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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I'm too afraid to tell him i am pregnant.

52 replies

ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 07:51

Hi guys, bit of a lengthy one here!
Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, and are completely in love with eachother. We have spoken about the future and about the things we want with one another, and children is something that we both agreed we want. So i am currently on the cerazette pill and been taking it every day. However, huge huge shock, but i have just found out i am 1-2 weeks pregnant, and as you can imagine this is massively unplanned. I am already a mum to a beautiful 6 year old, and i have brought him up on my own and he is my absolute world. And i know, 100%, that eventually i want another one.

However.. this is where it gets tricky. My boyfriend split with his ex about 12 months ago. He just didnt love her anymore, but they had a house together ect so continued living with one another untill they decided what to do. During that break up, he ended up sleeping with her and she fell pregnant. He supported her through it but didnt get back with her due to knowing it wasnt what he wants. He is an amazing daddy to his little boy.. but said child is only 4 months old!! And now i am pregnant with his child? And i am terrified he will be worried about what people will think and up and leave. His ex is currently still in there house as she hasnt been able to find anywhere suitable for her and baby, so my partner is currently living with me until she does. So its an awkward situation as it is. Her thinks alot of his ex, and i know that he will be worried this will hurt her too much and i don't want to base my decision on her feelings.

So i am stupidly scared to tell him. What if i end up a single mum again? But if he loves me he would support me right? I'm not even sure i want this baby myself.. but what if i never get the chance to be a mum again? And then i look at my partner knowing i am carrying his child and feel nothing but butterflies. What if it puts my partner off cause we can't go out and do the things we love doing like drinking ect.. i am going out my mind and just dont know what do.

I hinted that i was late last night and he asked if i was pregnant, to which i responded i wasnt sure. He said it would be the last thing he needs due to his situation and that we would have to have a serious discussion. I am already thinking about this baby as being a single mum, but it would break my heart to loose him Confused and would i ever meet anybody again being a single mum to 2 children?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 11:16

Downthecanal.. i appreciate your post. Honestly, some of the things you are all saying is awful. I have found myself in a messy situation.. are all of your lifes perfect? And financially stable.. i work full time and in a very good position. But course, none of that matters because i am a terrible mum who doesnt consider my child feelings. I turned to this site for a bit of help and advice.. and now i feel 100× worst. You can all say what u need too about him living here but its a decision we both made and not once have i needed to question if its wrong. We both work full time ans he sees his son 3 times a week, so its not like we are say in all day, scrounging benefits and doing nothing with our lives. I appreciate all your advice though. For those of you who didnt judge and tried to offer kind words, i really appreciate that. Thank you

OP posts:
Downthecanal · 26/04/2019 11:19

chelly Dh basically moved in after six weeks, he just came round from work one evening and never went home! I also got pregnant six months in - which was a shock but we came round to the idea. However your situation is slightly different because he already has a difficult situation.

I did a pregnancy test as a joke with my friend and was bowled over when it was positive and I was still in shock when I walked through the front door and Dh (then dp) asked me what was up so I told him.

Ignore the pearl clutchers.

I had a termination to dd1 dad when I was 18. Dd1 was very young and I didn’t want to be with him anymore and I had my hands full with dd1. At that time it was right for me.

When I got pregnant to Dh six months in the thought never really because an option, I had my own place and money coming. I would have continued regardless. I was 34

Focus on your self Flowers

Original poster
ChellyLou1993 · 26/04/2019 11:21

I never once said he WILL up and leave.. i just have fears it could happen and that all stems from what has happened in my past. I suppose i won't know untill i tell him like you all said.. i know i have different options, just need to figure out what is best for me.

OP posts:
Nesssie · 26/04/2019 11:27

Op, first things first, do you want this baby?
Aborting now won't affect your chances of having a baby later in life, when you, your son and your partner are ready.

If you do have this baby, can you raise both children alone? Obviously you have done a great job with your son, but 2 is slightly more difficult.

It sounds like your partner is a good dad to his child, and gets on great with your son, so although this baby is not great timing, and he may take a bit of time to get his head round, there is nothing to suggest he will leave.

lifeofamummy · 26/04/2019 11:52

Talk about kicking someone while they're down. I think a few of you are missing the point of the post!! Take your judgemental statements somewhere where they've actually been asked for. OP has not asked for any of your opinions on her child meeting and living with this man in his home. Although I don't agree with it, it's not really any of mine or anyone else's business.

OP, I suggest you get it straight in your head about what you want first and keep in mind this relationship could end regardless of whether the baby is kept or not. Gather all the pros and cons and work out what if best for you and your son not your boyfriend. If you want the baby don't be forced into anything you don't want to do no matter what anyone says. This is YOUR decision.
Take care and best of luck Thanks

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2019 11:58

I think your thoughts are jumbled. You start off by saying you're scared to be a single mum, then come back to tell us he will never leave and that's just your own insecurities, and as such he will stay and raise the child

Then just tell him op. There is nothing to be gained by stalling.

Prequelle · 26/04/2019 12:03

Just to let you know OP, because it's going to be important when you speak to healthcare professionals, you can't technically be 1-2 weeks pregnant because that's before conception even occurs (yes I know it's weird how we work it out!). I don't mean to patronize because I know you've had a child before but just wanted to let you know so you don't get eh? reactions.

I would say count back from the first day of your last period because that's how it's worked out but you're on the pill so it's difficult

xJune88 · 26/04/2019 12:05

You're not going to know his feelings or response until you tell him. Speak to him and take it all from there. If you want this baby you keep this baby. Ignore the negativity and judgement x

naughtynorm · 26/04/2019 13:35

Some vile responses on here, I'm sure some people get a thrill from sticking the boot in I can't imagine they're nearly as rude irl.

Op you're not in the best position but I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is do you want to keep the baby? I'm a firm believer in things sorting themselves out.

Worse case scenario your partner doesn't want the baby and walks, you're already raising your son and doing a good job of it and it sounds like you're able to support yourself financially.

You say your partner is good with your son and a good father to his dc so maybe it's just shock talking and once he knows you are pregnant he'll come around?

You need to tell him and both have a really good chat. Don't be forced into doing anything you don't want to do. Thanks

Darkstar4855 · 26/04/2019 14:20

I think you need to get it over with and tell him. It’s pointless worrying about him leaving you unless you know that’s likely to happen. If the relationship is a strong as you believe then you should be able to find a way to make it work.

If he gives you a hard time then remind him he had the choice to use condoms if he didn’t want another child.

kgeal3 · 26/04/2019 14:48

OP I had a daughter aged 5 when I met my now partner and we moved in together quite quickly.....within a few months.
10 years on we have a new house, a business, 2 more children together and a third on the way!!
Please don't let others tell you how to live your own life, you shouldn't have to justify your actions.

I'm unsure what to advise on your situation but I wish you all the best x

Masha31 · 26/04/2019 18:16

I can't believe people suggest other women should have an abortion....is it just me who find that a bit off.

QueenBeex · 26/04/2019 18:46

No judgement from me op. You've been a single mum before so you know what it's like, the question you need to ask yourself is do you want to go through it all again as a single parent? Even if he breaks up with you, you said he's a brilliant dad to his first child so surely he'll still be an active parent to your child too, he'll just be in the exact situation that he's in with his ex (having a child but not being together and living apart). It's not set in stone that he will actually leave you anyway. You have to do what's best for you, would you rather not risk him leaving and abort the baby? Would you rather tell him you're pregnant and have the discussion? Could you go through being a single parent again? Would it be too hard for you to co parent with him? I think by the sounds of how he is with his first child I think your child would still have both parents in their life just possibly not in the same house. I would personally go ahead with the pregnancy.

hellenbackagen · 26/04/2019 18:52

I hate the mean spirited replies these threads generate .

Op , tell him and then discuss together .

See if you agree or not . And then it's still your decision.

FlowerPowerBecky · 26/04/2019 19:03

I really do think op here is getting rather a rough time out of this, as she says we don't know the WHOLE story and come on... if we think about it surely we all have done things that probably weren't the best decisions at the time but life goes on!

I think the issue you have currently OP is that you don't know 100% how he will react, he might surprise you and be totally supportive! Or he might not, that's the risk to take.. from there you can make the decision.

I want to reply to the person shocked about people suggesting an abortion, and abortion isn't an awful thing, some people don't agree with it but in some cases it's the best possible outcome and shouldn't have a shroud of darkness put over it.

So should you think you can't be a single parent again then please don't feel you are turning into the devil for considering an abortion.

Then again on the other hand, if you feel you can do this alone again (though as I've said previously your partner might be supportive!) then go for it! You already do seem to be a great mum to your son.

We don't know the FULL story so I think it's a little harsh to say she isn't already a good mum, so I think have a word with your partner, then go from there when you have an answer from him 👍🏻

sh13 · 26/04/2019 19:10

@Masha31

I find it very odd too!!! Poor woman Flowers

EKGEMS · 26/04/2019 19:25

Good luck OP whatever your decision

Masha31 · 26/04/2019 19:27

Thanks for responding to my comment Flower Power Becky. I would never judge anyone for choosing to have an abortion but it's such a personal thing...Just as much as keeping a baby. I just don't think there's a place for other people to suggest it Smile

Wolfiefan · 26/04/2019 19:31

You’ve been together 10 months and a has a four month old baby by someone else?
Dump his cheating arse.
Raise both kids alone or terminate and focus on the child you already have.
This man isn’t someone you can trust or rely on.

Darkstar4855 · 26/04/2019 19:43

@Wolfiefan who said anything about cheating? The baby was conceived before he and the OP got together!

AnnieMay100 · 26/04/2019 19:57

Firstly make the right choice for you and your son. If you think youll manage as a single mum if the issue arises, then don’t talk yourself into an abortion you don’t want. If you think it will make you and your son suffer badly then consider it. When you’re happy with your decision let your partner know you’re pregnant and what you plan on doing. Don’t let him force you into an abortion you don’t want. If he doesn’t want to be involved that’s his loss. Lots of women every day are in a similar position, don’t do anything you think you may regret one day. If you’re happy together there’s no reason why it can’t work out well in the end, 10 months might not be long but plenty of couples work out on shorter time. Speak to him about how you feel, if he’s a decent man he’ll support you no matter what.

BattenburgIsland · 26/04/2019 20:05

that's a hard situation to be in Flowers
Theres no easy answer. It has to be you who comes up with the decision about this baby. Take time to get this straight in your head before you tell him. You need to know how you want to proceed before you have to deal with his reaction. Because it really does have to be your choice about whether to keep this baby and not coloured by whatever it is he does. You are the one carrying this child and for whom it will change your life the most right now. He may or may not support you in the long run... so I think before you tell him you really need to decide if this child is something YOU want regardless of him.
I agree with pp saying that if hes a decent man he will support you... hopefully that will be the case.
But if he doesnt you need to be sure in your own decisions here. So I suggest taking that time to figure out what your plans are before you tell him.

Starlight456 · 26/04/2019 20:16

I find this thread shocking . Simply the amount of people suggesting she have an abortion.

It is your body so you decide.

The response to a hypothetical situation and reality may be very different. You don’t know till you speak to him and then you can make your decisions from there.

kgeal3 · 30/04/2019 20:44

Any update OP? Hope you're well x

b0bb1n · 01/05/2019 02:31

IMO no matter what awkward and non-ideal circumstances we find ourselves in, once pregnant our number one priority becomes to protect, nurture and be a mother to the fragile life inside of us (and of course continue doing this for any already born children). Abortion doesn't solve anything and never will. You're with a man who may not always be yours, but your unborn child will be yours forever. You won't regret putting him or her first.

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