Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

Original poster

Pregnant and confused

8 replies

April1019 · 10/05/2019 09:27

I discovered I am pregnant a few days ago, We have children from previous relationships. He says he doesn’t want this baby but wants one in the future. I just feel so alone, he will hardly talk to me about it. I want this baby but have made an appointment to discuss a termination next week even though I don’t want to do that. I’ve had one before years ago and felt so awful afterwards and bullied into it. How have I let myself end up in this mess again. Sorry just need to vent.

OP posts:

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 10/05/2019 12:51

Hi there, OP.

Just wanted to offer a hand to hold and say sorry you're in this situation. If you're weighing up the idea of a termination, you might like to post in our Pregnancy Choices board. We'd be happy to move the thread over there for you if you like. Just hit report on your post to drop us a line.

Hopefully someone else will be along shortly with some wise words but don't be bullied into doing something you don't want to.

Original poster

April1019 · 10/05/2019 13:05

I can't see how to move it, sorry, I'm new to this app.

OP posts:

IncrediblySadToo · 10/05/2019 13:13

I want this baby

Then there is your answer.

YOU are the one that’s pregnant.

He’s barely talking to you because you’re pregnant & won’t just go and have a termination on his say so? He sounds like a complete arse.

Saying he doesn’t want this baby but wants one in the future? FFS. This baby is your BABY, not a takeaway. Not something he can just order if he fancies it at another time.

Having a termination, when you don’t want one, to keep someone else happy is a terrible idea. You will resent him AND go through what you have after your previous termination. It’s no guarantee at all of your relationship working out.

Timide · 10/05/2019 13:17

Don't do smth you will regret about later. Take your time. You need to come to peace with yourself. I hope you will put all your strength together and make the right choice. Right for you!

orchardgirl · 10/05/2019 13:30

Hello April1019

You said you want the baby.

A termination that isn't your decision is a very bad idea. As you (and I) know it is huge life experience. Please take some time to think.

It is completely your decision, and not your partner's. He also wants a baby but I'm afraid they don't come to order.

Good luck and we're here if you want to chat.

Original poster

April1019 · 10/05/2019 14:23

Thank you to everyone who has sent a reply, I agree with everything that everyone has said. I do understand his excuses but feel they are just excuses and that we would be in exactly the same position re housing, children's health (one poorly child) that could deteriorate or stay really well and everything else in 12 months time. He really is a a lovely man but I just can't understand his reaction. Maybe it's shock, maybe it's just a stressful time we have just been through, maybe I'm just making excuses for the excuses. If he would just talk to me about it I'm sure I could understand more. He talks to me about anything and everything apart from the fact I'm pregnant. Everywhere I go there seems to be babies, I don't feel like I can escape to give myself some time to think. I hated the thought of not giving a baby the chance after I ended the first pregnancy and I could give this baby everything it needs. There is just so much more to this decision that I can even put into words and the emotions after a termination were horrendous for me, however I would have to move on for my children and a baby would be for life. I just don't know what to do. Sorry to sound so indecisive, I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this so I have just blurted out a lot of my thoughts.

OP posts:

orchardgirl · 10/05/2019 14:46

It is a shock to find our you're pregnant if you aren't actively trying and planning for this big change in your life. I think a lot of people could admit that their first emotion wasn't happiness or joy but something completely different!

You said you only found out a few days ago. Your partner will be in shock, and hoping it goes away can sometimes be a knee-jerk reaction to something unexpected and overwhelming.

I have a friend who has been through a similar situation. Good relationship, 2 kids already, not a lot of money, pregnant with a third by accident. He said in no uncertain terms that he didn't want it. She refused. They now adore that child and goodness knows how he feels about the way he acted.

I would say give it time. If he is going on about it, say you need time to process what is going on. You are the one who is pregnant. Look after yourself and give yourself time to accept this and he will too.

IncrediblySadToo · 10/05/2019 16:35

the emotions after a termination were horrendous for me

Why are you even contemplating another termination?

You don’t need his permission or his blessing to keep this baby. He was having sex, he knows what can happen. Was he even using condoms?

He is not lovely. He’s not talking to you about this. He’s TOLD you what needs to happen and now he’s blanking you to get the result he wants.

I’m really sorry one of the children is/has been so ill, I hope for the best for them 🌷

Flip