - the frist 6mths was ablur, but now we are definitely all reaping the benefits of them being 2.5 and 3.5yrs old and playing together etc. go for it!

smallwhitecat · 26/07/2007 11:07

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CescaD · 26/07/2007 11:11

Mmm - my baby is only 16 weeks old and I'm also already getting broody for the next. I get all watery eyed when I see newborns but maybe my hormones are just all over the place.

Advantages - if they are close in age it will be easier for them to share a bedroom for longer. Older one less likely to experience jealousy? Can play together. You get all the 'baby / nappy' phase over & done with sooner.

Disadvantages - don't get to savour the moments with your firstborn. May need more stuff - eg double buggy. Longer break from work could make it harder to go back.

SanetJvv · 26/07/2007 11:17

Go for it, but only if you have help. I found out I was pg when dd was 4,5 months old. She is 14 months and 1 day older than dd2. I dont have any help and it is very difficult with two very different development stages in one house. If you have help, go for it!!!
I love my children, but would advice them one day not to have their babys so very close (dd1 is suppose to still be a baby untill 3, but now she has to share her baby years) Every day they are starting to play together more and more, and I ma sure after a few months it is going to be heaven for me, but at this stage I just feel guilty.

usandnosleep · 26/07/2007 11:18

Can I just add that I was very broody when my DS was 4-6 months old, we didn't go for it because it wasn't practical for us. Boy was I glad a couple of months later! The broodiness disappeared completely!

Having said that DS has just turned one and we're thinking again...............

kerala · 26/07/2007 11:19

Personally want to savour the experience of having small children unless particular reason to rush like age/finances. Also what was your pregnancy like? I want to enjoy DD being tiny rather than rushing on to the next one and dealing with the morning sickness, lethargy etc when I have such a small needy one around already. My friend, a really capable mum, got pregnant when her first baby was 10 months and nearly reached breaking point with 2 non sleeping babies both in nappies.

Think Im in the miniority though!

usandnosleep · 26/07/2007 11:20

The gap between me and my 2 sisters is just 3 1/2 years and we're very close. I'm so glad I have them. The 3 of us really stick together

Uki · 26/07/2007 11:22

I believe doctors and obstetricains recommend giving your body a year to heal before next pregnancy. I think that's good advice, it does go quick and little ones need all the focus on them, that's how they develop.

I originally tried for No.2 when ds was 11 months got pg straight away, but miscarried so there will now be 26 months between the 2 and i think it will actually be better, of course i'm now biased but was able to give ds a great 2nd birthday and he is old enough to be aware and help with baby now. he is also able to entertain himself and is quite independant, sleeps in a big bed, doesn't need a pram, etc,

I think all gaps will work though, they have to, don't they

herbiemom · 26/07/2007 11:32

I got pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was 6 months old so there's a 15 month gap. I found the pregnancy hard as I was so tired looking after DS1 and the early weeks after DS2 was born were difficult as DS1 was too young to understand why I couldn't give him my undivided attention. I felt very guilty for a while and did sometimes feel envious of my friends who still only had one child as everything seemed so easy for them and for me, getting out of the house was like a military operation.

BUT - I was very lucky to have my parents and in-laws nearby and they gave me loads of help (took DS2 out for walks so I could have time with DS1, helped with cooking and cleaning, played with DS1 while I was feeding DS2, etc). It's worth thinking about the support/help you are likely to get as those early months can be tough.

I have absolutely no regrets though (obviously otherwise DS2 wouldn't be here and wouldn't be without him for the world) and nowadays my boys are so close and play together really well. Now it's my friends who are envious of me cos they've all just had their second DC and are dealing with sleepless nights, feeding problems, jealous siblings, etc as I sit back and enjoy a cuppa and a chat while my two go off and play. I'm very, very happy.

Pannacotta · 26/07/2007 11:51

I second Uki's post, though I think I read that minimum 18 months is suggested for your body to get back to its pre-baby state, including stores of nutrients which are depleted in pregnancy.
Persoanlly I think a decent gap is easier for the mother. DS1 was 2.5 and when DS2 was born, and we can explain things to him yet we are still not miles away from the baby stage so have all the baby kit etc to hand.
Buts it a very personal choice of course.
Not sure I could get by on the lack of sleep which goes with newborns having two close together....

spugs · 26/07/2007 15:00

i had a 5 year gap between dd1 and 2, i always wanted 2 clost together though and im now pregnant with dc3. dd2 will be 23 mths when he/she is born. also means though that im stuck in double buggy hell - do i need one or can i get away with a nice single?? no idea. must also say though that the 5 year age gap was good as dd1 was able to help out a bit and didnt mind entertaining herself occassionally.

kiansmum · 26/07/2007 21:33

I'm currently pregnant with my 4th dc. My 3rd will be only 11 months old when she is born.(this one wasn't planned, we were using breastfeeding as contraception, it didn't work! chuffed tho having had 5 mcs)
I'm looking forward to it getting easier as they get older and i can't wait for this pregnancy to be over, it's definately the worst i've had( with success!)
My ds is now 9 mo but very heavy and big for his age so the other day i was carrying him down the stairs and put my back out.
I've been referred to a physio who's diagnosed SPD, which i'd never had before but it's REALLY painful.
I've got 9 weeks left of this pregnancy and ds has just started crawling so whilst being hardly able to move i have to stop him from trying to eat everything!!!
2 close together'll definately be a challenge!

mummydoit · 26/07/2007 21:42

14 months between my two and I wouldn't have it any other way. The first few weeks were hard work but there was absolutely no jealousy from the eldest and they are both very close now and get on really well.

DobbyMOO · 26/07/2007 22:33

I have gaps of 2 years, 14 months and 2 1/2 years between my 4 children. Personally the 14 month gap was very very hard, partly because I found being pregnant and looking after a very small child was extremely difficult. The larger age gaps worked well, no sibling rivalry but I enjoyed them as a babies a whole lot more - in fact the two children who are closest in age are the ones who fight the most now

PregnantGrrrl · 27/07/2007 08:55

i'd make sure it's not an urge caused by the loveliness of a new baby, that doesn't shout / bite/ throw food yet...then go for it. I'm 28wks pregnant, and DS is 13mths. We're getting all the nappies/ milk/ sleeplessness out of the way as quickly as we can!

PregnantGrrrl · 27/07/2007 08:56

but also be aware that your next pregnancy may be harder than the last- DS's was almost a brezze. This time i am tired more easily, and have more back ache from picking up DS. Bear that in mind!

Vicx · 27/07/2007 09:20

I got pregnant when my baby was 4.5 months.

While i'm sure it'll work out well in the long run.....In the short term it's v tough on you (ie. Weaning a child when you have morning sickness and the smell of everything makes you queasy!) and v tough of baby (ie. having to watch you fall sleep on the sofa + not having mummy to carry you or run around with etc.)

have a slightly larger gap with the other child. got preg when she was a year. Still a bit hard but easier on mum and baby and the kids play nicely together.

Think a two year gap is sensible as your body needs til to restore in between babies.

Rosie2404 · 30/07/2007 13:53

Go for it if that is what you want - I have got a boy of 2 and a half and then a little girl of 17 months and expecting again in 8 weeks. I didnt even have a period between my first two as I breastfed my son til he was 4 months and my periods didnt return. We werent using anything as we decided early on that we wanted a small age gap. It is hard work but it is fantastic the way they interact with each other and not being new to everything again.

Bouquetsofdynomite · 30/07/2007 14:40

Wait 2 or 3 months and have a summer baby. Soooo many more birthday party options.

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