Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Gender - to find out or not find out?

26 replies

amehh · 10/06/2019 17:59

My 20 week scan is this Thursday and all the way through I've been adamant about being team yellow, I found out with my DS, it was lovely to know and bond but just felt it would be nice to have a surprise this time. However! The closer I get to the scan, the more I change my mind! I have had some dreams of a girl (as well as everyone else being convinced) and although I'm genuinely not worried either way (I adore my DS), the curiosity is killing me! My DH originally wanted to know and now he is changing his mind every day as well!

One reason I'm not keen to know is because I really don't want the fuss, particularly if it IS a girl as it'll be the first in the family (3 boys so far), and also because I do think it'll be wonderful to know at delivery.....but I was also so zonked after DS that they could have told me anything and I wouldn't have registered it! Names aren't a problem as we have already chosen for both boy and girl (and definitely won't be revealing these before birth, regardless of if we find out or not!)

I'm not looking for anyone to make the decision for me, just after some different perspectives!

So what made you decide to find out or not?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

EscapeTheOrdinary · 10/06/2019 18:19

we chose to find out because I would just spend ages guessing and looking at stuff like the nub theory so figured if I knew I would focus that energy on something more productive! my husband just didn't see point in waiting to find out as he thought we would have enough going on the day he arrives! it is our first though!

someone I know found out but kept it a secret between them until the babies birth which I thought was quite a nice idea. we limited who we have told but they didn't even tell grandparents to be

McHelenz · 10/06/2019 18:42

We've chosen not to find out because it feels more exciting 😊

OhMyDarling · 10/06/2019 18:45

Didn’t find out with mine
And wouldn’t for any others in the future

It’s amazing after all your hard work to have a surprise- makes it so magical and everyone was so excited when mine were born as it was all such a surprise

NotSoThinLizzy · 10/06/2019 18:58

I've got my 20 week scan onto Thursday too 😊 I'm finding out while everyone else is kept in the dark for a while as DD wants to do a gender reveal (hold the eye rolls) found out with all of mine as it's a surprise no matter when you do find out. Plus after birth I was knackered and they could've told me the sky was pink and I wouldnt of listened. My mum didnt believe them i was a girl so got up after having a c section just to check 😂

PixieDust26 · 10/06/2019 19:07

We haven't found out 😊
I've had a dream about having a boy and a girl! 😂 5 more weeks will tell! Haha

tisonlymeagain · 10/06/2019 19:44

I didn't find out with my DC, but DP found out with his.

We're in two minds about this one! We'll be able to find out at 11 weeks as having the Harmony test but I'm just not sure, I liked having it to look forward to when I went into labour!

BlueMerchant · 10/06/2019 19:49

I found out with DS and DD a year later.
If I'm honest I was just so impatient.
I sometimes wish I had waited and experienced the ultimate suprise.

bananaontoast1 · 10/06/2019 20:05

We were going to wait, but then I Googled the nub theory too much, posted my scan photos on here and got far too impatient. We booked to find out at 16 weeks. 😂

Everyone who guessed on my photo was right, I'm having a boy.

Honestly it would have driven me mad waiting.

Farmmum7 · 10/06/2019 20:11

We found out with our first two and we're thinking of finding out with this one we have one of each so it doesn't matter what we're having but I didn't keep anything after my second and I want to be prepared. I live rurally and the closest clothes shops are at least an hour away I think it might be a bit much once the baby comes along to do the hours drive to get a few outfits so we are going to find out and then I can be prepared and not have to go anywhere major in the first couple of weeks.

My in-laws and my dad don't want to know what we're having so if we find out it'll just be the kids and my mum that we tell...the kids aren't the best secret keepers but to be honest if they tell people it won't change the fact it's going to be a bit or girl regardless of when you find out.

Ive also had horrendous morning sickness and bloating and bleeding and all the horrible stuff and it's hard to be excited about anything when you just want to make it through a day at a time so being able to plan names and look for outfits ect will be nice.

kelly14 · 10/06/2019 20:37

Found out with daughter ( 14 years)
Didn’t with son ( 14 months)
Not found out with this baby 21 weeks , although DH knows!
I definitely preffered not knowing and the surprise of finding out at birth is just amazing.

yourestandingonmyneck · 10/06/2019 20:42

I guess it makes it easier from a practical point of view if you already have dc as then you know what hand me downs to keep etc.

I can see the appeal of doing it both ways.

I have never understood those people who find out but "keep it secret".....seems a bit weirdly arrogant/smug to me. I just think "but you know that nobody other than you really cares?"

Amzhp · 11/06/2019 09:11

This is my first baby and we found out the sex at our 20 week scan, and I'm so thankful we did! It was a decision we literally made there and then, in the room!

This is going to sound awful - but leading up to that point I really struggled with my emotions and had some really low thoughts, to the point where I scared myself on a few occasions tbh. I began to freak out majorly about becoming a Mum and not being ready, and mourning my child-free life. Stupid and selfish I know For various reasons it's been a tough start to 2019 too, which didn't help with how I was feeling.

By the time the 20 week scan arrived I was an emotional wreck and consumed with anxiety to know that baby was healthy, etc.

I don't know why, as we had always said we thought we wanted a surprise, but in the moment we just looked at each other and knew that it felt right to find out the sex, so we asked
I literally felt the weight lift from me in that moment, along with all of that anxiety and those worries.

Since knowing about baby girl I've felt completely different, (it isn't because she's a girl at all, I soooooo just want a happy and healthy baby, regardless of the sex!), but it's allowed me to bond with my bump more. I feel so protective over her, I just love chatting away to my belly!

We are moving house in a few weeks, the new place needs alot of work, so it's also nice to know so we can sort her room and stuff

I've experienced alot of judgement from people about the fact that we've found out though, which I wasn't expecting. It's our baby and our choice as far as we are concerned!

The thing that gets me is when a stranger in a shop says, "ohh do you know what you're having!?" so you tell them, and then they go.. "ohh gosh so you found out then? Hmphh well I wouldn't have done!" and practically tsk at you!
I swear they only ask what you're having so they can catch you out and sieze the opportunity to pass judgement, it drives me mad!

Anyway, longest post ever, sorry! Good luck OP for your scan and whatever you decide xxx

senua · 11/06/2019 09:16

Your baby doesn't have a gender. It has a biological sex.

Kinsters · 11/06/2019 09:31

We're going to find out. I'm not very keen on surprises so I think I'd get more enjoyment from knowing in advance rather than finding out at the birth.

Sofin · 11/06/2019 10:29

I had this discussion with a friend of mine. She has refused to find out the sex of her DC as she believes not knowing will make the birth easier, as she can focus on "what will it be", rather than the pain.

In my view however, I feel that not knowing is going to make me enjoy the pregnancy less, and wanting it all to end so that I can find out..

People differ I guess

Longislandicedme · 11/06/2019 11:27

I’m in a similar situation, I found out with DS and decided not to this time. DP really wants to as this is his first but I just love the idea of finding out at the birth. I’m worried I’ll get my mind set on it being a certain sex (I’m obsessed with old wives tales) and i might feel odd if it’s not the one I thought. Saying that when I had DS I was just so grateful he was out and healthy I didn’t even think to check if he was definitely a boy.

I think if you’re in two minds, like I was at one point, I’d prefer to not find out because once you know then that’s it you can’t go back. Whereas if you don’t and it’s really eating away st you you can always get a private scan. I regretted finding out with DS a bit because I loved all the guessing. At the time we wasn’t sure if my father would still be alive by the time I gave birth so I found out as early as possible so he could know.

MrsD28 · 11/06/2019 13:43

I think that it absolutely depends on your own personality. I have found out at my 20 week scan with both pregnancies (have a DS and currently pregnant with DD). It would never even have occurred to me not to find out. But I hate surprises of any kind - I love to plan and organise things far in advance. I plan my meals, holidays, weekends, work days - everything! I would hate to go on a holiday for which I hadn't read a guide book. I have also found it useful for conversations with DS to know that we are expecting a girl - it makes our conversations about him becoming a big brother a bit more specific.

Original poster

amehh · 11/06/2019 15:49

Thanks everyone for your replies! I am back to team yellow today but who knows by Thursday?! DH and I have decided that we will only find out if we both agree and think it will just be a spur of the moment decision.

Just have to wait and see!

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 11/06/2019 15:53

Your baby doesn't have a gender. It has a biological sex.
^ this !

Leleophants · 11/06/2019 17:27

You could just pretend you didnt find out! Im not and it's so so hard but anything worth it is difficult. You can always find out later if you want to.

Leleophants · 11/06/2019 17:29

My main reason for not is so other people dont know and to stop gender stereotyping. Also once you find out I kind of get bored so want to keep it fun for others too!

Leleophants · 11/06/2019 17:32

@Amzhp I feel the opposite! Everyone thinks we're weird for not finding out but I love going into baby shops, they ask and I say nope! So they can't direct us into every sterotype possible. People have such strong opinions about the sex

Tommysmummy88 · 11/06/2019 17:33

I didn’t want to find out as I knew I’d be happy with a boy or a girl so the surprise would’ve been lovely either way!
I also wanted the surprise because I wanted that magical movie moment of when the baby’s born and the midwife says ‘it’s a boy/girl!!’.

If I have another, my DH is going to tell me the sex once the baby is born so he can announce it to me. Think it will be a special moment for him to remember

SaltedCaramelEverything · 11/06/2019 17:34

We found out with DC1. Felt like way too much unknown that we just wanted to know. We had no preference either way and loved to then focus on names for the right sex. I didn’t want to argue over a name that wouldn’t be used!

Now for DC2 we’re team yellow. Said we would to have the surprise and some extra excitement. Again I couldn’t care less, and love the idea of DH getting to tell me if that goes to plan!

HJWT · 11/06/2019 17:35

@amehh we found out with both! Girl and now a boy, I knew what they both were from the beginning so was just getting it confirmed!

I love being able to shop for either sex and cant wait to put him in his little brother baby grow to meet his big sis 😁 xx

Flip

1 2