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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

40 weeks pregnant and partner out at the pub

54 replies

MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 20:28

Hi Ladies,
I'm weeks pregnant today, my partner was drinking here with his friend and then come to ask if it was OK for them to go the pub until closing, I said yes of course, because I don't want to be that girlfriend to stop him, but am I being unreasonable to think it's a bit selfish that he just didn't think to just not go out and be drunk on my due date 😅
I think I'm just panicking because it's my first child and have no idea what to expect when labour eventually starts, there's people I can call and the pubs isn't too far that he couldn't make it home or too the hospital, but think my emotions have got me confused about how I'm feeling about this 🤣 Probably just the worry that I'm home alone and could go into labour today, although probably unlikely now as I feel no signs of my baby boy joining us today

OP posts:
Justus22 · 22/06/2019 22:23

I wouldn't be best impressed either, if he's gone and is going to be over the driving limit then its not on, if he's just socialising and having a couple fine, giving him the benefit of the doubt he prob hasn't thought how anxious you might feel for the unknown. I'd tell him I think it's pretty out of order. I think @PuffsMummie is pretty harsh (poss has a partner that is often awol 🤔, I've a few friends who normalise their partners behaviour when they are inconsiderate.) I know what you meant by not knowing what to expect, you can't possibly know until you've experienced it. I have my 4th on the way and have never read a book on birth nor have I ever attended an antenatal class so those things certainly didn't prep me for my very different births. You'll be OK anyway. Xx

Chinks123 · 22/06/2019 22:24

My dp doesn’t even drive it was my mum that took us but I was just making the point that if they’re really drunk, it will take hours to sober up. My dad was drunk at the hospital when I was born apparently, and my mum said it was embarrassing and he fell asleep.

You’re right @MummyCJW, I’m 34 weeks with my second and I’m even more nervous this time I think! I know all the symptoms, but I don’t know what’s going to happen exactly. Very exciting though!

MyOtherProfile · 22/06/2019 22:30

How are you getting to the hospital? Is he planning on going too?

I wouldn't mind if dh had gone to the pub so long as his phone was to hand. I would mind if he had anything more than half a pint around my due date. Even if he wasn't driving I would want him fully alert to support me through birth. Surely he can abstain for a week or two?

Original poster
MummyCJW · 22/06/2019 22:32

@chinks123 Yea exactly I don't think I'd be giving him an easy time if he was really drunk at the hospital.
Congratulations on your second baby! Hopefully it will all go well for you 😊

OP posts:
Moses92 · 22/06/2019 22:41

@MummyCJW no I know what you mean, I meant that in all fairness he did ask you and you said it was OK, so I do think you're being unreasonable to be annoyed with him for going. I don't think your unreasonable for being anxious though as I am also a FTM and agree with several other posters, can read all about what labour starts like but until it happens we won't know how we will feel about it etc. Why don't you text him and say you changed your mind and feel a bit anxious?

Mog6840 · 22/06/2019 22:41

I would feel the same. You are particularly anxious with your first and the last thing you want is to go into labour and have a drunken DP to deal with. You want to feel
Like you can totally rely on them in that situation and they need to support you.
I had a very fast labour with my first just 4 hours. I was 8cm dilated by the time I got to hospital. I did not have the time and was in no position to be chasing up my husband to get back from the pub then arranging alternative transport because he's unfit to drive.
I'm pretty sure your DP would prefer to be sober when he first meets his baby and remember it with a clear head.
No need to make a big deal, it's done now. But tomorrow I would say to him that you would prefer him to not drink now as it could happen at any time.

nataliemum25 · 22/06/2019 22:55

Wow hormones flying all over in here tonight, no need for the rudeness of everyone, my husband wouldn't go to the pub if I was due I'd go mad to be fair.

SD1978 · 22/06/2019 23:02

Wouldn't bother me if pub was close, and he's was not over the limit and able to drive to the hospital still. I don't think there needs to be an enforced sit in juts in case it happens. Is he working? Because if so, I'd assume he'll be further away if you go in to labour then? I know for some people world stops juts in case, and if that's what you guys decided then fair enough/ but no. This wouldn't be a big deal to me/ provided he was able to drive. I'd probably juts go for an early night.

melissa1215 · 23/06/2019 04:26

@PuffsMummie I don't think her comment about not knowing what to expect is weak, I understand what she means - she'll likely be aware when labour is starting but with it being her first time it's a shock to the system and it would probably wise for her partner to be sober and on the ball because it's a first time experience for them. To say it's abit weak I think is harsh.

PuffsMummie · 23/06/2019 08:04

@Justus22 LOL, you’re reaching big time there with that assumption. Also interesting that many other PPs have said they wouldn’t be too bothered as long as DH was contactable and not completely legless, but it’s only me that apparently has an AWOL partner that I’m trying to justify ?!?!

Call me harsh for my other comment re knowing what to expect, but don’t make assumptions on my relationship based on me saying I wouldn’t be too concerned about DH going to the pub, as many others have said too.

Perhaps you’re a clingy & controlling wife and feel the need to justify your feelings by making assumptions on others? See, not nice is it?

rosyedith · 23/06/2019 09:33

@MummyCJW you have every right to be annoyed at this. I'm 36 wks and have told my partner no more drinking. He will be driving me to hosp but still.. us women go 9 months with no alcohol surely they can manage a few weeks it's not that hard is it! Winds me up so much! So yes I would.

Also @PuffsMummie dunno what your problem is.

rosyedith · 23/06/2019 09:35

@SD1978 he obviously won't be able to drive will he, do you think he is going to just have 2 pints on a Saturday night when she's already stated he's been drinking at home before he went ?

Justus22 · 23/06/2019 10:03

@puffsmummie I knew you'd bite when the tables were turned haha, didn't that touch a nerve. Don't dish out the judgey catty responses if you're not fully prepared to get one back. You seem to feel so strongly and bitterly that it does sound like my friends who have inconsiderate partners or no partner at all, I was just saying 😂. Others have said similar to you but in a pleasant way hence they don't sound bitter or judgey, I said myself it's fair enough if he's going to socialise not drink over the limit if you read it properly. For all I know you don't have a partner and I'm not entirely sure if you've given birth before and know that labour classes/books/others stories can not fully prepare you for what is coming but if so you have still twisted the OP's post on her to belittle her.... Why would you?!

PuffsMummie · 23/06/2019 12:41

@Justus22 oh bore off with your trolling. Making assumptions about strangers on the internet, how sad. I hope you find something to do with your Sunday 👋🏼

PotteringAlong · 23/06/2019 12:44

Presumably he’s still going to work though? The chances are you will be home alone when you go into labour.

Heymummee · 23/06/2019 12:49

I wouldn’t have been happy about this at all. But then he wouldn’t have even thought about going. If he did I would have told him I wasn’t too keen on the idea and he wouldn’t go.

INcrediblySadToo · 23/06/2019 13:31

‘Due dates’ they really need to send babies a ‘save the date card’ then an invitation so they know what’s expected of them!🤣

I’d probably be a little bit upset that DH would rather be out drinking at the Pub than spending it with me and I wouldn’t want him really pissed while I was in labour, I’m sensitive to smells at the best of times -and in labour is not ‘the best of times’.id also want him keeping an eye on things and helping me make sure my wishes weren’t being stomped all over. He’d also want to be sober for the arrival.

I certainly wouldn’t be issuing a ‘DH drinking Babn’ though as many women do, it’s infantilising IMO & ‘if I have to, so do you’ childish. ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

Best wishes for the birth & baby’s safe arrival 🌷

HSKNT · 23/06/2019 13:37

My DH went out both times when I was late etc. As long as he was local and not drunk it didn't bother me.

Lauren83 · 23/06/2019 13:45

I'm 39 weeks and my partners been out a few times over the past few weeks, he went to Amsterdam on a stag do weekend 3 weeks ago and went out Friday night on a leaving do, he was only out 6.30pm-midnight and did keep messaging to check I was ok, he offered not to go as DS 17 months was poorly but I figured it didn't need both of us at home. I just said I didn't mind him getting pissed as long as he was fit to go to the hospital if we needed to and that he would get up with DS in the morning

PregnantOnPurpose · 23/06/2019 13:53

Hahaha my DP and I had the work conversation the other day.

For context he works literally all the time, he will stay on at work until really late to finish jobs for extra money, which is fair enough, he does some sort of work nearly every single weekend, means when I moan about him working too much.

I brought up the fact that when I'm due I hope he doesnt go off every day of the weekend and evenings doing lots of work as I would want him near when I go into labour. But he thinks im being totally unreasonable. He is a bugger for never answering his phone to anyone, he gets calls for friends and family, even his dad most days and I'll point out his phone is ringing and hell just shrug it off. He never answers.

I would be absolutely fuming if he went to the pub when I was due. I'd be that angry I'd take my placenta home and slip it into his food for the following weeks.

cupofteaandcake · 23/06/2019 14:11

There was a thread on here recently where the OP was getting very frustrated and annoyed at her husband asking permission to do things and then getting in a strop when she didn't immediately say yes, the husband was basically acting like she was his mother and had to go to her for permission.

Your DP is doing exactly the same. Can he not make the decision for himself? What does he think is reasonable with you being so pregnant. Is he drinking alcohol - how much? What would his reaction have been if you've said 'no' or turned it back on him and said 'well what do you think is reasonable?'. Personally I don't think it's reasonable for partner to do this at this stage of the pregnancy and they should be able to work this out for themselves. I wonder what will happen when the baby is born since I expect you'll have to be looking after the baby anyway so why not go to the pub.....

Newmumma83 · 23/06/2019 14:22

@MummyCJW I am
With @Moses92 ... I can totally understand you feeling apprehensive... and although you can’t say anything on this occasion as he did ask..

Tomorrow when sober perhaps discuss how you are feeling and support needed x x

You won’t know how you react to
Labour until it happens and that’s a great way of looking at it ... keeping an open mind on how you will be and keeping the birth plan flexible is key.

I had my first one 7 months ago ... and in many respects it was better than expected ... but best not to get your heart set on any particular order of events.

Good luck op and I do hope you have the best possible delivery x x

anonforthespies43267 · 23/06/2019 14:26

My DH came home with 3 bottles of cider when I was 37 weeks pregnant & I just looked at him & said ‘let’s hope I don’t need to go to the hospital tonight’...

YANBU but you should have also told him.

Last night my DH has 2 bottles of low alcohol beer and that’s his limit on weekends until baby gets here (he won’t drink during the week anyway)!

chipscheesegravy · 23/06/2019 14:37

YANBU!

I'd be livid! You are going through one of the biggest things in your life and he should be there supporting you. Anyone who says otherwise obviously has a selfish partner and is trying to justify it to themselves!

Good luck!

sugartitz · 23/06/2019 14:51

I'm in my third trimester and my partner has stopped drinking now. He doesn't drive so that's irrelevant to us, but a) it can happen quickly and b) if it happened, he wants to be sober the first time he meets his child and c) he knows I need him to be there and fully focused on me and not sobering up.

Also, for the poster who criticised her for not knowing the signs of labour - I'm expecting my 4th and still never quite know!

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