Sex of the baby!

[tinytinker93]

Has anyone ever been really upset with the sex of there baby? I know it sounds selfish but I have 2 boys and I'm pregnant with baby number 3 and I'm desperate for it to be a girl so my partner can finally have a daughter! My gender scan isn't until 23rd April and I'm honestly worried it's another boy! I think I'm going to be truly gutted if it's a boy and I know that sounds selfish but I was wondering if anyone has ever been in this situation?

I do understand baby loss as I lost twin girls as 23 weeks and I'm thinking that's why I want a girl so bad not to replace them because they were my world but because it's something I've always wanted so to the people saying I'm selfish and I should be happy no matter what because I don't know wha5 baby loss is like well I do and yes I know I'm selfish but my partner was devastated when we lost the girls and I know he so badly wants a daughter he can watch grow up and bond with, I love my boys to the ends of the earth but I honestly think a girl would truly complete our family ❤️

Sorry to hear about your loss OP. GD is just one of them subjects which a lot of people don’t understand and can jump the gun unfortunately. It could be helpful to discuss with your midwife if you are / do really struggle, but just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. Best of luck with your pregnancy

Myboys that’s a good point about the abortion as I agree with you there, I wonder if people get the two mixed up and that’s why it’s so forbidden to ever talk / admit IRL or MN.

I think people are being very harsh towards the OP. I'm sure she's grateful to be having a baby in the first place, but is also feeling some gender disappointment. If you take the view that she shouldn't be disappointed or voice it on here or anything just because others have had losses, then really you're saying no one should ever be disappointed about anything because there's always going to be someone in a worse situation. Like @My3boys9910 said, if she was considering abortion because she didn't like the sex, then yes that's awful, but otherwise she can't help how she feels. I'm sure she will still love this baby and give it everything she can, even if she is disappointed, while some mothers resent their children and neglect them etc, that's sickening.

In my experience, I really wanted a girl if I'm being honest, that's just what I've always wanted. But of course what I wanted more was a healthy baby to arrive, no matter what the sex. But I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed to find out it's a boy... but I'll still love this healthy little boy with all my heart, and I do love him already! And I'm very grateful to be have had a healthy pregnancy so far of course!

That doesn't mean I can't feel a little disappointment?! That's like saying shut up about your morning sickness, nausea, back pain, contractions... at least you're pregnant! People will always complain and feel disappointed about things, doesn't mean they aren't grateful. I'm sure all of you who have attacked the OP have complained about or felt disappointed about silly things before in your life, I'm sure you've been unhappy about first world problems while there's other people who would love to be in your position.

The OP just wanted somewhere where she could talk about this and open up, and assumed she wouldn't be judged on here. I'm the same, I come on here for a safe place to talk, but doesn't feel like a safe place with all the responses on this post.

Your partner can finally have their daughter?

Sorry OP- didn’t see you had lost twins. Your comment makes more sense to me now.

Just to add...if really annoys me when people write on gender treads ‘it’s a 50/50’ chance - no it isn’t.
The sperm decide the gender, not the egg, and some men will have a genetic tendancy to produce male or female sperm.
Also, when you conceive in your cycle has a big impact.
I have no doubt so many people using ovulation kits will mean we have a lot more baby boys!
On the original point, I can understand gender disappointment but also think you have to be grateful for a healthy baby.

Adding another voice to the party. I love my baby boys and never considered wanting either a girl or boy, but I have experienced some kind of retrospective gender disappointment, enforced by friends and strangers alike “commiserating me on my boys!

• Ahhh so you’ll be trying for a girl next then?
• oh gosh, two boys, don’t know how I’d cope!
• oh I’d like a girl second if I had a boy first
• are you disappointed?
• is your mum

And from my mil when sil gave birth to baby girl: thank heavens we have a girl at last! Etc etc etc

I have had to constantly defend my wonderful boys, especially the second one, from conception all the way to toddlerhood and beyond. It’s exhausting and makes me so cross. And honestly, this kind of belief enforced by others that we should all have 50:50 split of children is what drives so many women’s gender disappointment. I’m sorry you feel this way OP. Really really understandable after losing your girl twins, too. I hope you will grow to love your baby boy. Mine are adorable and cuddly. They are high energy but also love books and painting, my 4 year old always has something nice to say about what I’m wearing and my 2 year borrows my necklaces. Nothing is every black and white between sexes. Children are children and they are all wonderful.

@popskipiekin your so right...people really do see mums with boys and sort of sigh and roll their eyes as if they feel sorry for you...and my family & freinds always say "I think it will be a girl" "you need a girl now" and that puts such a strain on me as i have 3 beautiful sons & its like everyone else wants me to have a girl...which builds pressure for me hence why im keeping it quiet until i find out the sex of thos baby...I tried for a 4th BABY...Sex means absoloutley nothing to me...but i would LIKE a daughter you know...it is such a touchy subject...

i have two boys and so when i was pregnant with my third i did hope i’d have a girl but i wouldn’t have been upset if she’d been another boy. it’s just chance at the end of the day. one of my family members was desperate for a boy and had five girls and two miscarriages before finally giving up.

OP, I would like to sincerely apologise about your previous loss And I probably was harsh, however I wasn't aware of the background. I probably would have been sympathetic if you'd explained in your OP.

Okay, I'll try and explain myself better: there are lots of posts on MN (and seems a LOT recently) about disappointment over the sex of their baby. And nine times out of 10, it seems disappointment over a boy, because they wanted a girl. I have a son. He's an absolute joy and I'm utterly smitten with him most days he brings so much to my life and my heart feels like it could burst with love for him (I know people feel like this about all their children) so to me, having a boy is a wonderful, fantastic thing, and nothing to be disappointed about. And when I read about or people saying they wanted a girl and are disappointed they're having a boy, I just 'why?? What does it matter? All children are wonderful, regardless of sex'. I've seen people tell me they're having a boy and are so flat and deflated. It gets my back up and like I have to defend not only having a boy, but love having a son. It feel likes a slap in the face and like a boy is lesser, and not worthy. As if girls are superior. So I probably feel automatically defensive about it and like I want to shout : boys are are awesome are girls, all kids are awesome.

I've seen threads where people HAVE been disappointed after the birth of their child because it wasn't the sex they wanted, and struggled to bond. And I know someone who actually contemplated a termination because it wasn't the sex she wanted (she didn't in the end, but dressed her baby boy in dresses sometimes). It's heartbreaking and my thoughts go the baby that the parents are disappointed of what's between their legs, which is something they can't help. They should be loved and celebrated as they are, regardless of their sex.

People come across (probably due to enforced beliefs from society) that girls are somehow better and your life will be complete/fulfilled with a girl. And I just question, WHY does a girl seem to mean more than boys. So I don't understand this desperation for a girl, and these threads do get my back up. And I probably get too passionate/defensive about it. But as i said, now I know the context, then I apologise for being so harsh/unsympathetic, genuinely. I hope you get closer after the loss of your twin girls I can't even begin to imagine your pain.

And Ambs I don't mean the chances at conception are 50/50 (I realise their are different factors at play) I just meant their are only two outcomes of the biological sex (male or female), it's not as though as there are 50 possible options

@my3boys9910 you might find this article rings true - guardian, Hadley Freeman

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/feb/09/hadley-freeman-pregnant-again-very-personal-questions

She lists the top annoying questions she gets asked now she’s pregnant again after twin sons. Number 1? You’ve guessed it: “I bet you’re hoping for a girl”

@Chocolateheaven123 completely with you on general society basically enforcing the belief that girls are somehow superior. Makes my blood boil. I don’t hold back now if anyone says anything negative about boys vs girls in my presence. Oh and would you believe - my husband gets the opposite, high fives all the way that he’s fathered two boys

You shouldn't even be having a child if you're that bothered about what sex they are.

@JuniperNani what a totally useless and POINTLESS comment to make! Also, maybe read the whole thread before you comment like that!! I had my son three years ago and currently pregnant with my 2nd baby. I always said I never minded whether we had boys or girls - I love my son to bits and said another like him would be perfect! And equally a girl would be too. Then from about 13 weeks I had the huge sense of "this baby HAS to be a girl". I felt so horribly selfish, but I just kept saying to my partner I'd feel so disappointed if it was a boy - to everyone else I joked that I didn't mind and put on a brave face. I cried every day that it was going to be a boy. And I cried even harder because I was so God Damn frustrated that I was getting so upset over something I had no control over and I knew I was being pathetic. I should just be happy to be pregnant. I did not want to feel this way, and I knew it was wrong but had no control over it. My control over my emotions exactly mimicked those of my PND and I was in a very dark place - thinking about it 24/7. We later found out that this baby is a girl and I thought I would feel huge overwhelm of excitement....i didn't! I still felt guilty every day for thinking that I would be disappointed with a boy. Now at 31 weeks I am finally excited! And as my emotions have settled I've realised I would be happy with any outcome. But for everyone saying horrible things to those who have gender disappointment, or possible gender disappointment....believe me it isn't a feeling I ever wanted to choose - especially as clearly it is so drastically misunderstood and judged by so many. Good Luck OP, and so sorry for all you and your partner have been through xx

People are allowed to want things, have preferences for things, and should be allowed to express their disappointment at not getting them, regardless of other people's sad experiences. The OP didn't say "I'll only be happy about having a healthy baby if it's a girl", did she?

@JuniperNarni

Honestly fuck off. Totally useless comment on this thread which you couldn’t be arsed to read - smooth

Babyno2mamabear

Totally agree with you on the misunderstanding of this topic too, good luck with your pregnancy!

Where did you get the idea it's a gender scan?

Gender disappointment is very real and very difficult to deal with. Unless you have been there who are you to judge?
I really wanted a girl, i always wanted a girl first. I'd never ever find out the sex until the birth. When my baby was born and the midwife said it was a boy I admit I felt disappointed and thought I didn't get my daughter. I loved my son from the second I saw him, of course I did, but part of me was thinking I wish we'd had a girl not a boy.
If we have another baby in the future I will feel exactly the same way.
I appreciate that every baby is precious and that really boy or girl shouldn't matter at all. I also understand that there are people who can't have children or who have lost children who will think I'm the most heartless selfish person ever and will judge me. I'm aware that even those who haven't been in such a situation will also judge me. But believe me when I say no one will ever hate me for feeling that way as much as I hate myself. I have to carry that guilt and live with it for the rest of my life.
I just wanted posters to understand that it is real and it's not easy to deal with it. I'm not saying it's a good thing, far from it. But don't judge what you don't understand.

Happymummy12345, please don't hate yourself. There's some feelings in life we can't control. You love your son and I'm sure he has a brilliant life, and he loves you back too - that's the most important thing xx

The sperm decide the gender, not the egg,

The egg is more receptive to one of the sexes, I understand. So whilst SEX is ultimately determined by the sperm, the egg does play a significant part.

And the only thing that decides GENDER is society. Eg what society decides babies with vaginas should like versus what babies with peni should like. If you don’t want your child to be limited in their opportunities, ditch gender full stop. It’s completely made up.