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Original poster

Please talk me out of trying for No. 3

33 replies

golds · 13/09/2004 11:24

Well, I have a dd (nearly 7) and ds (4) both are at school and I have lots and lots of time on my hands.

I work 2 evenings a week at a job I enjoy, Ive just joined the Gym and I'm enjoying jaccuzi's etc, just about to go into town for a mooch and might get my hair done. Sounds like a nice life eh ?, the kind of life I was looking forward to, yes well so far, I have enjoyed my freedom, but I am so broody.

Is having another one, going to fulfill my life, after all I will be spending all my time concentrating on a newborn giving it the attention my dd had.

All the questions that I answer in my head say, you don't need another one, go and get yourself a job etc etc., but I just can't stop thinking about a 3rd child, we did decide to try back in Feb, but gave up really quickly as I thought I may regret it as I was looking forward to the 'freedom', now that its here, I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone been in the same situation? has it been the best thing ever having another, or should I just get myself a cat and call it the name I have already choosen for my imaginary child.

Decisions, decisions

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cartrefle · 13/09/2004 11:31

After my second - ds then dd we debated at length whether we wanted no. 3...until we discovered I was accidentally pregnant....with twins!! I love everyone of them to bits but have had a very rough ride both in pregnancy and since with the twins...much of it is passed now. Both dh and I agree we would have been far more sensible to stop at two (hindsight is a great thing). Such a big decision for any woman. I would advise that you listen to your body and heart not your mind!! GL with deciding.

nutcracker · 13/09/2004 11:34

OOooh i'm no help i'm afraid as i still can't decide about no4.

If you had to make a desicion in 2 minutes and it would be final, what would you say then ??

Aero · 13/09/2004 11:36

Sorry golds - am probably not being very helpful here, but my ds1 is 6 and dd is four and we went through this exact thing, and decided to go ahead, knowing that we'd (esp me) regret it if we didn't. Ds2 was born in Jan this year and is the light of my life (well one of them, but a pretty special one), and there's no question about it - it is hard and I do have my hands full (and I was ill for the first six months of his life with one infection after another, and verrrrry tired), but I don't regret it for one second, and it almost feels like having the first one all over again - it's just lovely and he brings us so much joy. Probably not what you want to hear, but I'm just so glad now that we went ahead with our gut feeling that'd it'd be fine - and it's been just sooooo much better than fine despite illness, disturbed nights etc.

Tessiebear · 13/09/2004 11:36

Well .... i am in EXACTLY the same situation as you! DS1 6.5 and DS2 nearly 4 (not at full time school but attends the nursery dept of the school)Yesterday DH and i decided that we are going to ttc no.3. I have been thinking about it for months ... last year we got a puppy (but i am afraid they are no REAL substitute!) On one hand i am now feeling really excited that we are finally going to do it and (hopefully) complete our family, on the other hand i am terrified that we are making a wrong decision - DS's are getting a lot easier, space in the car, space in the house, morning sickness and coping with two! etc etc. But i think that if we dont do it the feeling will never go away and then there will be an even bigger age gap between children. So i would say go for it, but...... even though you have two at school and you will have more time to give to the baby, remember .... you still have to do the school run with 3 children, the day will not be as relaxed as with your first as you are governed by time and the school holidays do occupy quite a lot of the year!!!

Tessiebear · 13/09/2004 11:40

That is a really good way to make a decision nutcracker, i think it forces you to go with your gut feeling.

Bibiboo · 13/09/2004 11:42

If it helps, I am 8 months pg with db1 and the way I am feeling today, I would NEVER go through this again!
Backache, indigestion, constipation, sore ribs, HUGE belly, fat feet, fatigue and CTS ... no thanks

HTH

Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 11:48

I know, I know its a big one. Nutcracker if I had to decided that quickly I would say YES !!!

I just can't see myself going through life without another. I am supposed to be doing a boot sale next week to get rid of all my stuff and I have changed my mind, I can't let go.

I think I am feeling a bit lonely ATM, I feeling like I have the empy nest sydrome, I don't feel needed anymore, I leave them at school at 9am, pick them up at 3.10pm get a load of abuse off them, cause they are tired and can so and so come home for tea etc etc....

I know I won't have all that time that I had with dd and I did think this morning when I was trying to get them out of the door, Oh what would it be like with a pram as well, but my thoughts are still craving another.

Also to take into consideration, is I have just had a new car, we walked straight passed all the 'practical' ones and went for a slightly smaller one. Also if we did have another, it would mean within the next few years (if its a girl) we would have to extended the house to create space. I am rambling aren't I ? I am trying to look only for negatives ? my parents and family would think I was mad.

Why do I worry so much about the impact I may have on others, I should say stuff them and think of myself. All my life I have thought I ws second best, I just want to be perfect.

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Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 11:51

Bibiboo - yeh but didn't I just see you say on another thread that you also pier into the nursey and can't wait to fill it.

Thankfully I had very good pregnancies and enjoyed every minute of it, very short labours (2 & 4 hrs) so even that won't put me off

OP posts:
Chandra · 13/09/2004 11:53

I think of pregnancy and how long it has take me to go back to my original size, I think about how horrible I looked in pregnancy nd after it (I didn't look as nice as some expecting mother do), I think in the little time I have free for myself and how much that time cost us in nursery fees, but then, I look through the window and see neighbour walking her 4 children to school and I wish we have a big family like hers

Not much use, I know...

On the other hand you maybe experiencing something smilar to what parents feel when their children go to University or get married and leave home. In a way you may feel as if you have made redundant but this may soon pass,if this is likely to be the case, i guess it would be nice to find something interesting to do with your time like practicin seriously a hobbie or get more days at work

Tessiebear · 13/09/2004 11:57

Another thing that swated my decision was the thought that when my two DS's are both full time at school my days would be spent down my DH's office filling and making tea!

Tessiebear · 13/09/2004 11:58

that should say "Swayed" my decision

nutcracker · 13/09/2004 11:58

That is my main prob Gold, I am too worried about what others will say if I have another. If i'm honest it's the only thing stopping me.

I also feel awful at the thought of never ever having another baby.

We would have the car problem too, as we would need an MPV, but tbh I know we would get round that so.

I can't really help you with your desicion but would just say that you need to stop worrying about what others think, and think about what you want honestly.

Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 12:01

Exactly I am feeling lonely and useless, but at the same time, I don't just want another one to stop me from being bored.

I am 1 of 3 (so is dh) and I just can see myself in years to come having had 3, I don't want to regret it, then having said that many people who do have a 3rd may regret what they didn't do as opposed to what they did do. If that makes sense

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Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 12:04

Lets face it, the car really shouldn't be an issue for me, it is still a 5 seater car and dd and ds won't be with me in the day and dh would only be with us all at weekends.

So many excuses.......

OP posts:
nutcracker · 13/09/2004 12:05

I think you already know what you would like to do, but are just worried about it.

I also think that this thread has had the opposite effect

Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 12:08

I knew when I posted the thread, all I wanted was for someone to say 'go for it'

OP posts:
jampot · 13/09/2004 12:09

You;d be mad to have another one Golds - think of the hassle - why stop at 3 you could go on to have 4, 5 or 6? then you'd have to change your car, and probably your house too. Think about how deprived your children will be when you peg it and they have to split their inheritance 5 or 6 ways - it won't leave them a lot will it? No... not to mention the shitty nappies, vomit, childhood illnesses again, all those soft play sessions just when you thought you'd finished with them. What about school fees/college fees/holidays. hm???

jampot · 13/09/2004 12:10

but they are sooo cute aren;t they??

nutcracker · 13/09/2004 12:10

O.k go for it, you would be great as a mum of 3 and you won't regret it.

Right you have permission, off you go

nutcracker · 13/09/2004 12:11

PMSL Jampot

coddychops · 13/09/2004 12:13

have anther one
t hey are fab
"three is the new two" dontcha know
my dssses ahev been running up to greet ds3 as he wakes up every monring fro 18 months
t hey are WILd about ecach other

Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 12:14

Thanks Jampot, but you still haven't put me off

What about when you put your finger on their hands and watch their little fingers curly up arrh.

Well Nutcracker have you changed your mind too ???

OP posts:
jampot · 13/09/2004 12:14

go on then - get procreating!!!!

Original poster
golds · 13/09/2004 12:15

Thants the down side to it isn't it dh will be happy though

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nutcracker · 13/09/2004 12:20

I have decided not to go back to college but to do an OU course instead and learn to drive. Then probably about next July, August we I will start TTC .

If i could drive i'd start now, but my hospital is far away so it would make sense if i could get myself to appointments, and 4 kids on a bus would drive me mad too.