My mums disappointed that I'm having a boy

[Habbs]

My mum has granddaughters, she doesn't have any grandsons yet so I thought she'd be over the moon. It's my first baby and we're so happy, but she instantly said oh but what if the next one isn't a girl either? I just shrugged it off because I'm not thinking about the next one, I'm excited about my little boy. She text me a few hours later saying it's a shame but she will love 'it' as long as 'it's' healthy. I text back saying HE is not a shame, and how upset I was by her reaction. Most others have been happy for me, but you can tell a few people are acting like I've somehow conceived an inferior sex.. but my own mother??? Why do little boy babies not seem to be seen as a good thing??? I'm really hurt.

It’s ridiculous and I’m sorry your mother has been so silly and hurtful.

I have two lovely boys and twats occasionally make the daft noises about how I must be disappointed, won’t I try again for a girl, etc etc. I have no idea why people assume mothers must be desperate for girls and boys are a disappointment.

I am right now listening to my 7 year old reading the three little pigs to his 3 year old brother. They are brilliant, funny, charming, loving individuals.

We encountered the exact opposite... we had two girls already and when DC3 was a boy it was like he was the second coming. Family members seemed far more excited about a boy (and still are now he’s 6 weeks old) than they were about the girls. Baffles me to be honest.
Congratulations on your baby boy OP.

Oh gosh that's awful! So sorry she's being that way. Did she reply to you when you told her you were upset?

Not sure what else to say... It's pretty shocking behaviour! But I bet she'll be all smitten with him when he arrives!

Best of luck with this situation OP

My theory is that a lot of women want to try and recreate their female-female relationships - mother/daughter etc.

I had a boy recently, I have had so many "will you try for a girl next?" comments. Erm... No, we may try for another baby at some stage and we will get what were given (because that's how it works!) and we'll be happy with whatever that baby is (and would be more than happy with another boy!)

People are so weird about these things, and I don’t understand it. I’m so sorry your mum has said that, that is so hurtful. FWIW, I have only ever had girls in the family, and my boy was such a complete shock to me (not in a bad way at all) and he is the most adorable, gorgeous, happy child, who literally brings so much delight to our lives (he is now 4). She will hopefully get over this once he is born, and sees how wonderful he is, but I know that won’t take away the hurt of her comments.

Congratulations on your baby.

I have two sons and I can highly recommend boys!

Your mothers comments were hurtful. Yanbu. I
Suspect my own mother thought the same but thankfully kept her trap shut. In time however she has developed a great relationship with my boys however and I'm sure your dm will too.

Very hurtful behavior. I thought that having granddaughters already would mean being extra excited about a grandson. Bizzare.
Soon as I had my son all I heard was "when are you going to try for a girl" it started literally from the day I brought him home. Even though my family adored him I felt like they thought it was my duty to give him a sister and like we weren't quite complete. Whether they had been like this if my daughter had been born first I really don't know.

I'm sorry, OP. I'm glad you told her her reaction upset you though, she needs to know she's wrong.

I have a boy who is the light of my life. I adore him. I'm also expecting another baby soon, and people keep asking if I want a girl or it'd be nice to have one of each. My mum, who although dotes on my DS and spoils him rotten, mentioned the other day it's be nice if I have a girl so it would always be close to her I was the youngest of 3 and have two older brother. My mum expected me to be a girly girl who loved shopping etc. If I have a girl and my mum bestows the same expectations on her then I will NOT allow it (unless she loved shopping, that is).

I despise preference for a boy or girl, she knows this. Why can't just people be happy if the baby is a girl OR a boy??

Anyway, congratulations on your little boy, OP

Sorry, know she’s your mum .... but stupid woman. Boys are brilliant (as are girls and everything in between).

Wish you much joy.

If reply asking her why it was a shame?!

How bizarre.

My MIL visited me in hospital just a few hours after i gave birth to my second beautiful son to tell me she was very disappointed i had another boy. My DS arrived just in time to overhear this and nearly put her in the next available bed!!

How ridiculous. Congratulations on your pregnancy and impending son.

I can sympathise. When I told my dad that DC2 was going to be another boy his exact words were “oh no not another boy” as his last 3 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren were boys. I wouldn’t mind but he has granddaughters already.
I was mighty pissed off. I adore my 2 boys and wouldn’t change them for all the girls in the world (obviously)

I agree with @AnotherOrigjnalUsername about the female relationships! I think a lot of women do have that hope.

It’s a real shame OP that your mum would be so tactless but I’m sure when the baby is born, she will be so happy that she will stop the focus on the baby being a boy.

Best wishes for you and your baby and congratulations

What a bizzare response, sorry she's upset you! We're having a boy (first grandchild either side) and we can't wait. I know people bang on about special mother daughter relationships and I'm lucky to have that with my mum but my mum and brother also have an incredibly close relationship and it's so lovely. We both also had a lovely relationship with my late Nannie. I'm sure she'll be besottt by her first grandson when he gets here.

I’d love a daughter but I love my two beautiful boys. And your mum is a selfish asshole. If she thought the mother daughter bond is so special she should be sorry for YOU not doesn’t give a damn about you but mourning her lost grandma gdaughter relationship. I wouldn’t call for a few weeks actually , I’d be too pissed. Also in my case busy with my adorable boys

I had a similar response from my SILs when DS was born -- and the oddest and most maddening thing was that they assumed I secretly shared their disappointment and was putting a brave face on it! Because didn't every mother (and I was an older FT mother and this would be my only child) want to dress up her ickle girl in babygros with tutus on them and giant floral hairbands?

As an older Mum who had several losses, I was so happy to have my beautiful baby at last (a girl). All I ever hear from my dh's family is what a shame dh never got to have a son, can't watch him play football etc etc

People will always inflict their opinion on you - Congratulations and enjoy your lovely baby.

Cross post on other side! No tutus or floral headbands here though!

I think people who harbour these preferences are inferior! Congratulations on your new baby!

You only have to look at the infertility threads to appreciate how precious each healthy child is. Quite why you'd dismiss a gender on birth is beyond my comprehension. The relationships you foster are the ones you end up with. Gender has nothing to do with it but don't be surprised if your son isn't as close to you because you've spent his life thinking he's inferior to a girl

Two boys here very proud and happy no complaints.

People are weird. My df was upset that dc1 was a boy but FiL was over the moon that his son (he'd already got 3 grandsons off his daughters) was having a boy.

Because didn't every mother (and I was an older FT mother and this would be my only child) want to dress up her ickle girl in babygros with tutus on them and giant floral hairbands?

My second is a girl and I keep being told off by old ladies for dressing her in her brother's cast offs.

Im 30 weeks and a colleague recently said to me "I think it's a boy but I hope for your sake it's a girl". I have never expressed a preference to boy or girl...I don't have one. I asked her why and she said that everyone would prefer to have a girl. I was completely dumbfounded.

That's awful, I'm sorry OP.

My DM admitted she was pleased that my first was a girl because "I don't really know what to do with a boy"... I was a bit concerned about how she would've reacted if DD had been a boy! And then last year I had DS. If she was disappointed or worried she never said a word, and they absolutely adore one another, just like her and DD.

I hope your Mum realises ASAP that little boys are every bit as precious and lovely as girls!

I asked her why and she said that everyone would prefer to have a girl. I was completely dumbfounded.

This is what my SILs thought, apparently, and that I was bravely concealing my desperate disappointment that my only child was going to be a boy. I had never previously particularly thought about the fact that one SIL has three boys and a girl (the youngest) and the other SIL two boys and a girl (again, the youngest), but it turned out that they were I quote SIL 2 determined to 'keep going until I got my girl'.

I believe they still regard me as a tragedy, with my only child being a boy.

I have three boys. I adore each one. I was never disappointed that they were boys but I am staggered how many women ask whether the third was “meant” to be a boy or whether I’ll keep going “until I get the girl”. It’s never men who ask.
I have a friend with three girls. No one ever asks her if she would have preferred a boy or whether she will try for a boy.
I’ve no idea why but many women tend to see a boy as a disappointment. It makes me sad.