Hi, this is my first post here and I feel a bit silly but I do hope someone can help me..
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (clearblue says 3+ weeks but I’m not actually sure how many weeks I could be because I haven’t had a period in over a year). It’s come as a huge shock and I have so much backstory/complicated circumstances my head is spinning 
. I have no idea where to start with any of this and this will probably be a huge ramble but here goes..
I’m 26, in a relationship and I have a reasonable job with solid pay and benefits. My boyfriend and I have not been plain sailing. We were together for about 5 months, split for 4 (both pretty heartbroken), got back together 3 months ago, but even then it was rough for the first month (so much fighting..). He has a lot of past trauma physically and emotionally from his childhood and previous relationship so we have to work really hard at the little “normal” things people take for granted. He’s been doing incredibly well recently, recognised a need for professional help and he’s been much much happier (as have I!). The last month or so has been as pretty near to perfect as it gets for us.
He’s not the only one with difficulties. I have a life-long and fairly serious mental illness. I’ve been in and out of mental health services for 15 years. Finally got a correct diagnosis 4 years ago but to this day I’m in therapy to keep it manageable (I will say that I am doing very well at it currently, most people with my illness can’t work at all, and I work full time at a high pressure legal job), but I still struggle with a separate eating disorder (periods of heavy restriction & laxative abuse between short periods of regular eating when my boyfriend keeps me on track).
So between us, we have some significant mental health difficulties. Not only that, my boyfriend still lives at home with his parents (saving for a deposit), and earns minimum wage. I earn much more than than him, so down the line I would have to return to work full time (though god knows what we’d do about childcare). That’s even if he hung around when I eventually have to tell him..
And on top of that, I’ve recently been evicted and had to scramble to find a place I could afford to live and literally signed a 6 month lease a week ago (for a place that is fine for a single adult to live, but absolutely not with a baby).
Everything just feels all wrong timing wise. I’m terrified of telling my boyfriend because although he/we is/are doing well, it’s only very recent and fragile and a revelation of this magnitude could easily completely derail him and I can absolutely see myself having to face this alone.
To add even more to the pot; I was told a few years ago that i’d struggle to conceive naturally after damage was done to my uterus by a severe infection, so conceiving was always a worry for me and now it’s happened I’m completely terrified.
I can’t talk to my mum about this because she adores kids (I’m one of many many siblings) and absolutely can’t wait to be a grandma. I know she’ll react with excitement and it will crush her if I decide not to continue with this pregnancy. She had a termination nearly 40 years ago and she still gets upset about it.
.. on the subject, I also accompanied my friend to a termination when she was 11weeks pregnant and it was one of the most emotionally scarring things I’ve ever witnessed (I can’t imagine what it was like for her, my heart aches thinking about it).
This is so long and I’m so so sorry, I just needed to worry/word-vomit it all somewhere. As you can see, I’ve got a lot going on and I simply can’t make sense of it. My initial gut reaction is “this is all way too much at the wrong time, I can’t possibly continue this pregnancy” but there’s a little voice in my head reminding me that doctors told me there was such a small chance of this happening and how could I possibly throw that away 