any single mums with 5 children and pregnant. Will have to go it alone. Will need opinions

[inthedarkx]

Please can someone give experiences on what's it like to have 6 kids as a single mum. Do you cope? And adapt. Trying to make a decision on my pregnancy.

It sounds like you’re going to be a single mum anyway, but you do have a decision in relation to whether that’s to 5 children, or 6.

Do you want another baby?

It does sound like you might go this alone anyway. I understand you completely when you say you couldn’t forgive him, I wouldn’t want to be with a man who threatened me with that. My mother raised 5 kids, but she was not always alone. Her husband died when she was 5 months pregnant with her 3rd, and she was left to raise them plus her disabled step child who died a few years later. However, she had family support, and she met my father the following year, who gave her a lot of support, even though he never lived with her. Benefits were easier back then, and property was cheaper. But if you think it’s possible then you do what’s right for you. I never had holidays as a child, we would run out of electricity sometimes, we didn’t often have new clothes. But none of those things really mattered to me. I can make up for them all now with my own life choices. If you think you can give your children a loving and supportive environment, and you’ll be happy and free in your heart, that’s all that matters.

*she raised 6 kids including my step sister who passed; she had 2 with my dad.

Is it in the best interest of your five existing children to have another sibling? They are the most important people in this decision.

Is it in the best interest of your five existing children to have another sibling? They are the most important people in this decision.

^This. We've had miscarriages and I used to think that I'd never have a termination. But recent we had a scare and I know that if it had been pregnancy I would have 100% sadly but 100% confidently terminated, because we have 4 DCs and are already stretched thin enough. My parents had more children than they could manage and too much of my childhood was spent caring for the little ones and fighting for scraps of attention.

You sound like you are a loving mother to the children you have. Do you think it is the right thing for them to add another baby to the mix?
You will not get child benefit. How will you financially manage? Will you be able to physically manage? Would you need your older children to help more than they should, physically or emotionally? Do you have other support, or family you can live with?

@3luckystars

Poor fellow not being able to cope and having no choice but to leave the family, hitting his partner with full blown responsibility for something that 2 people were struggling with...I wonder what you would have said if the mother made plans to leave. He should get the snip if he’s planning on being so selfish in future.

It’s obviously completely your decision and I think your relationship is over either way so it’s now thinking whether you can cope with six children on your own or not really. There’s a lot to consider but think about the financial aspect as well as trying to give six children the attention they require mostly on your own, is it do-able? Honestly you are looking at being a single mum of five or of six including a newborn, it’s entirely up to you whether you think you can manage or not.

You will cope either way. An abortion won’t ruin your life, I realise some hyperbole drifts around about women whose whole lives were ruined due to a termination. Most women just carry on like normal because that’s life and humans are strong and resilient. You would find a way of making six kids work on your own as well however difficult it would be.

Is there anyone you can talk to about it in real life? Maybe call Marie Stopes and request some counselling.

Oh and your OH is a prick. He could’ve used condoms or got a vasectomy. With five children under his belt he should’ve realised how babies are made by now .

There's no guarantee your marriage would survive even if you had the termination.

Life definitely wouldn't be ideal with 6 children on your own, but 5 children with a bully doesn't sound like a bed of roses either.

I would consider termination, but I would also consider whether I wanted dh to remain in my life.

Hi, I'm going through this right now. I have 5 kids, my youngest are 14month twins and eldest 16. I'm about 7 weeks pregnant and can't decide whether to continue the pregnancy or not

I’m the eldest of 6 children and my mum was single raising us all. We helped out, it was a struggle but we had a fab childhood. Having two kids my self and a third on the way having kids isn’t easy. But you adapt. I’m sure it’ll all work out fine.

thats an old thread. i wonder what happened with op.