He's said no to more kids so do I say no to more sex?

[trixytrix]

I lost my last twin pregnancy at 18 weeks. This was the fourth. And my partner now don't want to try for anymore. I'm furious as I have no choice, have two dc with him already and too old to break up and go looking for someone else to have baby with.

I'm not sure how we will get past this but at the moment I see no reason to be intimate what so ever.

Anybody out there who have been through similar situation?

Your hurting, I get that, and rightly so . It's a terrible thing to suffer a mc. Your dealing with it in your way, but perhaps so is your husband. Perhaps he is doing what many men do in an emotional situation. Don't talk about it , don't share his thoughts about it, forget about it. That might mean shutting himself away from something happening like it again. I'm sure in your relationship that every time you had sex it wasn't for the intention for a baby all the time !
I know you feel time is against you and maybe it is, but is it really worth the angst this is bringing to your relationship.

If you ban sex he will just find it elsewhere. Sorry, not trying to be mean to you but it's the truth. He must be hurting too

Sorry for your loss. You're clearly hurting and that's a huge loss to have.

He is within his rights not to want any more children and you are also right to say you don't want sex for any reason, however to withold sex as a punishment or in an attempt to make him cave in over another baby would be manipulative.

Maybe consider talking to someone properly about your loss, separately or together, might help you approach the topic later in a clearer state.

It is possible part of your DH reaction is his own way of coping with the miscarriages. I know from experience that the partner can’t always express their feelings surrounding these losses but they feel them very deeply. Maybe he is protecting himself and you from more heartache in his own way.

Maybe some time off from ttc and talking through how you’re both feeling honestly would help. Take sex off the table until you’re both clear on where you go from here.

I hope it’s grief and that he comes around to trying again once he’s processed it. Best of luck and so sorry for your many losses. X

I'm very sorry for your losses OP.

As others have said, you do not have to have sex with him if you don't want to. That's your right. But make sure that you're making that decision for the right reasons and not because you think he'll change his mind if you withold sex. It won't work.