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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Unable to get excited about expecting

45 replies

thelady · 24/07/2007 18:59

I'm hoping I'm not the only one to feel like this.

DH and I have been together for 10 years, married for 8, and 'trying' for 4. After being told nothing was going to happen (basically told to come back when we were ready for IVF!), we're now expecting our first.

I thought I'd be delighted, excited, and just generally full of the joys. Instead, getting ready for this little one just feels like yet another enormous task on an already far-too-full to do list.

Am I being ridiculous, normal, or just plain weird? I do want this baby, very much indeed, and at 21 weeks I know there's still plenty of time to be prepared, but...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DANCESwithDumbledore · 24/07/2007 19:03

Are you just afraid to get excited because you waited for so long for this baby? Don't worry about feeling life is too full. Priorities and wants tend to shift when you have children so stuff you love now becomes less important (doesn't mean you have to stop it altogether though). Oh, I'm too tired to express this eloquently but I hope you know what I mean. You need Twig...she's good at this life stuff...

fingerwoman · 24/07/2007 19:15

do you think that maybe you are still a bit in shock? perhaps you feel like it isn't really real yet and so can't get excited?
I wasn't THAT excited when pg with my first, although I did enjoy the shopping for baby stuff- but when he was born OMG, it was fantastic.

RGPargy · 24/07/2007 19:15

Maybe it's a case of you feel like it's too good to be true so you wont get attached or feel happy until the baby's actually here?

Congrats btw!

Original poster

thelady · 24/07/2007 19:22

I think I'm over the shock now, and although I'm nervous that everything go well, I don't think I'm paranoid.

Basically I'm feeling overwhelmed!

DH and I both work 12 - 18 hour days (self employed hoteliers) with 3/4 day off each a week (not together) and although we're looking to move on to somewhere a bit less demanding of our time, that could be 2 years in the future.

I went to look at baby stuff yesterday and all I could think was a combination of "how much?" and "where on earth would I put it?" which wasn't quite what I was expecting after hearing friends go all gooey about the tiny whatever-it-was they'd just bought .

Hence me wondering if I'm just plain weird.

OP posts:

Wilkie · 24/07/2007 19:24

thelady - I had a 'WTF have we done??' moment after traipsing into mothercare at 26 weeks pregnant, got all panicked and came out again empty handed.

You are not alone!!!!!

DANCESwithDumbledore · 24/07/2007 19:30

If it helps at all, I was always wondering where I would keep the pram/pushchair in our smallish house. The answer is 99% of people keep them in their cars...I can't believe I didn't notice this before I had children

dal21 · 24/07/2007 19:32

Thelady - when i fell pregnant, was planned and would have been devastated if it didnt happen. But there were still moments of 'oh my god what have we done' and apprehension and generally feeling of feeling overwhelmed. I think it is natural early on. Once you start to feel the baby move and the bump comes on (from about 24 weeks for me) - all these feelings melted away and I really cannot wait to meet my LO - carrying my baby is amazing and I cannot wait. Plus you start to get your head round the myriad of things it becomes a lot more fun!

moondog · 24/07/2007 19:33

Thelady,I think the 'wtf?' feeling when confronted with baby tat they try to flog you is very healthy actually.

You need very little-nappies,a few babygros,a little bed of some sort and a pram.

That's it.

hayley2u · 24/07/2007 20:11

maybe because you v ben wanting it for so long now its happening it can be daunting. its a new life someone else to care abut. just take every day as it comes.

Original poster

thelady · 24/07/2007 23:43

Thanks for the reassurance. I'm glad it's not just me thinking that I really don't need all these little colour-coded outfits/blankets/paraphanalia!

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moondog · 24/07/2007 23:45

No,you don't.It's all marketing bollocks as well as being fecking ugly.i recall peeling cutesy stickers and transfers of lots of things i was given.Couldn't bear cutesy picture of Winnie and Tigger frolicking..I had a £5 Moses basket fromAge Concern and a £20 stroller from a weird Moscow department store.Spent the cash I saved on book and fain wain.

pgrin]

EscapeFrom · 24/07/2007 23:49

You REALLY don't

Don't buy a baby bath, wipe warmer, proper clothes before 3 months old, special wall thermometer, colour coded outfits.

DO go to charity shops - baby clothes tend to be VERY lightly used, and EXTREMELY well cared for.

get baby a small cot, some plain fitted sheets, some nice cotton cellular blankets (non of that has to be new, by the way!), some clothes (vests and baby grows and a couple of cardigans and hats) andf unless you are planning to bottle feed that's your lot really!

Original poster

thelady · 25/07/2007 01:41

Much more like it! I've been promised the loan of a cot and moses basket by one of my staff (yes, we are that kind of business) and that was going to be the biggest purchase barring the car seat.

I'll wait a few more months, and then go mooching around the charity shops.

OP posts:

Wilkie · 25/07/2007 07:49

thelady - keep using MN as a good resource for calming panics and weird feelings. There will always be someone that has felt exactly the same way you do - that's what makes it so good. Might also be useful to join an ante-natal club. I used MN for months before realising there was an ante-natal club for my due month. I joined it at 7 months pg and they are now my back-bone and DS is 6 months old!!

Good luck x

Scampynoodle · 25/07/2007 14:24

Thelady, if it helps I feel just like you do. I'm 14 weeks now, after 20 years of being told that I was infertile, and of all the emotions I'm feeling, excited isn't remotely one of them.

In fact everyone around me is nuts with excitement and I just don't feel able to join in. It's been oddly isolating, actually, as if they're all in on a joke that I don't get. It's as some other posts on here have suggested - it takes time to get your head around it all and there's so much info to take in that it's boggling. It's like being asked to fly into space when, until a few months ago, you never went further than Torremolinos.

I reckon you can't go far wrong if you just determine to do things in your own time. Get excited when you're ready, buy stuff when you want to, don't be bullied into spending a bomb and ignore the crappy marketing bollocks.

Personally I'll take advice from Pampers/ Johnsons/ Cow & Gate when the respective MD's offer to pop over and breastfeed for me.

Oooh, aren't I feeling arsy today?

Original poster

thelady · 25/07/2007 18:42

Thanks Scampynoodle - it's nice to know that someone else is at the same place I am....

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motherinferior · 26/07/2007 11:22

I was in major denial for my first, unplanned, pregnancy - in fact, quite literally, until second stage labour. I went to a few antenatal classes and felt utterly weird about it all. Completely did my head in, the idea that after a few years trying to accept that I probably wouldn't have children (not physical infertility, but generally disastrous lovelife) that suddenly I was about to have one.

I feel for you.

It's sunk in a bit now that DD1 is six .

ahundredtimes · 26/07/2007 11:24

I was the same as motherinferior. Then when I finally picked up a pregnancy book, it was all about the things I was NOT allowed to do and that made it worse somehow.

motherinferior · 26/07/2007 11:29

And all the other pregnant dames I came across had read loads of books, and loads of parenting books, yet, and there I was glumly contemplating my increasing enormity. Oh yes.

On the other hand, you don't really need to do much advance preparation. They're very, er, full-on when they do arrive, babies. Personally I recommend spending the next few months reading some decent novels to take your mind off the whole thing.

ahundredtimes · 26/07/2007 11:31

Yes. Is all means to an end I think, all those dames who'd read the books and booked into Yoga classes and swimming and things seemd to have such EXPECTATIONS about the whole thing, which inevitably were not met.

Chattyhan · 26/07/2007 11:31

I think your feelings are just fine - not everyone gets excited - i tend to go through phases of excitement and aprehension! Most of the time my feelings are along the lines of are we doing the right thing? Can we really afford another baby? How will i cope with 2? But i know once lo is here most of the worries just disappear and you get on with it! DS is 2.5 and i'm 32 wks preg!

I tend to be a practical person generally and it sounds from your posts that you are too? I tend to worry about all the little things just in case but most of the time they never happen i'm sure this is just your way of preparing yourself for parenthood

sarahloumadam · 26/07/2007 13:00

I felt v.detached from it all once the intial excitement had died down especially as was extremely busy and stressed at work. Bump + kicking is making it seem more real but still glad I will have had 9 months to adjust to the idea of having a tiny person to look after. Think your feelings are v.normal (whats normal anyway?)

meemar · 26/07/2007 13:06

Do wipe warmers really exist? !

Tinkjon · 26/07/2007 14:24

Also, I think for some people it just doesn't feel real until your baby is born. At the moment it's just some random lump making me feel exhausted Not knowing what the baby looks like, what it's name is, how it acts, even whether it's a boy or girl - it's all just too random for me to feel like it's a real person and certainly not something I could actually feel attached to yet. But I promise you that when it's here it's another story altogether

Gemy · 26/07/2007 20:52

You can buy all the stuff the magazines tell you you need, but all of it won't really make any difference. I thought if I had everything, that it would all be so easy and manageable when the baby arrived so how wrong I was! Looking after a newborn is hard. Nappy wipe warmers will not change this fact.

I had a very good pregnancy, bought lots of stuff, had my rose-tinted glasses firmly on. When the baby arrived I realised how silly that was.

Just enjoy your pregnancy! It really is a magical time and don't let "stuff" get in the way of that.

As for your already far too ful to-do list, maybe that needs to be handed over to someone else? Indulge in long baths, long lunches with your DH, trips to the theatre, fun with your bump, lots of sex and generally having a good time!

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