Riddled with guilt about bringing a second baby in to the world with a 2 year old

[Loudloopy]

So, currently sat crying about the guilt I feel about bringing a second baby in to the world with my two year old, he's so used to being such a pampered two year old, it breaks my heart and the thought of him feeling left out, as I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy (33 weeks pregnant) still working, energy levels dipping I'm now finding it hard to run around after him, I'm only 5ft 1 as it is, I just don't want him to feel left out, sad or insecure, he's my everything and of course I'm asking my self how will I love another child, I even feel guilt ridden as soon as I start doing anything to prepare for the new baby, I feel guilty about trying to avoid anything to strenuous as I just physically can't, worries about how it will impact his life once babies here and the closeness we have, baisicly is anyone in the same boat ? Or offer advise or just a little reassurance

Thanks in advance

I had severe sod in my second pregnancy. Really struggled getting out and about with my 2 yo but I figured he wouldn’t remember and we did lots of fun things like baking and playing things I could do. Dh took him to the zoo etc at weekends.

He loves his sister so much and to watch how they interact with each other is a delight. I have no regrets about having a second child. It’s enriched our lives more than we thought it would. It’s tough sometimes but then I hear my son singing to her or squeals of delight and laughter from them both and know it was worth it.

Ditch the guilt, they won’t remember this time. Third trimester isn’t easy especially with a2 yo in tow!

I felt exactly like this but she has absolutely loved him from day one! We brought him home and she shouted 'baby! Baby!' (She was 20 months) and since then she's doted on him, we can't go anywhere without her saying 'baby ds needs to come too mummy' she fetches him toys and asks him if he's ok and if he cries rushes up to hug him.

I honestly was so convinced I was ruining her life but it's been totally the opposite.

I feel very similar OP. 36 weeks with number 2 and very worried that my super sensitive 2 year old is going to really struggle to adjust and that he will feel pushed out.

Also conscious of being a rubbish mum at the moment as I can't sit on the floor to play very easily due to SPD. DS keeps trying to kiss my poorly back better so I will come and play which breaks my heart!

I'm holding on to the fact that millions of people have more than 1 child (my parents included) and that having a sibling is often a really positive thing for a child. I really hope DS will ultimately find having a brother enhances his life and it will be worth the period of adjustment.

I'm going to try and love bomb DS1 as much as I possibly can once DS2 arrives and hope that's enough!

We all feel like this OP! And you even do it all again when you have a third, that 'what have I done?!' At the end of pregnancy. You are aware of your older child potentially feeling pushed out so you'll manage it. But if you'd said that to me a few weeks before my due date with dc2 it wouldn't have mattered a jot, I still would have worried about it

I have 3 with a small similar age gap between 2 of mine. The toddler and me were so close and had such a strong bond that I was worried he'd be incredibly jealous when the baby came along.

I can honestly say I am so proud of him, he took to his baby sibling straight away, wanting to cuddle and give kisses. He was in a good routine too which wasn't disturbed either. Please believe me when I say you will make it work.

One thing I do is make sure I get one on one time with the toddler every so often. Even if just a few hours to soft play. Ask someone to watch the baby for you

I remember feeling like I was planning to be unfaithful to my first child by having my second!
But really it’s fine.

Watching the sibling bond is so amazing. That love is not something you can provide. It is irreplaceable and there for their whole life.

Make sure your first feels reassured and confident of your continuing love. YY love bomb. Understand his reactions. Sympathise with the frustration of having to wait. Remind him of his new title- big brother.

As for your love for the new baby. You absolutely can and will. If you are like me, it can take a few months. But trust that if you just keep going through the motions the love will grow.

It will all be ok, and you will look back and be hardly able to imagine a time without this amazing character in your life.

Without wishing to be mean... I can promise you that in 6 months' time you will probably find your worries hilarious this is classic PFB+hormones.

It will all slot into place. Honestly. Just trust that it will work out and wait until the baby is born.

You're giving them a baby brother or sister which is an amazing gift! Don't feel guilty, feel proud of yourself for giving them a gift of a best friend for life!

I feel like this too! I'm only 14 weeks but I've been feeling so crap and exhausted then I feel guilty that I just want to sit on the sofa when I'm off work. There will be a 20 month age gap. I'm sure it will all work out but the guilt is a bit overwhelming.

Honestly it's fine. You don't have a set amount of love to give that you suddenly have to split in two, the amount of love you have just grows to accommodate the extra person.

Two is a great age as well, they understand enough to get excited about it. My two year old is very protective of 'the baby' and loves to tell everyone new we meet that 'this my sister'.

Oh, OP. I thought exactly the same when pg with DC2 (who was born when DC1 had just turned 2). I remember saying to my mum that I couldn't possibly love another baby as much as I loved DC1. He and I had spent every single minute together, and he was my entire universe. She assured me I would have enough love for both of them. She was right. They are so, so different, but I did find enough love for them both. Impossible as it seemed! You will, too. Honestly.

My second was born when my first was 22 months. It was fine. Hard work at times. I love my boys equally. You don't just give all your love to the first one. My boys are the best of friends. They argue I tell them to stop they're best friends again and cross with me for telling their brother off! It Will be ok!

Oh OP I feel for you

I'm pregnant (early) and DS 1 will be 25 months when this one is born

My theory is that the majority of us wouldnt be without our own siblings, and if we're the oldest one, we're certainly dont remember those early years when younger sibling came along. So, I believe it'll be fine, as you sound like you'll handle it with a lot of love!

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I remember feeling just the same when I was about to have DC2. DC1 was only 16 months & I was wracked with guilt about him missing out on his babyhood because I was having another one & he wouldn't be getting my undivided attention any more. But it was fine, they developed a very close bond really quickly & are still best friends as young adults. Oh, and you will love both of them, there's no doubt about that.

It’s weird because a year or so ago I could have written this exact post but I feel completely ridiculous looking back. I used to lie on the floor at bedtime holding their hand and sob my heart out I felt so guilty. It got worse and worse as I got closer to my due date too. Hormones are so much easier to see in hindsight! My babies are the best of friends. I know there will be fighting, but for now seeing their relationship develop has been one of the best things I have ever experienced. Honestly. I spent the whole night I had DC2 wracked with guilt and just wanting to get back home to my toddler. It was fine. Better than that actually- it was absolutely amazing. They genuinely adore each other and always have done. Best of pals. Miss each other when they’re apart. You will look back on this post and laugh your socks off. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Please, please don’t worry. It will honestly all be fine. Xx

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and have a 14mo dd. I'm constantly worrying about how I'm going to cope with too so young and how she's going to cope with not being the centre of the universe anymore.
Watching this thread with interest.

Please relax. This is only your hormones talking. Everything is going to be just fine!

*two

I felt like this, I may even have started a thread about this. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was utterly shattered and finding it hard to have much fun with him and was convinced I was going to ruin his life. The final evening before my mat leave started he was acting up so much when I went to collect him from nursery and I was so shattered that when he bashed me in the face with a toy and split my lip I cried and one of the nursery workers had to carry him out to the car for me kicking and screaming. The next morning I had the baby and within a couple of days they were inseparable. His behaviour and my patience were back to normal and it’s lovely to see them together. She’s only 5 months and I know it might change when she’s walking and into his stuff but he sings songs to her, gives her toys and cuddles her when she cries (which is actually quite handy!).

This is normal! I felt so guilty. To both of them - DD1 as I was about to turn her world upside down. And growing baby DD2 as I didn’t have time to even think about being pregnant - let alone obsess about how many weeks I was and what was happening like I had with no 1.

I remember my mum saying something to me out the blue ‘don’t worry, you will love the second just as much as the first’. I thought I was covering up my feelings pretty well (but obviously not!). My labour preparations for no 2 were mostly worrying about how no 1 would be cared for. I felt like this until I went into labour with no2. Suddenly the only thing that mattered was getting no2 out safely. It was the first time I had ever given her my undivided thoughts.

Now although they do fight when tired or hungry, most of the time they’re little partners in crime and play together beautifully. It’s wonderful to see.

I have three, all less than two years apart. Yes they sometimes argue but they love each other. A sibling relationship is one of the best things you can offer a child. It shouldn’t just be a narrow world about you and the child. There are so many different types of relationships to be had in life.

He’s only 2 and he will adjust.

Mine are 26 months apart. Two very different dcs but very close and couldn’t live without each other.

I get your concerns, my number 2 son came along just under 2 years after the first.

They are 4 and nearly 6 now and neither can imagine being without the other, they are two peas in a pod.

Please try not to worry! Your eldest will adjust just fine.

No help for you but just to say I feel the same way currently with mine next one due October and still stressing now. The responses have helped me somewhat too.