Third baby worries

[wingingiteveryday]

This morning I found out I am pregnant and it's knocked me sideways a bit.

I'm 37, I have 2 kids who are 9 and 5 and things were just getting easy. They're settled at school, they sleep well, things are ticking over finances wise and we have just enough space.

I have embarked on quite an intense e in order to potentially change my career and I felt I had reached a bit of a turning point where as maybe I could take on some more hours, currently work part time and have done for 8 years.

My periods are all over the place since being absolutely destroyed by the injection 2 years ago and sex is a rarity these days. I woke up at 5am this morning and felt so sick that something made me take a test. I just feel so differently about it than the other 2 times and I really don't know why.

I feel overwhelmed and a bit sad, like I won't cope, like we won't afford it, like I won't be able to carry on with the intensity of my qualification, like it's selfish, like it's going to tip a balance and just really uneasy.

Did anyone else feel like this and go on to actually totally cope and be happy with a third?

I'm hoping I am just feeling hormonal and surprised and haven't actually turned into some kind of stone monster 

Hi there OP,

Hope you're ok . Just giving this a little bump for you - hopefully someone will come along with some useful advice soon.

I felt like this too when I got accidentally pregnant with a third. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it but it was the impact on my other kids and our lives in general, I was very confused about my feelings. I ended up miscarrying at about 7 weeks and I was sad about it but a bit relieved as well, which I never thought I’d say. Take some time to think and talk it over with your husband, consider your options, you’re not a bad person for feeling this way. I imagine it’s very common and I’m sure many women feel it with an unplanned pregnancy then are over the moon when the baby arrives, I’ve no doubt I would have been too if my pregnancy had continued but I also know it would have changed our lives and made things a lot harder for us. Hope you manage to resolve your feelings one way or another soon x

You have just found out so your feelings are bound to be all over the place.

Take your time to try process and think through your options.

Have you talked to father of baby?
Try & get some support from trusted family or friend.

Do you have any idea of how far along you are?

I hope it all works out the way you want it to x

By the way I have three kids ages 10,8 & 5.

Hmm, not exactly the same thing as you, but I am also pregnant with my third. I have two age 5 and 7. My first two are 20 months apart and I always wanted a third, but the small age gap was difficult for me (both my kids were difficult toddlers). My first outgrew this by 4 and my youngest a boy is now getting easier as well. We were back and fourth for a long time about a third. So much easier to have just two etc. However, for me, I just could not let it go. It tore at me. Sometimes I would say we will just have two, but it broke my heart. Finally we decided to just go ahead and try. I am now pregnant with my third and so happy about it. My two dc are also super happy and I love the fact they will be able to remember getting a sibling. I am enjoying it. They love to talk about it with me, read baby books about how baby is developing etc.

There is always a reason not to have a third, but there are also many reasons to go for it. Everyone's circumstances are different. Ultimately for us, we are very comfortable, have extra help, extra rooms etc. So for us it made sense. My only reason for struggling with the idea is my emetaphobia (extreme fear of vomitting or other people vomitting). I wasn't sure I could cope to add a third kid to the mixture (as my first two close in age tend to share bugs with each other) . But I also did not want it to lead my life. I am getting it under control (kind of!).

Also, when I spoke to several people with a third...at least half would say DONT DO IT!!! The other half, go for it!

You've only just found out that you're pregnant with a third and that's a huge shock if you're not planning it. I know because I have been in your shoes. We kept our surprise third but I didn't really feel what you are feeling. I felt with certainty that I wanted to keep it, but I had a lot of concerns about finances, space and time. To be honest those things have got harder and life is a bit of a shambles at the moment. We also have plans to turn things around and know it won't be forever. Our third is a blessing and we wouldn't change her for the world.

Take some time to think about it and talk about it with the father/someone who can support you. I do think there is something to be said about strong instincts though. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Life can go back to normal if you want it to.

We had recurrent mcs last year and decided to stop TTC because of that and it just wasnt the right time for us for a few more years. We are in the best position weve ever been financially, we both work full time, DS has started school and weve got childcare down to a T. Im 12 weeks pregnant with number 2 now and im just panicking about what is going to happen to our dynamics, finances, and were desperately trying to buy our house in the next year aswell, so in a similar worry x