Opinions on finding out what sex you are expecting?

[Habbs]

After DH & I decided to find out the sex of our little one due in a few months time, both our mothers have said that it's wrong to find out and that we aren't to ruin the surprise for them. I was very surprised as hadn't thought it was something people would have an issue with, but I'm surprised how many people have said I've "ruined the surprise for myself"
Just wondering what others peoples thoughts are, are you for or against? We found out just for practical reasons really, it wont be pink and blue everything but I didn't want to buy unisex everything for no real reason.

Your baby your choice.
I didn't find out with my first three pregnancies but did with my fourth (and didn't tell anyone even dh that I knew) it really didn't make any difference. It's still a surprise to meet your baby and see who they look like, what colour hair that's have etc...

I don't get all the hype about the surprise. It's not much of a surprise anyway, it's either a boy or a girl, but surely it's a "surprise" no matter when you find out. I found out with both of mine because it would have got on my nerves knowing I could have found out and didn't, bitim a very impatient person

I’ve been called boring by someone for finding out because it’s apparently way less exciting to find out the sex! This is our first DC so we felt like we wanted to know and were excited enough about having a baby without needing the ‘surprise’ at the end, we are still just as excited to be having a boy :)

I've experienced both knowing and not knowing. I much preferred knowing. It's very exciting finding out at the scan and having time to enjoy it and being able to plan names and buy things. The surprise at birth got completely lost in the moment and was the last thing on my mind.
You do what's right for you and what you want to do. It's personal choice and you shouldn't feel guilted whatever you choose.

I don't understand the stresses or comments from people who say "you are ruing the surprise".

Surely it is still a surprise but you find out at 20 weeks instead of 40?

Anyway... I would and will always find out but it is a personal choice for the parents and nobody else

We didn’t find out with DS and won’t be finding out this time (too late now anyway), but I can completely understand why people do! Yes you can be equally prepared with stuff finding out or not but it’s a huge thing and knowing can help you to prepare in a different way. It’s not right or wrong. For us we want to wait as it’s fun guessing and there are so few surprises these days it’s nice for us to draw this one out for as long as possible, but that’s just us!

We found out, we are expecting a girl. If any of my family suggested I'd ruined the surprise for them, I'd have been pretty pissed. A lot of people forget it's not their baby or experience.

I've got no issue with others not finding out (fair play to them), but I'm a big planner and an organiser, so wanted to get started. Also, like you, I didn't want to go out and buy unisex, to then by specific things once they were born. A lot of people have said to me that it works out more expensive finding out what you are having, as you see clothes you want. So far in my experience it's helped us save a LOT, as any friends who have girls have just been passing on their things. Definitely not making things more expensive.

It’s your body, your pregnancy and your baby. It’s your decision. It’s got sweet f-all to do with anyone else. I would say straight out to anyone who insinuated I would be ruining “their” surprise, that their attitude stinks. Asking nicely not to be told, fair enough. But surely they would want to share in your exciting news?? We aren’t finding out, it’s our first, until he or she makes an appearance, but as others have said you’re going to find out at 20 or 40 weeks and it’s only gonna be male or female!

This is our first baby and we decided not to find out, my partners idea which I was totally up for at the beginning now I really wish I knew! But at the same time I know it will be a lovely surprise when he/she is born.
I will however definitely be finding out next time!
I am 28 weeks and know for a fact if my partner said tomorrow shall we go find out id say yes 🙈

I don't think it's much of a 'surprise' either way, it's not like the baby is born with a name and out of all the millions of names you'll find out what it is- that'd be a surprise. It's a boy or a girl. I did find out with both my dc's, I wanted to because I hated being pregnant but wanted a child so finding out made them more 'real', I could then imagine that girl/ boy (I had one of each) as a baby, a person who I'd love. If relatives don't want to know just don't tell them, don't let them guilt you as though you're wrong for wanting to know when it's so easy to do nowadays!

I didn’t find out either time and I feel quite strongly about this but I’m not sure I can say why! When the babies were born and I was told the sex it was amazing, I don’t know how it would have felt if I’d already known, I assume good but in a different way.
If you are not the parents I definitely think there’s an element of no surprise - when I’ve known workmates for example the announcement is a bit more flat - I’m just pleased they’ve had a healthy baby though.

I regret it. I had a caesarean too, so knew the sex and date in advance. Like a planned.birthday present .

Whenever I announce my pregnancy or someone congratulates me after they've found out from someone else, they ask me if I know the sex yet. When I tell them that I don't know yet but should do in a few weeks many have reacted with "Don't you want a surprise?". I find it so weird that they want to know but don't expect me to want to know!
I'm sure a surprise at birth is lovely and I'm not bothered about clothes as want unisex stuff really, but I am very impatient and as we've had names picked out for 2 years I want to know which we're using. We still get a surprise but in 4 weeks!

I found out the sex of my DS when I was pregnant. I had already decided from the beginning I was going to find out, but when the time came and she asked me if I wanted to know it was on the tip of my tongue to say no!
It was only for the fact I had 2 very excited people there with me to find out that I did say yes, but I easily could of gone the rest of the time not knowing.
It's all down to personal preference really. Think maybe aswell the older generation didn't have the choice because it weren't allowed years ago to tell the gender of the baby so maybe that's why they have that perspective on it, they only had 1 experience with it and that was to not know

With DC1 we chose not to (more my preference than DH, he wasn’t fussed either way!). I was excited to be pregnant and expecting our first child but I also found elements of it overwhelming - I was asked so many questions by other people (family, friends, family friends...!) and a big question was always about whether we would find out the sex, how they needed to know the sex to buy a gift etc. I appreciated the thought, but whatever the sex I wasn’t planning on a massively gendered household and I decided not to find out. I knew that if I knew, I’d end up telling people out of excitement, but I just didn’t want to go there! I found it easier to just not know.

With DC2 firstly there was less intense interest, in part because I didn’t tell loads of people (I’m talking those less close to me) and just let it become known naturally when I developed a huge bump. That time around with less intensity and already having one, I felt much more relaxed and found out. Helped us with narrowing down names!

I’m pregnant with DC3 and will be finding out, I’m in a very different environment now so I think the questions will be slightly fewer. Mainly so DH and I can sort name and tell our older DC whether they’re having a brother or sister (DC1 is insisting this is his baby so whilst I’m reminding him that it is in fact his sibling, I’d quite like to reinforce that with “this is your brother/sister, like DC2” ).

We found out the sex with both of ours for our own reasons but haven't come across anyone objecting to knowing - usually people beg us to tell them.

In your shoes I'd probably go along with it or be a bit of a wind up and "accidentally" hint at the other sex so when baby was born and it was the opposite of what they were expecting it really would be a surprise!

Didnt find out with first pregnancy and now pregnant with second and didnt find out again.
I have friends who just wanted to find out so that they were more organised and one friend said it helped her bond better with the baby when she knew the gender.
For me , I feel life can be predictable enough at times and wanted that Hollywood moment at the birth of 'its a boy/girl!'. It was so special when I found out I had a healthy baby son at my first birth. Most of my family said they were glad I didnt find out because it makes the impending birth more exciting as they cant wait to know what the gender is. All the guessing is fun beforehand too!
Also I knew that if I found out, I would be out spending a fortune on clothes whereas you're limited with gender neutral things so dont buy that much, I got SO much gifts anyway so I was glad. I did bring 1 girly type sleepsuit and a boyish one with me to the hospital and it meant I could just give whatever one I didnt use to another expecting Mum friend.
I did have a strong feeling the first time I was having a boy and was right. This time I dont have as strong a feeling so Im really excited to find out!
Each to their own though. I think a lot of the older generation still like the surprise of finding out after the birth.

I had to find out - couldn’t wait!

DH didn’t want to know so I didn’t tell him. Not hard to keep it a secret. Done it 4 times now.

It’s up to you - there is no right or wrong way. It’s a surprise whenever you’re told.

I’d had 3 miscarriages before DS, and it took 3 years of waiting to have him in our arms. When they told us all was well on the 20 week scan we just wanted to know :) I thought about my little boy from then on 💙

We didn't find out with our first - our choice though MIL made it clear that she would very much disapprove of we did find out - honestly kept going on and on about it all through the pregnancy even when we told her we were past the point of being able to find out 🙄.

We were convinced that we were having a boy (looking back not sure why) so when we had a girl it was very much a surprise.

The funny/irritating thing for me was MIL had made the baby a blanket before DD was born which was very much suited to a boy rather than a girl and on giving it to DD she said "I'm sorry it's not very girly but we didn't know what we were having" I had to bite my tongue to stop myself for saying both you were one of the biggest supporters for us not finding and and also she is our baby not yours!!!!
We are talking about if we find out with number 2. At the moment we are leaning towards finding out as although we have quite a bit of gender neutral stuff there is quite a bit of stuff I can sell/donate if we have a boy second time around to save storing it in the loft and having to dispose of it when we have a new born again.

At the end of the day it's your choice. If we find out with number 2 we will tell people if we want to - MIL may not want to know but I suspect if she knows we know and my parents know (they are happy with whatever we decide) that she won't want to be the only one who doesn't know 🤦🏼‍♀️

I found out with dd and it helped me feel more prepared and bonded to the baby. Nearly 17 weeks with dc2 and we'll be finding out again.

It's not up to the grandparents what you do. This is your child and your decision. Do what you want xx

It's completely personal choice, i think maybe for the older generation as they had no choice over finding out its completley normal for them to think people would want to find out when they are born. I never even thought about not finding out with my 2, not for any other reason than i was too excited to know.
Practically it then makes it easier to buy things, obviously everything doesnt have to be pink and blue but if you really liked a pink frilly pushchair for example you might not purchase that if you were having a boy lol. I've been able to choose a name and refer to the baby by that name and i think it's lovely when they are born and you get to put a face to the name you have been calling them :) i'm sure its just as lovely waiting until you give birth for that surprise but for me not knowing would drive me insane!
Plus my mum was more excited to know than me, if i hadnt of found out she'd have gone insane first!

We haven't found out, this is our first baby and I know it sounds cliché but as long as bubba is happy and healthy we don't mind what we have. We did struggle to find clothes that weren't blue or pink but then we decided that as we only need enough for the first few days it didn't matter, we just got a lot of white baby grows and sleep suits, once bubba arrives and we know the sex as well as the baby's weight, hubby will go and get more.

My mum will message me when I have a scan and say 'just find out the sex' but then I know she is just joking and we laugh it off. I think its personal choice. Like you say, some people want to know for practical reasons, specially if its baby no 2 or more so you know whether to re-use stuff you got for the 1st baby.

tbh this whole pregnancy when people have asked me what I am having, when I tell them we didn't find out, every single person has expressed their delight in the fact that we've kept it a surprise. my sister found what she was having but she told everyone that tthey didn't find out. That way then were able to know what to get but not have anyone else know.

It is your baby and the choice to let everyone know is entirely yours. As I say as cliché but as long as bubba is happy and healthy,t hats all that should matter to them

It’s so personal - you do whatever you like! I don’t get the whole ‘spoiling the surprise’ thing, but equally I totally understand why a couple might not want to find out.

Personally me and my DH wants to find out but don’t want to tell anyone. Mainly because I’m a bit anxious and superstitious and I don’t want to go telling people ‘I’m having a baby girl/boy’ at a stage when the baby probably wouldn’t even be able to survive outside my body. Also I get so annoyed with people’s sexist generalisations: ‘boys are more loving! Girls are more hassle!’ etc. But my friends and relatives and even my colleagues have reacted badly to the idea that I might keep it to myself. One of my friends called it ‘attention seeking’ (honestly in our case the intention is the opposite!)