Sex of the baby!

[tinytinker93]

Has anyone ever been really upset with the sex of there baby? I know it sounds selfish but I have 2 boys and I'm pregnant with baby number 3 and I'm desperate for it to be a girl so my partner can finally have a daughter! My gender scan isn't until 23rd April and I'm honestly worried it's another boy! I think I'm going to be truly gutted if it's a boy and I know that sounds selfish but I was wondering if anyone has ever been in this situation?

I got the sex I wanted. I would've been disappointed if they'd said girl, but solely because I'd convinced myself the little being was a boy when talking to him. I was right.

My sister was distraught for about a week she was having a boy, but she obviously got over it.

There will be a million posters along shortly to tell you you're being unreasonable and to just hope for a healthy baby/uneventful pregnancy but it's not uncommon.

We wanted a boy second, I wasn't that bothered but my husband very much was. It's a bit of a taboo but happens more than anyone will admit.

OP do you not know? Mumsnet is not the place to be worried or upset about the sex of a baby.

Personally having 2 girls I know DH REALLY wanted a boy. I would have quite liked one too but overall I didn't really mind. When we were told it was another girl we were both pleased but I did feel a slight sense of disappointment for me but mainly for DH. Incidentally he says he wants a fourth but I'm very done and I suspect he is too if he was honest, he just wants a boy but it's never guaranteed.

I think that it's OK to be disappointed but try not to get hung up on it or over invested. Try to think about what you are getting and not what you're not.

Jesus wept. You're having a healthy baby. How the fuck can you be disappointed in a baby about something it has NO control over? Sperm and the egg don't think 'ah, we'll make this one a boy to piss the parents off'

It's a 50/50 chance. You don't get to pick and choose. And seriously ask yourself: what would a daughter bring to your life that another son wouldn't??

These threads make me sick. And WHY is it always disappointment over a boy?!

I always wanted a girl but I don't think I would of been 'truly gutted' if I never had one, after watching my SIL go through infertility and miscarriage I was just happy to get pregnant naturally and deliver a healthy baby! Currently having #2 and DH would definitely prefer another girl, but if its a boy he will get used to the idea 🤓

I went to a gender scan with a friend once and I was in shock how pathetic she acted when they said it was a boy (1st baby) , she had a right strop on and didn't even wait till she was out of the appointment to express how severely disappointed she was. She even rang the dad and said 'you couldn't even do that fucking right' in front of the woman doing the scan 😬😬😬

@tinytinker93 Start manifesting that it’s a girl then. Start now and go BIG... moodboards, visualisation etc. If you keep worrying it’s a boy then you’re attracting a boy into your life.

I expect many posters will think I’m chatting shite but i’ve manifested everything to do with my pregnancy (and life in general), even down to my due date, and i’ve got everything that I asked for.

Do you know what I wanted? A second baby. But instead I had 7 miscarriages.
Think yourself lucky.

I understand & its natural...u do not and will not love your baby any less...I have 3 boys & love each as much as the other...I hoped for girls as i had a very horrible relationship with my mother.And i feel never having that mother daughter bond effected my self esteem & mental health & that is why i wished for a daughter...to do all the things for her...i never had for myself.Of course i give my boys every ounce of that love and time...i do football karate swimming movie nights & sometimes a facepack if they let me...But there was an eliment of letting go of the image of my "daughter" each time i found out they were boys...only for a short while...But its natural...Im on number 4 now & like @Wedgiecar58 said...Ive been manifesting these positive thoughts..."Your thoughts become things" ❤

Do you know what gender disappointment is a thing. So stop trying to make the op feel bad! I hope you get what you want op ❤️

@Wedgiecar58 thats called good luck 😂

@HJWT well, that’s not likely baring in mind the things you manifest are meant to be really really specific. But if you don’t believe it then fine, maybe I am just an incredibly lucky person

Hun I know how you feel. Last year I had an early gender scan and they said boy. I now hate to admit that I felt a tiny bit sad as I always grew up with girls and knew what I was doing. My baby boy was born on the 7th of last month and I love him more than life, I'm so pleased he's a healthy little boy! The moment your baby is born you really won't care about the sex, I promise you!
Congratulations on your baby boy 💙

Sorry, just read you haven't yet found out sex. Congratulations either way! 💙💗

These threads make me sick. And WHY is it always disappointment over a boy?!

———————
Do you know what I wanted? A second baby. But instead I had 7 miscarriages.
Think yourself lucky.

That is awful & I feel for you. However, that comment is not needed on this thread, you don’t need to compare your personal losses to what the OP is going through. What does that achieve? Do you think the OP wants to feel like this?

‘Gender’ disappointment is a real feeling, a lot of women go through this but don’t talk about it because of the typical comments like the ones from you both. Just because you haven’t heard of it or understand it doesn’t mean its not real.

Please do your research on this before commenting on such sensitive topics. I seen an interesting article the other day in which gender disappointment is linked to post natal depression - would you speak like that to somebody suffering with that?

I understand your frustrations but you need to understand what it is first rather than jumping the gun and writing comments like these..

OP - as I say it’s a normal feeling. Dont best yourself up over it, I felt it myself (admittedly a short period of time) and know a few ladies who were really affected by it. There’s a lot of good advice on this thread, hope you’re okay & good luck

I'm pregnant with a girl after 5+ years of fertility treatments. We are in the process of thinking about terminating due to medical reasons. I'd rather just have a healthy living baby tbh, no matter what is between the legs. I don't know if we'll ever become parents. You should feel o lucky to have children, it's such a pity that you don't realise that.

That is awful & I feel for you. However, that comment is not needed on this thread, you don’t need to compare your personal losses to what the OP is going through. What does that achieve? Do you think the OP wants to feel like this?

How dare you be so mean to someone who has been through actual losses. Not having a preferred gender isn't a loss. You know what it achieves? Hopefully someone reading that and stop feeling sorry for having such a blessing. That comment is absolutely needed on this thread.

Anya I'm extremely fortunate that I got pregnant both times very quickly with my son and unborn baby (I have had one chemical pregnancy) and I NEVER cared about the sex of my children.

Also, I had PND with my son. Not because he was a boy, but because I had an overwhelming quick birth and he needed a few days in SCBU. I know PND is no joke but people feeling depressed that they didn't get the sex they want? Bloody hell, maybe these people should consider if they want a child at all if it means to much to them, since there's a 50/50 chance they may not get it.

grinning Cheshire cat

Well said. I've never experienced the pain of infertility or multiple losses but even I get that people should appreciate a healthy baby. Some people seriously need to get their priorities straight.

@grinningcheshirecat

I was sincere in saying I feel for her due to the losses. Don’t tell me I’m being mean. I’m saying her comment isn’t needed on this particular thread, its comparing 2 very different issues which isn’t fair. The OP has said in her posting she feels “selfish” and I’m saying that “gender” disappointment is a genuine thing people deal with.

If you don’t understand it, why comment? That’s my issue? You can’t help somebody by saying “well I’m just happy my baby is healthy” and then assume they will get over it. They won’t. You are kicking somebody already feeling down who is on a pregnancy site asking if anybody else has felt similar on gender dissapointment. As awful as miscarriages are (and you do not know my history either may I add or other people on here defending the OP) I just don’t believe in comparing completely separate issues on the OPs thread.

Chocolateheaven

Again, look up gender dissapointment and how it effects people very differently. It’s such a taboo subject if anyone dares says they are struggling with the sex of their baby they are completely jumped on. I just don’t think it’s helpful at all. Do you think the OP feels much better reading these? I’d be surprised if she comes back.

I’m sorry you suffered PND (genuine too incase anyone wants to challenge that)

Grinning - I’ve just noticed your comment above the one I’ve acknowledged.

I’m sorry you are going through this, I get why you are saying you’d be happy with a healthy baby but it’s just not as easy for someone else to think that. The OP is struggling with a very real issue.

It’s not always disappointment over boys. I was upset after my third girl. I really wanted a boy.
They are just feelings they will pass. Once you hold your baby you won’t care.

OP is posting on a public forum, one predominately aimed at parents and people trying to become parents. People are entitled to their opinions, and it's something I feel very strongly about. She can't just expect replies of: ah totally understandable Hun, your life definitely won't be fulfilled without your ickle wickle princess, Boys are smelly and girls are sooo much better.

Seriously, there are people on here and IRL who are desperately trying to have a child, people who have had several losses or traumatic pregnancies, or poorly babies. People need to appreciate the child for what it is, not what is between the baby's legs and again, something it NO control over. That poor baby doesn't deserve for its parents to be praying for it be a girl, it doesn't get any say on the matter.

Gender disappointment might be a 'thing' but that doesn't make it okay. And tell me: what about the baby being a boy or girl in particular possibly add to one's life to make it better?

Maybe I don't get it. But I don't want to. The idea of being disappointed in the baby's sex sickens me. Thankfully my son was 'okay' in the scheme of things compared to the other babies in SCBU but I saw the reality of babies being early or unwell, and it just doesn't matter whether a child is a girl or boy, only that the baby is okay.

It's things for the OP to consider.

Chocolate

It’s something I feel strongly about too however we are clearly just going to disagree. I’m pretty sure gender dissapointment will be more researched and talked about in years to come, people will begin to understand that it isn’t a choice to feel like this, the OP will be very aware this isn’t the ‘norm’ but it still doesn’t stop you feeling it. It’s just like somebody suffering with depression, you don’t ask them to “cheer up” or “stop thinking about it and you’ll feel better” etc

However, I will respect your opinion & I’m glad you’ve said “you might not get it and that you don’t want to” that’s fine.

In response to your question of what difference having a girl to boy would achieve. People who suffer with this tend to build an image of the baby up in their mind I.e a little boy because they worry they may have a bad relationship with a baby girl like they do with their own mums for example (yes I know it’s a 50/50 chance) but people do this. I can’t speak on behalf of the OP however, I personally was upset when I found out I was having a girl. I had a feeling it was a boy. It upset more feeling this like this because I knew it was the ‘norm’ and I didn’t understand why I was suddenly bothered by it. I’m lucky I guess I did get over it within an hour, I was told something else at my scan which I now assumed could have been that too which upset me, however I read up on gender dissapointment afterwards and was shocked at how many people suffer from it & how wrong it is to ever ask the question on MN. It’s a huge taboo subject which I never really thought about before falling pregnant

Agree with you @Anyat212 theres no shame in "Wanting or desiring" something...If she was to suggest abortion over sex...then yes that could warrant the word "sickening" at no point has anything she said been sickening...And their are reasons for everything individuals feel.

Boys are fantastic i have 3 and due my little girl this month I'm more scared of having my girl lol.

My 3 boys all have health problems and after i almost lost my 3rd son when he was 12 days old i swore never would i take any my children for granted so although i thought i was having my 4th son I'm grateful to manage to get this far.

My boys although rough and tumble with each other loved being cuddled up watching films and being sung to.

I feel very privileged to be a mother to these loving babies regardless of sex.

You will love your baby it might not come right away but it will come just have patience with yourself & congratulations xxx