Unwanted induction of labor

[peacepaz]

I just gave birth four weeks ago. I wanted to have a midwife deliver my baby at home with my privacy and be very discreet. Unfortunately, my water broke and there was no progression of labor for 24 so I was induced in a hospital. It did not happen the way I anticipated and I didn't trust the doctor entirely because he was very cynical over my choice to go with a midwife and said once I signed the paperwork my choices stopped there medically. The pain of transition was so intense i was screaming and the staff did not want to check how far along I was. They told I had five to six more hours of that level of pain and I should strongly consider an epidural. I denied it and carried on screaming. Finally, I was checked and at completion. I never want to give birth again. Are these feelings normal? I look back on that day and instead of feeling joy run the events through my thoughts over and over.

That sounds awful, I'm so sorry you had such a difficult experience. If you're in the UK you can contact PALS to discuss your concerns and, if you want to, make a complaint about the way your birth was handled. I'm pretty certain that what the doctor said about signing the consent is wrong - you can consent, or withdraw consent for procedures at any point, it's just that there's a point in labour where certain things are no longer an option. It does sound like they didn't bother to take the time to make sure you were happy with the choices being made though.

It is totally normal to feel a bit shell-shocked by a birth that didn't go as expected. It can be traumatic and sometimes can even result in PTSD.

Was this in the UK? The way the doctor spoke to you sounds very unprofessional and you could consider making a complaint if you feel able to. It's totally wrong to talk about choices stopping, that sounds like it was put across to you very badly.

Please don't give yourself a hard time over how you feel. You don't have to consider whether or not you would ever want to give birth again right now, nor for a long while. You may find that as time passes your feelings change any way.

Neither of my births went any where near to plan. I look back on both births with relief and happiness that my children were born safely, but I think it's unusual for people to feel joy about the birth experience specifically. Labour and birth is hard work, and I think most women are just relieved to have got through it.

Why didn't you want an epidural? Not judging, I had my DC at home without one, just curious as to why you refused.

I think most people don't want to give birth again immediately afterwards. If you're still feeling so intensely upset then perhaps counselling may help you heal from the experience? Or a birth debrief?

I didn't want the epidural because I think it causes an increase in c-section rates and a lack of control at the time of pushing. I hate to complain in general but I feel like I was treated differently because my intent was to do naturally. Even after the pushing, I was told it could of been better, when I asked how I did.

That comment was from a female doctor as I was being stitched up. I feel like i was meant to have a personal experience and it became very harsh and cold. I understand they didn't want to check how dilated I was due to my water breaking...but to tell me I have five more hours to go and I can't handle pain very well obviously during an induced transition seems unfair. The midwife took the time to explain what was going on, but I felt like I was left in the dark during the birth about what was going on physically.

I'm sorry you had such a stressful experience. I think because doctors and midwives see women in pain day in and day out they become desensitised to it. It isn't ok that you were made to feel that way. I do think it's normal to replay your birth in your head for quite a while afterwards as, in my experience, people rarely get the birth they had planned for. I felt angry about parts of my labour for quite a while and still do occasionally when I think about it. I'm hoping my next labour is different.

Perhaps you could discuss how you feel with your GP at your 6 week check? I also think speaking to PALS is a good idea as they can feedback to the doctor concerned.

but to tell me I have five more hours to go and I can't handle pain very well obviously during an induced transition seems unfair

The alternative is that they lie to you? They have to manage your expectations hence they gave you the epidural option which you declined

You can get a birth debrief with an independent senior midwife, who will look through all of your notes with you and answer any questions or explain what happened and why. This really helped me to get over the bad experience I had. It didn't fully answer my questions and the one vital note by a doctor was totally illegible but it didn't help me to move on. It might help you to decide whether you want to complain further or not. But I think it's worth looking at when you feel ready to.
I felt in shock for a good few weeks after birth and felt like I'd made a terrible mistake. But the feeling did go and I'm not onto my second pregnancy.

I feel like I don't even want to return for a six week check. I feel completely fine. I don't need them telling me what I already know.

Telling a patient who is going through one of the most painful things a woman can go through that they 'cant handle pain' is so offensive and ignorant it's unreal. There's no condoning that.

I think because doctors and midwives see women in pain day in and day out they become desensitised to it I can see being desensitized, but it would've been nice to be reassured like this is completely normal near the end or this is a sign your baby is almost here. Instead, I was considering an escape from an assumed five more hours of intense pain.

One nurse was kind enough to try to have my husband massage my back. But, honestly at that point I didn't want to be touched at all. I asked him to please not touch me. I was trying to be as patient as possible and polite. But, a lot of the comments about not handling pain very well and that I could have been better at pushing downright hurt. I didn't push to my true capacity because I thought the tearing was the doctor cutting. He had already informed me he would cut me if necessary and didn't need consent.

I'm sorry your birth didn't go to plan, I hope at the end of it you have a strong and healthy baby, which is actually the most important outcome of a birth.

When you refused the epidural what other pain relief options were you offered?

I was offered something they put in the IV. I didn't honestly want to resort to it, but I did. Unfortunately, I think it wore off towards the transition because with the drug I actually relaxed enough to sleep through the pain a chunk of time.

Nobody should have told you that you could have done better at pushing/handling pain. That's outrageous and worth complaining about on its own. How could they possibly know?! And if they think a patient could have done more pushing, it is their failure not the patient's as they should have been encouraging and coaching them.

And of course the doctor needed consent before cutting you! Otherwise it's an assault, plain and simple. Was this in the UK? If so then you encountered an awful consultant who needs correcting urgently.

The 6 week check is for your baby mainly. They didn't ask me much or examine me at all. It might be different if you have stitches or a healing wound though. Also unlikely to be the same doctor. I would start the appointment by explaining that you experienced some poor care during the birth and that you are concerned about future appointments as a result.

Congratulations on your birth. I am sorry that you did not have the birth you hoped for and that you were not afforded the dignity and respect you deserve in childbirth. A birth does not have to be unmedicated to be a positive birth experience. It just needs to be from an informed place of positivity and not one of fear. Not my words but I like them.

You do not sign away all future decisions when you agree to one stage of medical birth induction. When you were in pain and had expressed a desire to avoid an epidural, you should have been offered encouragement and alternative methods of pain relief. An experienced midwife can detect other signs that a woman is reaching full dilation and transition.

The doctor had no right to say he would cut you without consent. The staff should not have told you that you could have done better and instead of telling you that you were not coping with the pain, positive affirmation is a better way of dealing with this situation as well as asking you to tell you if you need any assistance. It is completely acceptable to make noise during labour.

You should absolutely take the opportunity of going through your birth with a qualified practitioner who can give an objective view.

Mothers should be at the forefront of all considerations during labour, dismissing poor birth experiences as long as there is a healthy baby at the end of it is dehumanising. Pushing the needs of mothers aside and not listening to them has detrimental outcomes on labour. If you feel the need to have a different outcome the next time, there are many many things you can read to take control next time.

I will reiterate, a positive birth does not need to be unmedicated but being an active participant in the decision making process can make a huge difference.

For full disclosure. .. I am a Doula and I see what a difference it can make when a mother is fully involved in the decision making process and not threatened or pushed into decisions, even if it means not having the birth that she had hoped for. Even talking it through afterwards helps enormously.

Thank you for the explanation . The appointment is with an ob/gyn because I was stitched up. We've been to the pediatrician appointments. No, this didn't occur in the UK. It happened in the U.S. which really I would've expected more for a birth worth 13 grand. I guess that's what we get with health insurance.

• @JaneEyreAgain* Thank you so much! I really appreciate your explanation. I felt the same thing. That some positivity at my lowest point would've made the experience seem repeatable. I was already very stressed due to a lack of my baby moving and realizing I was being induced against the plan. I wasn't allowed to try any other position for labor than on my back. Then, to make matters worse, I hesitated with pushing by saying are you cutting me? I felt like i had no control over my own body. I tried to explain to the doctor I wasn't against the medical field of intervention was necessary and the risk of infection was present. If they would've asked me in the hospital if I wanted a tubal ligation, I would've said yes in a heartbeat to avoid such an indignation to be repeated.

@JaneEyreAgain Part of me wants to reclaim birth in a self affirming way. I want to re-own what should be empowering, not demeaning. But, the other half of me never wants to relive such a moment again as much as I love my daughter.

They can't prevent you from getting up and moving, they might not like it and might be unhappy but it's tough luck if you prefer to be upright. I had an induction, my waters had gone and my baby was back to back. I could not bear to be lying down, I had to stand and pace or lean over the bed.

Hiring a doula can be helpful as they can advocate for you if you are distracted by pain etc. I hired a doula for my first birth as I was worried about health care professionals not listening to me.

peacepaz regardless of whether the consultant/MW were right or not, your experience seems to have been really really hard.

I wouod really encourage you to go and see your GP and explain what you’ve told us in this thread. How bad you are feeling that you are struggling to even face the 6 weeks check. And ask to be referred for counselling. There are some really good counsellors who are specialised in problems happening at birth.
I think you need to talk about it with someone who can support you and can give you the right type of advice.

@AssassinatedBeauty They specifically told me when I signed off they didn't allow any of the "alternatives" or "options" like walking around with an induction. I did get up to use the restroom, but they had to reattach the monitoring devices.

@MadAboutWands I think you're right avoidance probably isn't the right way of dealing with my emotions concerning the birth.

I'm not an expert in the US model of childbirth but my understanding is that it is very medicalised and patriarchal. They do what is easiest for the doctors rather than what women want.

I had a drip and monitors, the midwife was totally ok with me wandering around the room. I had long leads for the monitor and the drip followed me.