Fear of miscarriage - handhold, please?

[stitchwitch84]

Hi all,

After a miscarriage in Nov and a very early pregnancy loss in Feb, I am now 4 weeks pregnant again. Hurrah!

Except that I'm terrified! I'm worrying that at any minute AF will come along and it'll all be over again. I'm taking things day by day and afraid to get excited, and I'm afraid that every symptom is a sign of impending pregnancy loss.

Would anyone mind holding my hand through the next couple of weeks, please?!

Last time (both times) I had dreadful nausea from the get go, plus sensitivity to smell. This time round I'm not nauseous at all (yet) but I am completely exhausted - as in, falling asleep almost as soon as I sit down on a comfortable chair (or lean against DH) sort of exhausted. I know it's normal, but…is it normal?!

I've got funny feelings and sensations in my belly. I keep telling myself it's the whole ligaments stretching thing (Though why they need to stretch when the baby is a few cells big is rather puzzling to me!). But what if it isn't? Is it normal??

And I have an upset tummy. I get these at times of stress, so it isn't surprising, but…

Sorry, I'm an absolute wittering wreck atm. DH and I want this baby so badly, and I'm so frightened about losing another pregnancy…really I need to make like a pair of curtains and pull myself together!

TIA xx

I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm in a similar situation to you - I had a miscarriage in October and a chemical pregnancy in March. I'm now 5 weeks and I'm so scared I'm going to lose another one. I have basically no symptoms (only bigger boobs and being bloated) so I'm freaking out a bit!

@Beaglemum93 it's horrible, isn't it?! I am also bloated (but then, I am often bloated due to IBS) and apart from the tiredness and my late period, I wouldn't even have known, there's so little by way of symptoms. I only took a test on a complete whim! Confirmed with a CBD test this morning, definitely 4 weeks pregnant. Gah! Hoping & praying that baby sticks for both of us xx

Hello,
Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm sorry to hear about your losses.
I'm in a very similar position myself, about 4 weeks pregnant after 2 losses, and I've been going a bit loopy to be honest.
I don't know how useful it will be but this is what I've been doing so far-
Trying not to over-analyse every little feeling. If I get a sensation I'm not sure about I'm trying now not to freak out about it. I've been getting sensations in my belly too, that aren't painful, just more like a pulling? Hard to describe. I read somewhere that it could be due to dehydration, so when it happens I have a drink. It might not be much but it makes me feel like I'm doing something.
I also downloaded a free app on my phone which has a little guided breathing thing on it, to reduce my anxiety if I'm starting to really worry.
With my 2nd pregnancy I tried not to get excited and not to get 'attached' and it did not help at all when I lost it. It was still as painful as ever. So, I'm trying to get excited now, even though I'm really scared- because whatever happens will happen and I won't feel any differently if I don't enjoy today. Unfortunately, we just can't know if we're "safe" or not.
So I don't know how long I will have my baby for but it won't stop being my baby, at the end of every day I'm saying to myself "Today I had my baby with me and it's okay. So it was a good day.".
I really hope something I said was of some use but I'll understand if not, it's such a hard position to be in and I wish you all the best.

And I'm sorry for your losses too.

@stitchwitch84 @Beaglemum93

Hello both! I'd like to join for support too please, unfortunately I have a similar story to you both. I'm 4 weeks tomorrow so super early and very anxious!

@Bluebutterfly90 sorry, cross posted. Thanks for your advice, sorry you've been there too

Omg we can handhold in a big circle! I didn't realise there would be so many of us in this position and I'm really glad I started this thread! I'm so sorry for all your losses - let's hope that this time baby stays with all of us all of the way!

@Bluebutterfly90 you're so right about the excitement thing. I was super excited about #1, tried my hardest not to get excited about #2. Didn't make a blind bit of difference to how gutted I was when each pregnancy ended. I love your little end of day affirmation - I may well take that idea up 😊

Third time round I'm being less uptight than second time. I've told my four closest friends and, since I'm a Christian, we've got a little prayer/positive thoughts thing going on, which makes me feel very supported. Not everyone's cup of tea, of course!

I'm really floored by being so tired. I haven't slept this much in years!

One day at a time, I guess…

Hello I have a slightly different situation, im 4 weeks after 6 years of trying so I'm terribly nervous! I'm sorry for all of your losses, its so hard. I have several worries, first is that my line isn't very visable, not like the test line..a third of the colour. Then my back, its hurting/but clicking..It's a terrible back anyway. Then my final worry is cramps, very mild but still I can't cope. I just want to stay still or to be in a nice long sleep until my 12 week scan haha, if only. I can't concentrate on anything else!

Hello :-) just wanted to share my story :-) I had a mc last year (at 12 weeks) then I had another early loss at about 6/7 weeks. Obviously I was incredibly nervous when I fell pregnant the third time (and I still am) but I am now 31 weeks :-) I can feel my little boy wiggling about as I type this! Just wanted to share as I remember feeling completely hopeless after my second loss and like it might not happen for us. The way I got through it was by thinking every day of everything I had to be grateful for and for the fact that each day baby grows stronger.

Hope you all get your happy ending 💐

You will find a lot of support on this forum, it’s massively helped me! I’ve done so many different threads about different worries(some completely ridiculous!!) and every time I get support and advice from women going through or been through the same. They are angels ! Your never alone! Every woman worries in pregnancy, let alone if you have suffered a loss before hand. I had a missed miscarriage last year & now I’m just over 18 weeks pregnant. I’m terrified of scans now and even after 2 good scans and hearing a heartbeat couple weeks ago I am absolutely bricking it ahead of my 20 week which is next week.The anxiety is overwhelming some days but I’m just trying to stay calm & positive. My only advice really is don’t punish yourself for feeling the way you do & keep busy and do things you enjoy to pass the time & before you know it - your 12 week scan would of arrived! Sticky baby dust to all you ladies ❤️ Xxx

@wescreamforicecream what a lovely story ❤️ Xxx

Hi. I just want to say that I totally understand how you are feeling. The early weeks are so, so difficult, especially after a miscarriage. I had 2 miscarriages at the end of 2017 and then didn’t conceive for over a year. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant, so am no way ‘out of the woods’. Everyday can be a struggle, but the only way I’ve managed to get through is to keep busy. We can’t change the outcome, and as many people have told me, statistics are on our side. My midwife has been very positive and has said “treat every pregnancy as a new start, what has happened before doesn’t have to happen again”. I don’t know if that helps?! The EPAU have been very good. Maybe a reassurance scan with them could help soon? You’re doctor could refer you. Stay positive. Each day at a time, and I do say a little “thank you” at the end of every day. Xx

Hi- I'm 12 weeks pregnant after two miscarriages one last year and one early this year.

I totally get how you feel...I read something on here which somehow made me feel better... "different egg and different sperm"

It made me relax slightly!

Fingers crossed the next 8 weeks fly by for you! X

Fingers crossed for you...but you will be a nervous wreck I'm afraid. I had 3 mc before ds and lived from one scan to the next. I was constantly doing crosswords etc to take my mind off it...it got better around 16 weeks when I felt kicks if that helps at all?

I am similar, I had a missed miscarriage last May that I had to have a D&C for, then on Boxing Day I had an early loss, I am now just over 12 weeks pregnant but I have had a few scans through the epu and I was put on some medications to help support the pregnancy so I would suggest contacting your epu or your gp and see if there is anything you can do. I am still nervous but everything is looking as it should but we still haven't told family, I am terrified of telling people, but as it not my first baby it is becoming more obvious so I don't know how long I can hold out for. Congrats on all your pregnancies and hopefully it all goes well for you all but it's perfectly natural to feel scared.

I totally understand how you feel. I had 2 miscarriages last year and I’m now 16 weeks pregnant and the anxiety in they first few weeks was awful. I went for quite a lot of early scans as I was so paranoid things would go wrong & even now at 16 weeks I’m still worried something is wrong. Thankfully my early pregnancy unit scanned me every 2 weeks so I just focused on getting to the next scan and then when I got to 12 weeks I always had a new milestone to focus on so it was 16 weeks now it’s 20 weeks and after that I hope to be able to feel baby kicking so that will reassure me. Keeping everything crossed for you x

Hi 👋🏻

Can I join the handhold circle? Just found out I'm 4 weeks after mc end last year at 6 weeks.

Am a complete wreck and DH and I have decided not to get as over excited as we did before... but it's difficult!

Is anyone planning an early scan for reassurance? It was a scan after bleeding that showed PUL.

My hospital do walk ins and am considering going at 6 weeks just to reassure myself a little (although realise things can still go wrong after then)

Sorry for everyone's losses and fingers crossed this time we'll all get healthy babies!

I'm getting an early scan at 7+2 @AstroKate. Although even if everything seems ok then I won't be overly reassured because in my first pregnancy everything looked fine on the scan at 10 weeks...

AstroKate I had a scan to rule at ectopic at 5w+4, then 7w+4, then 9w+4. They were all
done through my local EPAU. I have to be honest they only reassured me for that day, and then I went straight back into thinking negative thoughts, but I have found it gave me a date to concentrate on and distract me a little. My next scan is at 12w which is in 2 weeks time, and if I get that far I’m going to have the Harmony test too. Again these are all dates to concentrate my thoughts on. If you think it will help I’d definitely opt for an early scan. X

Exhaustion is a very good sign. I suggest if this is stressing you out that you ring 111 and see if you can get a scan at an Early Pregnancy Unit from 5 weeks just to make sure everything’s in the right place. As you’ve had miscarriages before some might even let you have one more scan before the 8 week mark.

Thank you so much, everyone who has commented!

How is everyone doing today? I'm still exhausted, and as far as I know, still pregnant! Hope you are all ok x

Can I join? I'm 3+5 and had some blood when I wiped. Trying to convince myself it's implantation bleeding but worried. Had a MC at 8 weeks Feb/march so really scared that this is it

@tinatsarina hugs and handhold. I really hope it isn't MC or AF starting xx

Hope all is ok @tinatsarina. Hopefully it's just implantation bleeding

Keeping everything crossed for you @tinatsarina - it very well could just be implantation at this early stage.

I'm going to try my very hardest not to be constantly poas to check line darkness or anything crazy-but I think I will go to the walk in EPU and get a scan done in a couple of weeks assuming all is still ok as it would reassure me (even if only for a day or so!)

I really hope if everything progresses well, I can stop stressing at some stage and I won't be on a constant state of panic for the foreseeable few months!

Hope everyone is doing ok? Just came back from taking DDog out. He says 👋🏻 (yes, I am crazy dog lady!)