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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

40 weeks pregnant and partner out at the pub

54 replies

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 20:28

Hi Ladies,
I'm weeks pregnant today, my partner was drinking here with his friend and then come to ask if it was OK for them to go the pub until closing, I said yes of course, because I don't want to be that girlfriend to stop him, but am I being unreasonable to think it's a bit selfish that he just didn't think to just not go out and be drunk on my due date 😅
I think I'm just panicking because it's my first child and have no idea what to expect when labour eventually starts, there's people I can call and the pubs isn't too far that he couldn't make it home or too the hospital, but think my emotions have got me confused about how I'm feeling about this 🤣 Probably just the worry that I'm home alone and could go into labour today, although probably unlikely now as I feel no signs of my baby boy joining us today

OP posts:

rosedream · 22/06/2019 20:32

Yes it's selfish and irresponsible of him to drink let alone go off to the pub.

I'm also concerned that you don't feel it right or you're able to say how you feel to him. It would have been appropriate to ask him not to drink at all.

I hope all goes well for you.

Perditavita · 22/06/2019 20:33

YANBU at all

starflake · 22/06/2019 20:33

I would quite literally hang my dp up by the balls if he even drank at home on or near my due date never mind then ask could he go to pub. You were well within your rights to tell him no. You need him sober even if you can get a lift from somebody else, he needs to support you if you go into labour.

PuffsMummie · 22/06/2019 20:40

Hmm, I don’t really see the big deal. I guess it wouldn’t be ideal that he’d be drunk as couldn’t drive you to the hospital, I also would love my DH to be getting legless but a few pints down the pub on a Saturday wouldn’t really phase me. Less that 5% of babies come on their due date and even if you went into labour right now, it’s unlikely that you’d be ready to go the hospital until tomorrow morning. Maybe I’m just a bit more chilled out than you.

Also, your comment about not having a clue what to expect is a bit weak - even though it’s your first baby, by 40 weeks you should really have some kinda of idea of what to expect. Did you not do any antenatal classes, listen to any podcasts or read a single pregnancy book?!

PuffsMummie · 22/06/2019 20:41

Typo - *wouldn’t love my DH to be getting legless

Hadalifeonce · 22/06/2019 20:41

As long as the pub is not too far away, and he is contactable, I can't see the problem.

MondeoFan · 22/06/2019 20:42

I wouldn't be happy about this at all but I am the sort of girlfriend that men hate "a bossy and demanding one "

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 21:05

@PuffsMummie I don't think saying haven't got a clue what to expect is weak, how can you tell me I should know what I will be or feel like when I go into labour. Hearing about or seeing anyone else go into labour isn't exactly the same as experiencing it yourself. I'm sure I could watch a thousand videos and hear a thousand stories and have no idea how it's going to be from me.

Clearly you are more chilled out than everyone else commenting, but like I said I never said no and obviously don't have problem with him drinking, however it is my due date and think it is natural to judge my decision as ow I'm home thinking crap what if something happens and I panic or soemthing 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 21:07

I don't know why that said ow was supposed to say now not ow 😅😅😅

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WhiteLightTrainWreck · 22/06/2019 21:25

I'm with @PuffsMummie, I wouldn't be too worried about it, as long as he's contactable. It's not ideal but it's not the end of the world.

And I think the point about not knowing what to expect was more directed at the workings of what happens when you do go into labour, not how you're going to feel and react to it. I'm 36+2, I know what's going to happen but I still don't know what to expect 100%

Good luck for when it does happen :)

cocodash · 22/06/2019 21:26

@puffsmummie harsh much??

I'm 39 weeks and have been to all the antenatal classes and know every symptom to look out for but i still don't know what to expect as I have never experienced it for myself.

Xyzzzzz · 22/06/2019 21:28

I agree with you OP. I genuinely think men are self centred. I wouldn’t be happy if my dh did this

PuffsMummie · 22/06/2019 21:55

@MummyCJW You really think you’d have “no idea” ??? Wouldn’t you simply look out for some of the things you’ve encountered in videos/books/classes, whatever type of preparation you’ve undertaken?

@cocodash same question to you.. you said “I know every symptom to look out for but wouldn’t know what to expect” Would you not expect to feel some of those symptoms?

Sorry, I just find it hard to believe that the pair of you would be sat at home with waters broken, contracting, had bloody shows etc, thinking “hmm wonder if this is labour”

I’d get on Google ASAP if I were you.

Hadalifeonce · 22/06/2019 21:59

Just to reassure you mum's to be, I never went to a single ante natel class, so had no real idea about anything. When it came to it, it all seem to come naturally to me, even the midwife said in her experience the body usually knows what to do.

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 21:59

@Puffsmummie
I think you've got mistaken with what I said. I don't know where you got the idea I'd be sitting there if my waterbroke thinking I wonder what this is. I simply meant I have no idea what to expect for myself f in terms of how I would react and feel and take the pain ect..... I didn't mean I would worry because I won't know I'm in labour. I mean being at home by myself going to labour if that makes more sense

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Hadalifeonce · 22/06/2019 22:00

Not sure why the apostrophe appeared.

Tableclothing · 22/06/2019 22:04

What was it that stopped you saying "No, I'd rather you didn't this time"?

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 22:04

@Hadalifeonce Thank you, yea, but even if you had been to classes, shouldn't be expected to know how it will be for you, just because you've been to a class or seen a video, not the same as experiencing it yourself. Glad it went well for you though and all come naturally, I hope I will feel the same as you when my little one decides he's ready to come out 🤗

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Chinks123 · 22/06/2019 22:07

I wouldn’t be happy with this. I know it’s rare but I went into labour on my due date, my waters suddenly went and within 3 hours dd was born. If dp had been pissed down the pub he wouldn’t have had time to sober up and drive me there.

Going for a couple and making sure he’s contactable is fine, if you think it’s fine and you’re happy being home on your own.
Getting drunk when you’re due isn’t ok in my opinion, but everyone’s different. My partners teetotal so I guess I’m the wrong person to ask.

For what it’s worth I understood what you meant about not knowing what to expect. You can read every book you want, you have no idea how long it will take/what will happen to you personally until it happens. Good luck

ElectricLions · 22/06/2019 22:07

I didn't realise that the sole responsibility of the man was to merely drive his partner to hospital, I thought it was more like he is with you when you are experiencing labour pain and being supportive.

OP no I wouldn't be happy with Dh going off drinking when I hit my due date. I gushed bright red blood when I was in labour and they thought I had placental abruption. I was glad Dh was with me.

Sandybval · 22/06/2019 22:10

He is being massively unreasonable, he couldn't just stay in or stay on soft drinks for a short period of time?! I'm with you on this one, apologies if I've missed it in the thread, but is he supposed to be driving you to the hospital when you're in labour? My first labour was short- from first sign of anything happening to going to hospital was only a few hours.

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 22:12

@tableclothing
I've never said no and never have I thought can't believe he has gone out, at all. I know chances are won't be going into labour, but I think when I'm here alone, I started thinking about if I do go into labour and he will of had quite a bit to drink, as they were drinking here in the garden for a few hours... just started thinking am I being unreasonable to think he should of just not wanted to go out when the baby can come at any point and that's why I didn't say no aswell because I think it's one of those moments you're sitting there thinking too much after, if that makes sense 😅
That was why I wanted to see how other woman would feel aswell

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Moses92 · 22/06/2019 22:17

I feel you're being a bit unfair to him. He asked you and you said it was fine, if it wasn't fine you should have said no. I am 39 weeks nearly and if my OH asked I would say no. You should have just been up front with him.

Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 22:18

I would like to point out to everyone no he is not driving to me to the hospital, but obviously it's not ideal for him to be sobering up whilst I'm in labour 😅

@Chinks123 I'm glad you understood what I meant. To be fair even If I had been in labour before I would probably feel the same, waiting for it to happen. My friends who have been through labour more than once have experienced different labours with each of their children, soo I don't think I could ever fully prepare myself anyway 😅

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Original poster

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 22:23

@moses92
I don't think I've been unfair to him (maybe just unfair about my thought on the situation) as I have no intention of giving him a hard time when he's back at all..I would never say yea it's ok and then have a go 😅
But when he went and I was home alone thinking what if I go into labour and worrying a bit about it and thought maybe he was a bit selfish for not naturally wanting to be home and sober incase it does happen, as it could at anytime now

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