My mums disappointed that I'm having a boy

[Habbs]

My mum has granddaughters, she doesn't have any grandsons yet so I thought she'd be over the moon. It's my first baby and we're so happy, but she instantly said oh but what if the next one isn't a girl either? I just shrugged it off because I'm not thinking about the next one, I'm excited about my little boy. She text me a few hours later saying it's a shame but she will love 'it' as long as 'it's' healthy. I text back saying HE is not a shame, and how upset I was by her reaction. Most others have been happy for me, but you can tell a few people are acting like I've somehow conceived an inferior sex.. but my own mother??? Why do little boy babies not seem to be seen as a good thing??? I'm really hurt.

I know people bang on about special mother daughter relationships and I'm lucky to have that with my mum but my mum and brother also have an incredibly close relationship and it's so lovely.

I sometimes wonder if some (not all) of those mother daughter relationships that are more special are because the mothers in question always expected or assumed they would have a different/better relationship with their daughters than their sons.

I have a brilliant and amazing relationship with my mother. So do my brothers. My mum gave us the same amount of attention, love and interest in our hobbies and obsessions when we were small, rather than having special girly time for girly things with me.

We had the exact same when I was pregnant (with twins - 2 boys). Were having our 3rd child in the summer and haven't told anyone what we're having because I can't be bothered with the shitty comments.

Great news.
She won't be wanting to visit much, you can enjoy your ds in peace.
Her loss op.

Your mum is horrible OP. I'm expecting DS2 any day now and luckily I've barely had any comments like that. I've had the "oh double trouble" style comments but a colleague expecting her second girl has had similar so I haven't taken offence.

Will be interesting to see what MIL comes out with once he's here though. She made some inappropriate comment about "oh you can't go in hoping for one or the other as you could be disappointed" (when we told everyone we were expecting our second boy) and she treats SIL completely differently to DH and BIL (both older, both superior human beings to SIL ).

Maybe tell your mother about my life. I'm pregnant with a girl and there is so much wrong with her that we are considering a second trimester termination. I'd rather have a healthy child to be honest. I'm going to have a pink basket to cremate her in. Would that have made her happy? At least it's pink (sarcasm of course).

Congratulations on your little boy. You must be so happy.

grinning, I’m so so sorry about your daughter.

That's outrageous. And so is the 'if it's healthy' comment.

That is shocking OP! What did she say to that? How horrible

@grinningcheshirecat i'm so sorry

I'm expecting DC1 (currently 11 days overdue) and we haven't found out the sex. My DH is one of four boys and I know that my in laws will be unbearable if this baby is a girl. I hate the expectations that are placed on girls.

I have to admit though that I would prefer a boy as I have a terrible relationship with my mother and she expects to be involved in everything like her mum was with her because "a daughters yours for life" apparently but I won't be disappointed. I want a healthy child. I just worry if the baby is a girl she'll hate me like I hate my mum

When I was expecting twins my mum said she would like one to be a girl to be my friend like i am to her💗 but wasnt bothered with what i had👍
I had a girl and a boy💗💙
My mum phrased it in a sweet way though

These sorts of comments are really common sadly :-( My boys are utterly lovely and very kind and caring. So ignore them!

Why people say this is just rediciolus i have two little boys 3 and just turning two and they are just fantastic they are the best of friends since i had my second boy everyone has asked me if i am going to try for a girl it makes no differnce to me if the next is a boy or girl what ever it is it will be loved and care for just the same. That was a bit harsh of your mother but dont let it get you down congradulations on your litttle boy

I really can't imagine why anyone would be like this. Don't listen to your mum. My son is currently the only grandchild from myself or siblings (we have a step-granddaughter who is much older). He is absolutely worshipped by my family. I'm due another son soon and my family are far less interested in this one and seem less keen to have him around. I don't think it's because he's another boy, just more that they are are really in to spending time with my first son as he's a bit of a character. I guess the new baby is just a bump in their mind currently and it will probably change once he's born. I'm sure it'll be the same for you.

I guess it's down to what suits your family
I think if I had a precocious, pink-wearing all singing and performing daughter who loved Frozen instead, my family would be less keen. We just aren't really girly. My family find the dirt rummaging and farting obsession in my son much more endearing!

My theory is that a lot of women want to try and recreate their female-female relationships - mother/daughter etc.

Definitely the case for my mother. When I told her that DS1 would be a boy, she said 'Oh... Well, that's nice. It would have been nice to have a girl to go shopping and do girly stuff with though.' She seemed to have forgotten I am not in the least into shopping or stereotypically 'girly' stuff. Besides, I'm sure some boys enjoy that stuff! When I told her DS2 was a boy she just said 'Oh dear' in a sympathetic voice as if I'd said I was giving birth to a serial killer! She still thinks it's a shame I have no one female in the house 'to talk to'

My theory is that a lot of women want to try and recreate their female-female relationships - mother/daughter etc.

I think my desire for a dd is definitely about the poor quality of my relationship with my mum. It's taken well into my 30s to realise she just isn't going to give me what I crave from her. She was emotionally distant or sometimes downright abusibe as a child, even though she was very available in time so I never felt I could complain. Whilst I still would love a dd, I adore my DS and feel I'm better off investing in therapy than overthinking what it would be like if I have a DD!

That's a terrible attitude to have. She should never have voiced that to you!

Try and forget it and concentrate on your amazing baby. Boys are brilliant.

People are bonkers about this OP. I am very blessed to have three gorgeous sons. I have also recently had our first daughter and the COMMENTS! Oh the comments.. 'Oh you FINALLY got your girl' 'Oh I bet you're SO PLEASED it's not another boy' etc etc. All said in front of my beautiful boys as if they are somehow worth less. I love my little girl so much but not more than my boys. I don't feel like she's a better class of baby. She's here and she's ours but I would love her just the same if she'd have been another boy!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP

I have a baby DD and two older sons. Throughout my pregnancy people assumed I wanted a girl. I would have been absolutely delighted either way.
MIL looked at the scan and said 'Sadly Lemon I think it's another boy'. I get on brilliantly with her normally but was livid with her comment and told her there was nothing sad about that little baby.
SIL is now pregnant with a very much wanted DS after IVF and several years of trying. MIL announced to me that 'sadly SIL was having a boy'! SIL would be mortified if she heard her DM say that! I also heard MIL whispering to my DD that girls are better but thankfully she is far too little to know what she's talking about.
She has a wonderful relationship with my DSs so it's really hard to understand.

I've noticed this. I have a nearly 2 year old DS and I've noticed I get quite a few negative comments about boys. Just things like "boys are such hard work, girls are much easier". Also the "I hope the next one is a girl" comments started ages ago, with no indication from us we'd ever have another.

I asked my SIL about this as she also has one DS and she said when she was pregnant people were less excited than for her friend who was pregnant with a girl.

I think if I had another boy it would be fabulous for my DS but I already dread the comments we'll get if we have two boys. I'll need to find a harsh comeback in advance- I think some of these comments are so rude!

grinning.

My mil was disappointed with our 2nd son. She wants a granddaughter.... Sigh.
I love my boys, they're flippin ace.

I have 3 grandchildren
All boys
I am so happy

I know how you feel OP.

When I was pregnant with DS I met up with ex h (DS father) after the scan to update him on all info and tell him the sex of the baby if he wanted to know. It was one of the first things he asked and I even bought a little blue set of bibs to make it a nice gesture....
I presented the bibs and his face visibly fell and he said "oh. I wanted a girl"
🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ you just can't help some people.

And to make it even funnier he got his new gf pregnant within 2 months of knowing each other/Getting together and she had a boy too - so know he's got 2 boys!!!!

I find it so sad that every week on here there is a post about people being disappointed about having sons. It's like theyre second class babies/children.

I find it very bizarre and sadly common in women my MILs age - she has been very open about favouring girls and seems to believe the 'you get to keep a daughter forever' weirdness, whereas sons will obviously leave you heartbroken when they go off and find a wife. Strange stuff.