Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

any single mums with 5 children and pregnant. Will have to go it alone. Will need opinions

37 replies

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 17:57

Please can someone give experiences on what's it like to have 6 kids as a single mum. Do you cope? And adapt. Trying to make a decision on my pregnancy.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

donajimena · 03/03/2019 17:59

My friend has 5 and I'll be honest. Its a struggle. Also if you need support such as universal credit you won't be any better off other than increase in CB.

NotANotMan · 03/03/2019 18:00

I'm a LP of one and if I were pregnant again and on my own I'd terminate in a heartbeat. And with 5 already? How can you meet the needs of 6 children on your own?

donajimena · 03/03/2019 18:01

Think really carefully about the impact it will have on your current children.

thecutecouple · 03/03/2019 18:08

It depends on the age of your other DC. What do you want? It is inevitable, it will be hard, especially the earlier years. Do you have other support? Is your DC's Dad(s) involved? Is there someone you can speak with in RL?

Original poster

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 18:12

Thanks everyone. It's a long story but all my kids have the same father. And he's said if I keep this child he will leave me within a week of me making that decision to keep it and he would move in to his own place so he doesn't have to deal with it all and he will come part time to see the kids

OP posts:

Mumshappy · 03/03/2019 18:16

Bless you. Im a single mum to three. Dd15, dd 8 and ds10months. Its not easy but we've got there. Sending hugs x

Cosmogirl86 · 03/03/2019 18:19

What an absolute dick! So he has no problem having unprotected sex but now there are consequences he's decided he wants to be a part time dad?! Mm what???

No
It shouldn't work like that. Its a disgrace that men just get to walk away and leave women to deal with the consequences of sex. Honestly. What a bastard.

LuckyLou7 · 03/03/2019 18:25

Do you want another child? If so, you are going to have to make it work. I have 4 children but not as a single parent, and that was tough when they were small. How old are your other children?

Original poster

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 19:05

I am 13 weeks 1 day. But I've only just found out. There's more to the story but the point he's making is if I keep it the kids won't go on holiday or go places and cause a Strain which I know it will I'm not stupid but I don't think I can mentally go through an abortion at 13 week. The thought of surgery terrifies me and I can already feel flutters. I think this would devastate me for life but if I don't do what he wants he will leave me a single mum and he justifies it all the time of it being my fault.

OP posts:

Original poster

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 19:20

He told me he wouldn't leave me just to get me to do a pregnancy test, as soon as it showed positive he told me he expects me to have one or else he's leaving me

OP posts:

Ozziewozzie · 03/03/2019 19:29

I'm a single mum and I have 5 children. I'm not pregnant though.
I don't have any family support at all, so I literally just crack on. My children are 21, (uni) 17 (college A levels) 16 (gcse's) 3 (nursery) and 1.
We have a happy home. It's busy (for me) but I don't mind one bit.

Cosmogirl86 · 03/03/2019 19:33

No one can bully you into a termination!!

OK I won't lie. Your circumstances seem less than ideal. It's a lot of children but listen to yourself

" I think this would devastate me for life"

Looks like you've already made the decision so he needs to shape up or ship out

TheInvestigator · 03/03/2019 19:38

Wait... You didn't want to take a pregnancy test until he promised to stay? I'm assuming you've missed a few periods and have suspected you were pregnant, as has he, but you've not taken a test until now. That would annoy me; refusing to take a test before being a couple of months into suspecting it would be irritating.

But you know now. And unless you've been lieing about taking birth control then this is his responsibilty as much as yours. But you need to think very carefully about how life would be with 6 kids, single or not, that isn't an easy life.

Can you afford it? Do you want it? Will the children lose out? Do you have space?

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 19:46

I know a man who has a large family, with several young children and his wife now has toddler babies. I was joking would I him about having more and he told me he would leave without question if she got pregnant again. He said he is barely surviving and he just could not cope and would go live in a hostel or bedsit. I was expecting him to laugh but the poor man has aged 10 years in the last 2 years. I felt very sorry for him when he was being so honest.

I don't know the story with your husband, but there must be more to it than holidays and money.

I just wanted to wish you all the best with your baby. He will still have to help you, even if he moves out. You must be very stressed right now, but it is not like you will be able to go back to normal after this. Best wishes to you.

GabbyGal · 03/03/2019 20:19

@3luckystars sorry for him my arse! Guess he’d better stop having sex with his wife so.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation OP, your partner sounds like a right knob.

clarrylove · 03/03/2019 20:23

He could've had a vasectomy if he felt that strongly about it.

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 20:27

That was his plan too until it was 100% safe to do so. He is not a bad man, but he really really could not cope with any more children and the last set of twins were a surprise.
I could completely understand. He just said that is enough.

Did your husband suspect you were pregnant again and you weren't sure?

moretractorsplease · 03/03/2019 20:32

I suppose what you have to ask yourself is how you will feel about him if you terminate your pregnancy and he stays. I think if I was you I would really struggle not to resent him.

HotpotLawyer · 03/03/2019 20:37

Goodness.
Was he happy to have a big brood up until this point or has the choice around kids largely been yours?

He’s kind of killed off the relationship anyway, by his ultimatum, hasn’t he?

I would do everything I could to avoid being a single parent of 6 kids including a newborn. But that’s me. Only you know how you will manage.

Bedroom space for them all? Car and transport? Childcare? When they all get Norivirus?

But whatever you decide I am sorry your H is not supporting you and being a team.

Original poster

inthedarkx · 03/03/2019 20:38

Thank you all again.
I didn't lie about taking the pill or anything like that. He said he would leave if I don't have an abortion but I know if he stays I will hate him!! I will resent him for life. I won't be able to have sex with him every again and it would probably end us anyway. But then again, he's saying he will leave me a single mum and keeps using scary tactics like ' you and the kids will have no life' to justify me getting rid of it

OP posts:

IVEgottheDECAF · 03/03/2019 20:39

How old are your dc op?

I am expecting dc5, not a single parent but think with 5 i could manage

hellenbackagen · 03/03/2019 20:43

I'd call his bluff. I terminated for disability at 14!weeks and getting a surgical is difficult after 12 weeks. You may have to go through a labour and birth- a medical management. Really check out all your options but I'd tell him to fuck off .
And get the snip.

ShabbyAbby · 03/03/2019 20:46

I wouldn't terminate in your position, OP, because it doesn't sound like it's what you want at all and tbh as though your relationship is over either way

3luckystars · 03/03/2019 20:53

Well you are going to have to manage 5 on your own from now on anyway. Don't be threatened by him.

bobstersmum · 03/03/2019 20:55

I wouldn't personally go ahead with the pregnancy.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.