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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Helping my daughter, what is best?

17 replies

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 13:56

My DD is 30 weeks pregnant, she is very healthy. Her DH works away all week and sometimes for weeks at a time. I never had any help when I was pregnant or a new mum, so I am asking all of you younger people, what would be the most useful way I can help her for the next 10 weeks and as a new mum. I don't mind cleaning her house or shopping for her/with her anything really, but I am mindful of not making her think I don't think she can cope. She has ADHD so struggles with organisation anyway, but I like to take a backseat as much as I can as her DH is very capable. I just want to do something, so asking what would you lot prefer someone to come in and do for you.

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Yakadee · 26/02/2019 14:03

If you're worried about upsetting her, could you just ask how you can help and explain you want to help but that you know she's very capable on her own?

I have a 4 week old and my mum and Mil have been great. Often when they've been here I've hung my washing out, done some jobs upstairs and I'm actually going for dinner at my mum's on Fri.

In the first week after having baby (I had a section) they took (helped my husband) my nearly 3 year old son out so he wasn't just stuck in the whole time. I found this to be best as it meant I could catch up with jobs and rest.

Good luck to your daughter and enjoy your grandchild x

Jackshouse · 26/02/2019 14:14

Ask your DD. She may not need much help or she may not think so until the baby arrives or until after her DH has gone back to work.

Original poster

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 14:19

I will ask her then, but I just don't want her to think I think she will struggle, I am sure I can word it right!!

OP posts:

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 26/02/2019 14:21

As others have said, I would ask her as people can be different.

Personally I would love it if my mum came round and helped with the cleaning (even if it's just the washing up). Offering to pop to the shops on your way over is handy. When I had DS my mum made a homemade victoria sponge and that was one of the best things ever, so I would say food, either snack things she can eat one handed or if DH is away a meal/s she can pop in the oven/microwave.

Also, and this can be very different for different people, but when baby is here if she's on her own a lot she might want a break from baby, to shower or nap or something. My DS wouldn't be put down so DH would hold him if I needed to do something, but if her DH is away, maybe offer to hold baby while she has a break. Some new mum's absolutely hate this though so don't be upset if she declines.

Original poster

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 14:28

Thankyou Chocolatechip that is great advice, (the only thing she will possibly refuse in that lot is my cake baking!!!) I would never be offended if she didn't want me to take him from her, I didn't like anyone but me and DH holding our PFB!!!

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mondaysaturday · 26/02/2019 14:36

I didn't have any family around through my pregnancy or with my newborn but I had a few good friends who did some amazing stuff. A couple of them brought Tupperware full of yummy easily reheatable food (this was such a lifesaver), another gave me a massage voucher and babysat while I went. We hired a cleaner to come once a week, I'd have felt really awkward about someone I knew cleaning our house but I didn't mind if it was someone we were paying so that might be an option depending on finances. Another thing we really appreciated was that everyone was so lovely about giving us space, like people would say "oh just tell us if/when you're ready for company" instead of pushing us about when they could see the baby. You sound like a lovely mum and I'm sure your daughter will really appreciate you being there for her.

Spargle · 26/02/2019 15:57

For me (I might have ADHD), feeding myself when I’m the only one around can be a big problem. DH is going away for about a month about a month after I’m due to give birth, and I’m enlisting the help of my baby sister to be around so that I don’t have to produce any meals for one. I would have enlisted my mother if she hadn’t said things like “well, if the baby is the sort of baby that might stop breathing, it’s better that it happens, and sooner rather than later”, but I expect you, like most humans, wouldn’t do that!

(Sorry - I digressed!)

But yeah - having another person around who also needs to eat (or having a meal prepared which I just have to heat up, or which just needs eating) helps me, personally, to cope with one of the larger problems I encounter.

So it might be that this could help her sometimes, or it could be that her needs are entirely different from mine! And, of course, asking is a good thing to do. But I’m embarrassed that I can’t currently cope with such a basic aspect of adulting, and would probably not generally want to suggest people do this for me, but if they offered I’d be enthusiastic!

DartmoorDoughnut · 26/02/2019 16:01

If you like cooking maybe lots of meals that she can freeze and eat one handed once reheated?!

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 26/02/2019 16:12

Oh you sound lovely, OP! I'd agree, getting yourself lunch can be really hard in the early days of having a baby, so maybe popping round with some nice sandwiches or something in the morning? Dinners also welcome. And maybe if she's had a bad night's sleep offering to take the baby out for a walk so she can have a nap for an hour or have a shower. I remember really longing to have a nice long shower rather than a quick flick with a flannel while the baby screamed in the bouncer on the bathroom floor!

Before the baby arrives maybe just help her enjoy her last few weeks of pregnancy? Take her for a day out or to have brunch and read the papers or go to the cinema. All those things you can't do with a newborn (or just aren't so much fun with a newborn!) Or is there anything practical like second hand stuff she wants cleaning or new clothes she would like laundered and folded all ready? Course, some people like to do all this themselves but you can always offer.

Original poster

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 16:14

spargle I think cooking meals is the best idea, she is likely to just eat crisps if she is busy as her diet is the first thing to suffer when she is feeling overwhelmed.

OP posts:

Bobbiepin · 26/02/2019 16:14

My mum came over the week DH went back to work, brought food, made tea, had DD while I napped but then cleaned. I got so pissed off with her by the end of the week that I told her to leave because I just wanted to be alone with DD - the one thing I was terrified of at the beginning of the week. The woman is an evil genius!

Original poster

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 17:30

bobbiepin

OP posts:

peg90 · 26/02/2019 17:40

My Mum took me away to a fancy hotel for a night, got our nails done and went for a lovely meal too. Was really nice to get away even just for a nighy

Darkstar4855 · 26/02/2019 17:42

My mum came to stay when my little one was two weeks old. She cleared the ironing pile and cooked us a meal which was a huge help. She also took the baby for a bit first thing in the morning so I could have a bit of a sleep if I’d had a bad night.

WeeBean · 26/02/2019 17:52

This is so so sweet, your daughter is lucky to have you. As others said prepping some meals that be easily heated, I did this for friends when they had their wee one and they really appreciated it. I'm sure she'd appreciate help with washing, ironing and general housework too. I had HG up until a few weeks ago and my mum would call in with groceries and would do all sorts of wee bits of housework without me even realising until she had gone, it really made such a difference!

Before the baby is born she might like some mother daughter chill time with you too? I've booked random days off work to make the run in to maternity leave easier and I've planned wee days with my mum for most of them, just shopping trips, lunch out, even just me calling to hers or her coming to mine to help with nursery stuff. Enjoy these last few weeks of real quality time together before a new wee person joins the fun.

Original poster

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 26/02/2019 17:59

Some really good ideas here, I work for my DH so have insisted I have 1 day off a week as “maternity leave”. That started last month so we will make lots of plans once hers starts on Friday. My DH was rather perplexed as to why my maternity leave started a month before hers, but what does he know😂😂😂😂 I am sure you have all gathered I am super excited about becoming a Nanna but just want to make sure I don’t become overbearing and you have all helped me a lot.x

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Exhaustedmummy1811 · 26/02/2019 22:50

I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant I've had a lot of issues with the pregnancy and find I'm often in pain. To be honest sometimes all I want is someone to make me a cuppa and have a chat with, maybe just knowing your just there and she can chat or off load to you is enough. Hope she has a stress free last ten weeks

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