Stupid question about ante natal appointments and employers

[Tableclothing]

I'd rather not tell my employer early on, but I'm going to have to, aren't I? The midwife at my GP practice only offers appointments during hours I have to be at work. There isn't a way round it, is there?

Can you just say you have an appointment at the medical centre? Would your employer ask why? If they do, can you reply that you'd rather not go into the details?

Ah. Yes. Thank you.

I knew it was a stupid question

I work with a bunch of medical personnel so it's going to be hard enough hiding it as it is.

The difference at my work is that you don't have to make the time back for antenatal appointments but you do for other medical appointments so I chose to tell my work as I've been having quite a few trips to the hospital lately.

So far I've had 2 midwife appointments and 3 scans without telling my employer and have another 2 scans booked before I tell them. I just say I'm working from home or doctors or dentist appointment and no-one is any wiser.

There's very little flexibility around my working hours and it's not a job that can be done from home, unfortunately. Last time I needed an optician appointment I had to schedule it for 4.30 (optician only open till 5) and make the time up.

I'm clearly going to have to tell them. And my line manager is... Not discreet. And there's likely a promotion opportunity coming up in a couple of months

Yep, telling them is the only way to get the paid time off for antenatal appointments that you're entitled to, unless your employer also offers paid time off for all medical appointments. The alternative is to take annual leave.

You are only looking at probably 4 appts between now and 20 weeks (booking, 12wk scan, 16wk appt and 20wk scan). With careful planning you could do these in a lunchbreak/slightly early finish depending how far you are from your gp surgery and hospital.

I swear I'm not trying to find problems, but:
My working hours are 9-5.

The midwife antenatal appointments are only available 1.30 - 4.30 on one day a week (same day we have the monthly team meeting, so I guess there's a silver lining there).
My GP is 40 mins away from work.
The hospital is an hour away.
I'm allowed 30 mins for lunch.

I have to put in AL requests 4 weeks in advance, minimum, and it's likely to be denied if I already have clients booked in (which I probably do, can't see my work diary from home) unless there are exceptional circumstances.

Any ideas for anything I can do to discourage my loose-lipped line manager from spreading it far and wide? (no access to horse's heads either)

You have two options, tell them or book a half day off. I booked the day off for my initial booking in appointment as I worked 1 1/4 from home and appointments were only at 11, 12 or 2 if I remember correctly. For the scan (18 weeks only) I told them and got the first appointment of the day at 10, then appointments were monthly and I booked either the 9am or 5pm, I hope they have extended hours these days as it's really hard in London.

Sounds like you've got no option but to tell them unfortunately. I've been lucky with midwife appointments and consultant led scans as I can always get a 9am/9.15am/9.30am appointment as you make them yourself with the receptionists but not for my 12 and 20 week scan where I just got a letter in the post from the hospital and both were right slap bang in the middle of the day!

If your manager is indiscreet then I’d suggest telling them verbally then following up with an email. In the email confirm that you have not told anyone else and that the information is not to be shared without your consent. At least then if they do share the info you can challenge them and/or report to HR

Is there a home birth team in your area? They do all my antenatal appointments at home and very flexible with times! Doesn't help with scans though, but in my experience they often offer earlier or later appointments.

I told my work. I wanted the time off without booking leave or working it back and if I had bad news then I'd have needed to take some time off and told them the reason. I couldn't see a reason not to tell them really

@NowWeAreSuckingDiesel I have a high risk pregnancy at the moment and won't be signed off by my consultant until 24 weeks so want as few people as possible to know until I know everything is going to be ok. Also there's no reason I need to tell my employer, I get lots of flexibility in my working life anyway. Haven't told any friends or family yet, only another 5 weeks to go!

OP can you not just say to your line manager that this is confidential, you are early in your pregnancy and absolutely don't want anyone else to know? Would you manager still be indiscreet?

At the start I only told my line manager and was very clear that I wouldn't be telling any other colleagues until a much later time. I didn't feel the need to put it in writing, but if you think they are loose lipped I would definitely do that.

If you have concerns that your line manager will blab, then I would request a meeting with your line manager and HR, tell them your situation and that under no circumstances should the news be shared until you are ready to make it official. Then ask HR to write up the meeting and get your line manager and yourself to sign it. It's a bit more formal but if you manager did ever tell anyone else, you have back up from HR :) x

Just say you have a medical appointment. Will they ask you why?

Could you tell the next person up instead, to approve your time off? I did this as my immediate line manager is a knob.

My last scan was 2hrs late so I was off all morning, I think they'd be suspicious if I was meant to have just been at the drs/dentist.

Firsttimemum1984 - I get that but if you have any unfortunate bad news, you're going to have to tell your work anyway as you'll need time off. I just don't get not telling work if you want to make the most of getting time off for antenatal appts without taking leave. It's highly unlikely anyone is going to be gossiping about it. Your own pregnancy isn't nearly as exciting for other people

I used annual leave for my first few appointments as I didn’t want to tell anyone.

@NowWeAreSuckingDiesel why take the risk telling them when I don't need to? I have flexibility from my employer and can go to as many appointments as I want without them even noticing. If something bad did happen then I would tell my boss but I will cross that bridge when I come to it, if I come to it so far everything is looking good & likely to be signed back to low risk at 23 weeks. It's a non issue so I don't need to make it one, just lucky that I have the ability to go to the appointments without having to tell anyone anything.

Sorry, what's the risk with telling them?

It's good you have flexibility, but not everyone does