Opinions on finding out what sex you are expecting?

[Habbs]

After DH & I decided to find out the sex of our little one due in a few months time, both our mothers have said that it's wrong to find out and that we aren't to ruin the surprise for them. I was very surprised as hadn't thought it was something people would have an issue with, but I'm surprised how many people have said I've "ruined the surprise for myself"
Just wondering what others peoples thoughts are, are you for or against? We found out just for practical reasons really, it wont be pink and blue everything but I didn't want to buy unisex everything for no real reason.

I found out with DC1&2 but decided to have a surprise with DC3. I was convinced DC3 was a boy so only really had a solid boys name picked out, we struggled to decide on a girls one but I ‘knew’ I was having a boy so it was fine. She is a girl . I actually really struggled to call her anything other than baby for the first couple of months, it was hard to accept she wasn’t a boy as I had expected to have.

Subsequently found out with DC4 and glad I did. I personally prefer knowing beforehand.

We found out what we are having and anyone who wanted to know, knew, but my MIL didn't want to know so we haven't told her :) I think it's up to you to find out, but if someone doesn't want to know you shouldn't tell them(but they have to understand others know) at the end of the day it's your child you should decide if you want to know or not

I think each to there own, I'm pregnant with my third and after I found out with the first two and with one boy one girl we haven't found out this time simply because it's something different, but not being able to organise is stressing me slightly..

I'm not against knowing, we just didn't want to know ourselves. I looked forward to the moment I gave birth and found out - and on each occasion my husband was the one to tell me, a moment that will stay with me forever.
There wasn't anything that I wanted to buy that would have been a different purchase if we'd have known what sex it was.
No problem with others finding out though - I can see why, it just wasn't for us.

We haven't found out but if we had I wouldn't be keeping it a secret because they've decided to make it all about them... It's a surprise whenever you find out, as people always say, I'd like to have that surprise on the day, most people choose to have it during their pregnancy and it's entirely their choice and sod all to do with anyone else.

It's your baby. It's your pregnancy. Your right to find out what you want about it!

My tolerance for bullshit is fading fast at the moment and I'd be tempted to reply with a bit of a tone that you're sorry they're making your pregnancy all about them but it's really not necessary and you're happy with your choices.

We found out what we were having on both occasions but didn’t tell anyone else we were finding out. Not sure why but we just inexplicably didn’t want anyone else to know it was still a surprise to us whether we found out via a scan or after labour.

I say this as someone who's found out at birth 5x. How the hell are you 'ruining the surprise'? It's still a bloody surprise!! If you'd like to know, find out! It will be just as exciting & way less messy than doing it after you deliver. If they don't want to know, dont tell them.

I'd be happy to wait but DH wants to know I think so we will probably find out as we are having bloods for abnormality which give 99% accuracy of gender as an option (NIPT). He is having issues with the idea of the pregnancy so anything that helps it feel real to him I'll do.

But it is up to you as a couple- no-one else!

I found out with my first and loved knowing. It made me feel more bonded to baby, decide on a name and even begin calling him it. When he then arrived suddenly at 29 weeks I was so glad I knew because it was the one thing I felt prepared for. Now, with my second, the hospital have a policy not to say (different hospital). Because I'm high risk I'm having A LOT of scans (at least 12) so getting another private one just to know the sex seems silly. So far though I've not enjoyed not knowing. I've found it more difficult to connect with baby and wish I did know. Maybe the surprise on the day will be nice, we will see, but so far I'd recommend finding out.

We found out both times and told people . It's not really a proper surprise is it? I mean it's either a girl or a boy! In any case you just get the 'surprise' at 20 weeks or 40 weeks.

I don’t get this mindset. It’s still a surprise whether it’s at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. We chose not to find out because I was scared I would be disappointed

Surely it's still a surprise whenever you find out?? I found out with all three of mine - there's enough uncertainty and things to think about in pregnancy (at least there was in mine!) without adding to the mix. Plus we never would have been able to agree on two possible names!!
I really don't get it when people say finding out has "ruined" it for them. Perspective is needed!

We found out and booked a private scan at 17 weeks to do so! We really wanted to know and it was still a surprise, just a little earlier than some others find out. For me I think finding out we were having a boy helped me bond with the little thing inside me, we call him by his name etc but it's whatever the parents want to do x

I think it’s rude for other people to make judgments or try to influence how you want to handle it. Pregnancy can be a difficult time, and either knowing or not knowing is a harmless choice that might help people get through it.

I’m not generally an outspoken person, but I’d be really tempted to say something back to people like that. I’d tell them that actually they’re the only ones ruining anything for me with their attitude.

It isn't wrong (or right). It is just a personal preference. I have three children and never found out for any of them. It was a conscious decision that I didn't want to know in advance. But I don't care if other people choose/chose to find out.

I'm surprised that the grannies have such strong feelings about it. But I'm frequently surprised at how invested grannies get in their grandchildren (or grandchildren to be) and their capacity to forget what might be appropriate in terms of their opinions and the voicing of them.

I expect your mothers would have felt differently if the opportunity was available to them when they were pregnant. Ignore them. Don't let their opinions influence your decisions!

I've had both - found out at 20 weeks and birth. I much preferred finding out. The best bit about birth is meeting the actual baby, not learning about their genitalia.

DH very strongly didn't want to find out and in fact our hospital won't tell you (or didn't then, at any rate). And out of the 6 couples in our NCT group, only one knew what they were having.

Don't buy into genderization, OP! Embrace all colours!!

It's not something I've done or ever would do, but it's completely your choice. I'm 38 weeks now with my first and we chose not to find out. I've had lots of people say "oh lovely, well done on not finding out!" Which I find strange too!
I just wanted the surprise at the birth. There's very few real surprises left in life I think.
I also don't understand the need to find out so people can be organised- I've never been more organised in my life and we've got some beautiful unisex bits, and really looking forward to going out and getting some boys or girls bits with baby in their pushchair when they get here.

I found out with all of mine but only because after having one of each inwanted to kno ami having another girl 🤞🏻 - ot was boy and i love him to bits then next time i was like pleaseeee b girl and it was 😃 if i do it again i wonr find out i dont have any yearning for particular sex now 😊 its up to u my parenrs and oh parents said the same but as soon we knew they begged to kno 🤣

I think either is absolutely fine and can’t see why anybody has an opinion on other people’s choices.

I was desperate to know - I am impatient, hate surprises, wanted to focus on names and buy gender-specific clothes etc.

I felt the same this time. Additionally I wanted to do preparation work with DC1 who was adamant they only wanted a sister!!

Oh gosh how ridiculous ! Are you carrying the baby and giving birth or DM & MIL? Tell them to get over it & if they want a surprise to get pregnant themselves 😁

If I had NO option and could not know the gender I would buy the bare minimum and then order next day delivery once it was born there is literally hardly any clothes that to me are gender neutral 😂

Entirely your choice, but you do find others are oddly invested in it! We found out but told people we didn't, until DH broke and said we knew. The amount of people who congratulated me like I'd made the superior moral choice when they thought we didn't know was irritating. I also don't get being 'prepared' it was just available information about my baby that I wanted to have.
If you want to know, great, if you don't, also great. Either way your child's personality is entirely unknown.

Totally up to the individual, it makes no difference when you find out. There are so many things to find out at the birth that you won't miss out on anything!

I didn't find out with either of mine and still managed to prepare everything and bond with them just fine, never really understood the thought process behind that one myself.

I’m sure it’s polite chatter but I agree a lot of people can come across as overly invested. Having decided not to find out a lot of people say “well done, that’s nice” and then immediately ask if I have “a feeling” about what it is and then go on and on and on another how I MUST have a hunch.

I don’t. And if I was bothered I’d have found out.

We found out last week at the 20 week scan, I’ve had A LOT of noise about ruining the surprise etc etc. To be honest, I had an extra scan at 17 weeks for an unrelated reason and was sure I’d seen the sex. From that point, I felt so much more at ease with the whole pregnancy, that I might have this particular baby rather than the total unknown. And it was the gender I thought I’d seen so really I already knew. I’m not interested in gender based clothing, and am going to keep to the neutrals. But for me it helped me go from feeling like detached from the pregnancy to really quite bonded with the little one.