Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My boyfriend is so moody and emotionally draining

26 replies

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:26

My bf is really mood over like small things even all the time.. its really annoying .. my emotional energy is always spent on him/making him feel better, comforting him and babying him and I’m so tired of it...

For example, today he was gonna go to the bank that’s like an hour away (we moved and he still hasn’t switched banks in the 5/6 months we’ve been here) but then he realized it’s sunday and they’re closed and he got all aggressive and through something on the table angrily. He’s so moody like I can’t stand it.

Through my whole pregnancy; I have been trying to comfort him and make him feel bad and god forbid I have a bad day, I have no one to comfort me because his day was worse

He keeps talking about how he really hopes I don’t go into labor during the night or at a time he’s sleeping or tired so he doesn’t have to drive and all this and I’m like yeah I hope I don’t either because I have to either push a baby out of me or get major surgery. Like I imagine when I go into labor I’ll be comforting him for how tired he is..

I have really bad leg pain the past 2+ weeks and it’s gotten so bad thar I limp/struggle to walk. Someone yelled at me yesterday to walk fast when I was crossing the street :( I’m 38 weeks now due March 30 and be hasn’t helped with anything, still expects me to do everything like housework, picking food up, blah blah,
I have so much laundry and cleaning to do still and he also like leaves trash around that I have to go around and pick up, water bottles on the floor I have to pick up when I can’t bend over.. I didn’t pick up his trash for a few days to see if he would, but there was a half drunken smoothie on the table
For like four days etc. he drops stuff like socks on the floor in the living room and doesnt pick it up.. when I can’t bend over! It’s like he has no undersranding or care for me. I’m so tired of doing everything. I don’t want a c section because I’m so scare he won’t take care of me and expect me to still do everything.

His moodiness and anger makes me never wanna be around him becaus I don’t xonsrnstly feel like emotionally
Making him feel better when I’m about to go into labor and of forbjd a week be about me for once?

OP posts:

SenoritaViva · 17/03/2019 17:30

I’m sorry to sound harsh but why are you with this man child? He sounds awful.

blackcat86 · 17/03/2019 17:31

What's your support network like OP? You need help pronto or certainly when the baby comes. He is acting like a child. Do you even want to be in this relationship?

Bambamber · 17/03/2019 17:32

Have you got any friends or family you can go and stay with? It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. His anger will only get worse when baby is here and he is sleep deprived

LovingLola · 17/03/2019 17:32

Why are you with him?
What is your financial and housing situation?
Please at the very least ensure that you do not have any more children with him.

Craftycorvid · 17/03/2019 17:33

You will have two children on your hands here, OP. Do you get anything at all from this relationship? If not, I’d seriously consider if you want to bring up your baby in such an atmosphere.

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:34

My mom said she was taking some time off work to be able to help if needed but she’s usually only free like once a week if at that.. :( I have no one else to be honest.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:35

I don’t. I would go Stay with my mom a while ago if I could but her house isn’t any better her husband chain smokes inside and she has a lot of cats it’s not clean, sadly. I have no other family like I’m not in touch with them and they all live far away.

OP posts:

Stormyday · 17/03/2019 17:37

Can you speak to him about your concerns and tell him what you need from him when the baby is born. I don’t think he will change from what you say as he sounds very selfish but tell him straight then if he doesn’t shape up you have a decision to make.

CountessVonBoobs · 17/03/2019 17:37

I know this isn't what you want to hear but you are going to have to leave him. He's a selfish, self absorbed manchild who isn't fit to be a father and you'd be better off without him, not having to cater to his ridiculous moods and pick up his crap.

Can you go home to your mother/DPs until the baby is born?

NabooThatsWho · 17/03/2019 17:40

I want to give you a hug OP. You deserve someone that cares about you and is kind. Not a selfish, childish brat. Things won’t get any better when the baby is born, he will probably hate your attention going on the baby rather than him.

You need to make plans to split.

AlunWynsKnee · 17/03/2019 17:42

It’s like he has no undersranding or care for me
You've nailed it there. Sadly it sounds like you're useful to look after him but he comes first and always will.

dobbysmum · 17/03/2019 17:44

I agree with everyone else, you need to get rid before baby comes.
Hes going to of no support or help, if he can't take care of you when you're 38 weeks pregnant, what use will he be when you have a baby to look after?
You should be his priority right now, and hes being selfish and unfair.
If you live to together and its your home, kick him out.
Or if you can, move in with a family member.

Out if interest, have you spoken to him about his appalling behaviour?

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:45

I don’t know, I’m really confused and kinda sad becaus I feel like I’ve made a big mistake...
Sometimes I miss my ex who’s out travellin and falling in love and lounging on the beach while I’m inside picking up after my boyfriend everyday who’s emotionally draining . :( I’m pretty sad..

He pays for everything.. our rent and most other things. I get food stamps for myself & try to help out in any ways I can. But he pays for our house & electric whatver bills. I wouldn’t be able to support myself otherwise while taking care of a newborn and would have nowhere to live.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:46

He pays for our house! I have nowhere else to go! I woulda went and lived with my mom but her house isn’t clean

I can’t support myself with a newborn no money and no place that’s mine

OP posts:

AlunWynsKnee · 17/03/2019 17:47

Can you go to your mother's? I assume you aren't in the UK talking about food stamps. Is that right?

Stormyday · 17/03/2019 17:47

What does he say when you ask him to pick his stuff up?

burritofan · 17/03/2019 17:48

It's not going to get any better. I understand you can't leave at 38 weeks with no money, no savings (?), etc, but you need to start making a plan unless you want to be taking care of this manchild AND a baby.

Is there a friend's house you can go to?

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:51

I keep reminding him that if I get a c section I won’t be able to do a lot for a month and I’ll need a lot of help. Like I remind him that weekly becaus I’m so scared he won’t take care of me. I limp around everywhere grocery shopping, picking food up, blah blah and people stare at me it’s so embarrassing.:

My pregnancy has never felt like it’s been about me. Ever. Even his family don’t speak to me and act like he’s the one pregnancy carrying the baby..

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:58

Literally one time, after we went out to eat and I didn’t feel well, he suggested to put the tv on and I asked him to get me the remove and he flipped out and said “No what the fuck? I do everything for you! I’m not doing every single thing for you!”

Earlier that night I asked him to pick my jacket up from under the table when we were eating because it’s hard to bend over and embarrassing in public. I asked him to bring in water bottles because I can’t carry a 24 pack and I buy like four 6 packs and slowly walk across the icy driveway to bring them inside and we had none left so while we weee out I asked him to get some. Then I asked him to put gas in my car bc I had to orde a new card and had no Money in my account and we used my car to go out. That’s like the most I’ve asked of him the entire time I’ve been pregnant.

I did work up until two months ago ...

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 17:59

Yeah I gues. Ans no, there’s not.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknow777 · 17/03/2019 18:02

That’s the thing is that he always comes first, I feel like I’m dating a spoiled rich girl..
it’s really weird for me...
all of his needs are always put befor me. Like i said when I go into labor I imagine myself
Comforting him.. I don’t even completely rely on him to drive me... I have thought about asking my mom to stay with us until I go into labor so she can help me out with stuff but I don’t think he would want that . :(

OP posts:

LovingLola · 17/03/2019 18:17

Nothing has changed since your previous posts
Focus on having a healthy baby first
What country do you live in ?
Is there a welfare system in place that you would be able to access to allow you to leave him ?

burritofan · 17/03/2019 18:29

OK, firstly, who cares what he wants re. your mom coming to stay? He doesn't care what you want at all, and you're the one who's having this baby.

Second: let go of the idea that this man is your boyfriend or partner or that he's going to miraculously improve. He isn't. None of this is going to change. (Nb. Have you posted about this situation and him before? It sounds familiar.) he's just the guy you're living with.

You need an escape plan. Talk to your mom. I understand not wanting to bring a newborn into a house with a chain-smoker: not ideal! (Cats shouldn't be a problem unless your baby turns out to have an allergy. But cross that bridge later.) But your mom's house sounds like the best temporary solution.

Is there a room at your mother's where you and the baby can stay, her husband doesn't go in there to smoke, you keep it as smoke-free as possible, close the doors to the cats, give it a good clean? And your mom comes over soon to help you pack your things – anything you need for the baby, your clothes, toiletries and vital documents – and gets you the hell out. Your mom is now your birth partner too, so no need to worry about this man's emotional needs or his laziness in not wanting to drive you to the hospital if he's sleeping.

Then you contact every agency you can who can help; get your food stamps transferred to your new address; see if there are churches or charities who can offer assistance, community programmes, etc. (I'm assuming you're in the US? So I don't know about social services or maternity grants or benefits, I'm presuming there aren't any.)

If you can breastfeed, your baby will be fed for free for six months, you'll just need clothes and nappies. Try Freecycle, charities. Instead of wipes, my sister recommends cut-up old towels, dampened – more efficient for wiping up poo and reusable, ie free.

Obviously the next steps are work, childcare, long-term living situation, but cross those bridges later: the priority now is to leave this awful man and get yourself set up for the first few weeks with your baby. Even your mom's smoky house will be a better environment. Take it one step at a time.

Things will improve. But not with this guy.

CountessVonBoobs · 17/03/2019 18:45

What would you do if he left you?

Because honestly, you need to do that. You can't live this way and nor can your baby. A household of secondhand smoke is not great but a on a temporary basis a supportive home would be better than this.

dobbysmum · 17/03/2019 19:21

Its not about what he wants, its about what you need.
Seriously, look at how unhappy he is making you, I would go and stay with your mum, it might be a messy house but atleast you'll be with someone supportive who will help you. Not some spoilt brat who doesn't care about you or the baby.
Anything is better than living this way.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread