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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm too afraid to tell him i am pregnant.

52 replies

ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 07:51

Hi guys, bit of a lengthy one here!
Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, and are completely in love with eachother. We have spoken about the future and about the things we want with one another, and children is something that we both agreed we want. So i am currently on the cerazette pill and been taking it every day. However, huge huge shock, but i have just found out i am 1-2 weeks pregnant, and as you can imagine this is massively unplanned. I am already a mum to a beautiful 6 year old, and i have brought him up on my own and he is my absolute world. And i know, 100%, that eventually i want another one.

However.. this is where it gets tricky. My boyfriend split with his ex about 12 months ago. He just didnt love her anymore, but they had a house together ect so continued living with one another untill they decided what to do. During that break up, he ended up sleeping with her and she fell pregnant. He supported her through it but didnt get back with her due to knowing it wasnt what he wants. He is an amazing daddy to his little boy.. but said child is only 4 months old!! And now i am pregnant with his child? And i am terrified he will be worried about what people will think and up and leave. His ex is currently still in there house as she hasnt been able to find anywhere suitable for her and baby, so my partner is currently living with me until she does. So its an awkward situation as it is. Her thinks alot of his ex, and i know that he will be worried this will hurt her too much and i don't want to base my decision on her feelings.

So i am stupidly scared to tell him. What if i end up a single mum again? But if he loves me he would support me right? I'm not even sure i want this baby myself.. but what if i never get the chance to be a mum again? And then i look at my partner knowing i am carrying his child and feel nothing but butterflies. What if it puts my partner off cause we can't go out and do the things we love doing like drinking ect.. i am going out my mind and just dont know what do.

I hinted that i was late last night and he asked if i was pregnant, to which i responded i wasnt sure. He said it would be the last thing he needs due to his situation and that we would have to have a serious discussion. I am already thinking about this baby as being a single mum, but it would break my heart to loose him Confused and would i ever meet anybody again being a single mum to 2 children?

OP posts:
lovinglifexo · 26/04/2019 07:58

I would have an abortion personally

  • he wouldn’t be happy
  • you’d be a single mum again
  • dating is harder not impossible but harder then u have 2 kids
  • 10 months is really not a long time to have a child with someone
Kinsters · 26/04/2019 07:59

Ah such a difficult situation. I think you'll have to speak to him about it and better to do it sooner rather than later.

Do you know exactly how pregnant you are? Have you only just missed your period?

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 07:59

I think you need to be realistic here. Are you willing to have this baby and raise it alone? You need to answer that first and foremost.

You need to sit him down and tell him. It would appear likely he will not wish to have another baby so early in this relationship, with someone he has known literally a few months.

I am concerned you've moved him in so quickly when you have a child and when you know for him that's really just due to thr situation with his ex and the living complexities, not because he wished to live with you at the stage.

Overall I think you've rushed this and you need to make your own decision first and speak to him about his wishes. You need to be willing to raise the child alone with no involvement from him if he says he wishes you not to proceed, which is likely what he is going to request.

Tunnockswafer · 26/04/2019 08:01

If you’re really both so in love, you should never be scared of telling him something.

IceRebel · 26/04/2019 08:04

I am concerned you've moved him in so quickly when you have a child

THIS! I can't get past knowing someone for just 10 months, and them already living with you and your child.

RoseAndRose · 26/04/2019 08:05

If you really can't tell him, the relationship is doomed.

I hope this is just a silly bit of cold feet, which passes rapidly, nit something deeper.

Singlenotsingle · 26/04/2019 08:09

He likes to spread himself about, doesn't he? And yes, you're going to have to tell him and take it from there. He doesn't sound keen. But don't worry that no one will have you with 2 kids. They will. Trust me, I know!

Original poster
ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 08:30

I haven't posted this looking for judgement. People do things differently and me and my little boy have loved having him here with us. Him and my little boy get along amazingly and have a lovely bond.

OP posts:
Tunnockswafer · 26/04/2019 09:20

Yeah, but one you think will be broken because of your news. What’s the point of giving a child a “lovely bond” if it’s not a long term one?
Decide how you feel about the new baby before telling him. You may or may not be comfortable with the idea of termination. Work it out and then tell him - give him time to get used to the idea. If he’s as in love as you say he will come round.

Daffodil2491 · 26/04/2019 09:34

Hi, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, I can’t imagine the stress! Sending hugs. Unfortunately you’ve been caught out by your contraception which lots of people are! I hope you have some friends/family that will be able to help you through this. Ultimately nobody can tell you what to do, I always find being honest is less harmful and the longer you leave it the worse it could be, however before you say anything get clear in your head what you want/can cope with/can live with, it’s your body and your baby. If you lost the baby how would you feel? This may indicate how you feel about that. Take care of yourself and your little ones and regardless of what you decide I’m sure you can do it, I have a friend who separated from her long term husband (because he was a waste of space) she had 3 children, she is soon getting married to her new partner and he is amazing with the children the right person is out there if this doesn’t work out, but you also need to give him a chance. Blokes say things when they don’t know all the facts, his outburst the other day when you said you were unsure is his knee jerk reaction and doesn’t necessarily mean he will say the same when given the facts, however it may take him some time, or he may also be unhappy, you won’t know until you tell him. Don’t be pushed into anything, and take care of yourself, like so many things there is no easy solution, ignore judgemental comments, they aren’t living your life and I don’t think anyone has the right to judge. X

SprinkleFairy · 26/04/2019 09:39

Yes, it's unsettling for kids to develop loving relationships and then the person they've formed a bond with disappears from their life for no reason that the child can see.

That's generally why people wait a while before introducing their new boyfriend to their kids, let alone moving them in.

At the end of the day you need to talk to your boyfriend and the earlier you do that the easier it will be to sort out if you decide to have an abortion.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 26/04/2019 09:46

It's really not fair on your son I'm afraid

SammySamSam09 · 26/04/2019 09:51

And the situation you now find yourself in is the reason why you shouldn't have moved so fast. Now your boy will lose his nice new daddy figure. If you can't see that then you are not putting your sons feelings first and that's terrible.

Downthecanal · 26/04/2019 10:05

Chelly no judgement here. Shit happens.

Please don’t state if you claim benefits because you will get hammered on here

I agree with everything tunnock says.

Just wait till you figure out if you want to keep the pregnancy first as you might abort and he could leave you anyway - ten months really isn’t that long.

Don’t focus on not being able to meet some one who will take on two kids - plenty of men would.

Just focus on how you feel and if you want to keep it. It really is your decision only

A new baby will not ruin your sons life.

Mummyoftwo91 · 26/04/2019 10:06

This is a hard one I understand your worries, I would tell him and come to a decision together, I would be worried at how soon it is being together 10 months I would have to think of my other child and think of the impact it would have on him should things not work out, he sounds like he's a good dad to his son but a baby puts a lot of strain on a new relationship, you must be so stressed op, no judgment here But I think you should tell your partner so you can have his support right now

Downthecanal · 26/04/2019 10:07

Oh people love being sanctimonious on these threads 🙄🙄

TerryWogansWilly · 26/04/2019 10:11

You'd think he would learn to wear a condom. Hmm Ten months in it's really nothing to do with him what you do with the baby. He had his chance to not become a father. I wouldn't have it under the assumption he will stay with you though.

SaveOurSausages · 26/04/2019 10:18

  1. are you prepared to raise this baby alone?

  2. make any decision on what you can cope with. As a pp said - your relationship might end regardless of the decision. If you abort when you don't want to then stay together it could rip you apart anyway. So make a decision where you won't resent anything.

  3. Don't consider his ex. He AND she both made the decision to sleep together and BOTH now have a consequence. Same as you. Why do her feelings figure in this? She knows he lives with a new woman and she knew the risks of sex. As did you. So, that takes me back to point A. Can you do this alone?

Marlena1 · 26/04/2019 10:29

I wouldn't beat yourself up about doing it so soon, doing it at any point can throw up problems. Maybe this is just sooner than expected. I would talk to him though and give him some time to digest it before you make a decision. You have done it before so you know what would be ahead of you. The 6 year old is past the baby stage but would be close enough in age for them to be friends.

Teddybear45 · 26/04/2019 10:31

Just tell him. His reaction might be the complete opposite. you never know.

Downthecanal · 26/04/2019 10:46

I think going of what op has already posted he won’t be jumping for joy. That’s why she needs to figure out what she wants first

Original poster
ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 10:49

I think its terrible that you can make such judgement over one post that doesnt show even 1% of my life. Yes i am in a very stressful situation.. but my baby has always come first and his feelings have always been considered. Him and my partner get along very well, i have never had any concern on them meeting or him up and leaving because i knew we wanted to be together so i had no issue in them creating a bond. My partner adores me son as does my son him. I never planned to end up pregnant so soon on which is why i was on contraception.. but it has happened. My son is the first person i considered when finding out, and i will be sure he is kept unhurt whatever happens. I came on here looking for advice, not to be made out to be an awful mum or person because at 10 months my partner is living with me. Not myself, my partner or family see anything wrong with that. Yes its fast, but when something feels right, why is it wrong? I am just very full of emotions and fears right now which is why i am asking for advice, and the fear of him upping and leaving is down to the scars of my past. So take your judements elsewhere. Nothing terrible here, my 6 year old is a beautiful, thriving little boy. He wants for nothing, he is loved, he is cared for, he is polite and so well mannered, most caring little boy there is and he is always alwaya thought of and put first. So please dont worry about me not thinking about my son. Honestly.. didnt think mumsnet was full of such judgement.

OP posts:
Isohungy · 26/04/2019 10:54

You've put your son first you say? How so?

The fact you're even remotely concerned that he will leave and you will be a single mum again should tell you that it is 100%not ok to have moved him in and encouraged a bond.

Jfc. What is wrong with you? TEN MONTHS?! And thats without all the babymama drama.

I hope you are financially stable enough to raise another child because I don't see this ending well. For the sake of your son an abortion should be considered.

FissionChips · 26/04/2019 11:01

Yes its fast, but when something feels right, why is it wrong?

Just because something feels right you think it can’t be the wrong thing to do? Confused

You haven’t put your child first, you’ve moved a man into his home and you’re not even sure the man will stay with you once he knows you’re pregnant.
Poor child faces losing someone’s he’s bonded with and then having a sibling foisted upon him.

Downthecanal · 26/04/2019 11:08

I hope you are financially stable enough to raise another child because I don't see this ending well. For the sake of your son an abortion should be considered

ODFO Iso get a grip!

Its really shit and snidy when posters start using children to beat the OP with

‘ I feel sorry for you son’
‘For the sake of your son consider an abortion’

None of you give two shits about op kid, it just makes you feel better to be an arsehole to some one else.