Doing it alone

[SLEm]

I'm 5month, 2 weeks, and my partner has just walked out on me. He just couldn't give up the party lifestyle, and after disappearing in the middle of the night on NYE while I was sleeping, and not coming home for 2 days, I told him I couldn't forgive him. He's finally left and although I'm devastated, I know it's probably for the best for me and my child.

How do other people cope on their own?
Emotionally, financially?
I even think I'll probably be alone for the birth.

Any advice welcome.

My goodness that is tough.

Well, financially he still needs to support his child.

Do you have friends or family for emotional support?

See what is out there in your area for pregnant women, single parents and any other group you fit into.

You will find some support, I believe. But you probably need to really look for it locally, e.g. an independent advice centre might help you know what you are entitled to benefits wise.

Are you working? Can work help you with your materiyku leave rights etc.

Good luck.

I did it, a good friend just did it.
It's ok so don't worry, it is a wonderful gift to concentrate on just you and your child without having to worry about the needs of your ex.
It's wonderful to be able to enjoy your beautiful baby, every second without a jealous manchild in the way or worse.
It helps you bond to your baby and feel close to him/her.
There is all the time in the world for relationships but when your baby is born you need the time to discover each other.
I loved every second.

And I managed financially, you cut your cloth.

madcatladyforever It's wonderful to be able to enjoy your beautiful baby, every second ...'
Beautiful

My ex walked away when i was 4 months pregnant... my ds will be 4 in june. Its been hard no doubt about it but its been so much easier than if my ex hadnt left

Thank you for your support and words of advice ladies.

I'm 22 weeks and my partner who wanted us to have our first baby has done the same the week before Christmas I'm devastated/shocked and feel so depressed so I can't help but I hope it will get easier. When are you due? X

I'm 23 weeks, due in may.
I'm sorry to hear about your partner.
On one hand I feel it might be better for me and baby in the long run, on the other hand I'm devastated that my baby won't have a "family"

@SLEm I'm due 8th may. Do you have family support ? Not being a family is what's upset me the most too especially as we both decided to try for a baby. I'm just hoping the next few months fly by and I feel happy when baby is here. It's disgusting what they'v done but true colours shown.

Hi OP,

I am single mum, mine were 3&6 months when their dad left.(20 years ago now) It's hard and tiring, but also great. You get to enjoy and take credit for everything brilliant about them. At the moment you feel like the world has split down the middle and can understand why. However, try and think of it like this. How helpful would someone who would do this be to you and your child? My guess is not very.

My next tip is to try and build/ rebuild any bridges you need/ want to with family and friends who can help out, now and after the birth.

Find free groups in your area, church notice boards can be good as well as the midwfe appts obviously and nearly new sales.

Go to CAB and find out what you can claim. Take all you are entitled to, you can pay back in later

If you haven't already buy a slow cooker. It can make cheap tasty meals that you can bang in when the baby is asleep.

Wishing you all the best ! xx

@Sparkles1992 how are you getting on? I'm on week 3 and still struggling. I went to buy my baby's nursery furniture today, I went to mamma's & Pappa's there was an event on, it was soul destroying looking at all the dad's walking round, excited for their babies.

I know exactly that feeling, my whole excitement has gone and that makes me so sad because I felt on top of the world last month! I've booked a private scan for in 5 weeks time, then I have another hosp one 5 weeks later at 36 weeks & then I'm due 5 weeks later, hoping it will all come around quickly. I'm praying nothing else will be important once my boy is born. I'd like to say it's got easier but it hasn't, I went back to work after 4 weeks and paint a brace face on then the tears come the minute I get home. Do you live alone? X

@Sparkles1992, yes I live alone, I cry as soon as I get home from work every day. I've had no time off, as I don't want work to know my situation. I have t told my friends, as I keep thinking he might come back to me one day, but it's starting to look like that won't happen.
My mum says everything will change once the baby arrives, and I won't care if I'm alone, but it just seems like forever away. Xx

It's not that long away but I know what you mean, I'm just wishing the weeks away. I don't live alone but I was due to move in with him this month how old are you? I understand why you've not told many people but it might help to talk about it, everyone will be supportive, it's the lowest of the low what they've done and I bet you never imagined it happening to you, I never in a million years expected it. It's like something you hear about someone else's life isn't it? I've felt angry at him today, I miss him loads but I'm trying to be rational and think that if he didn't do it now it would have been when baby is born.

I just keep trying to think that what's meant for me won't pass me by and everything happens for a reason, our little babies are meant to come to us and we will be happy again in the future with the right person xx

@Sparkles1992 it's great that you don't live alone, you might feel like you want your own space, but being around people is probably a good thing.
I'm struggling on my own, and can't even jump in the car to go see friends/family, as my ex sold my car a few months ago as we got a new family car, which is in his name so I now have no car.
I'm 33, have an ok job, and own my own flat but all that feels pointless right now. Xx

I really feel for you being alone 😞 make sure you call your mum, my mums been brilliant. I'm 26 & he lives a 2 minute walk from my house which isn't ideal, although at the moment he seems to have gone awol. Do you feel any better when you get in bed? I seem to try and be rational and give myself a pep talk on how I'm going to be ok, I think of all the crap hes done, and how he's chosen this situation and made bad choices for our 'family'.. I feel myself thinking I can do this without him but come the morning I miss him terribly the minute I wake up, and I think how can I physically do another day of this pain. I swear I'd rather feel labour right now than this heart ache ! Xx

How are you doing @SLEm ? X

@Sparkles1992, I'm doing ok, 10 weeks and counting. How are you? Xx

@SLEm I'm ok too thanks, just wish the circumstances were different! 9+5 weeks to go the weeks seem to be flying by and I don't feel prepared for labour. I know if all this stress had not happened I'd be really researching and going to ante natal classes solely focusing on labour. Feel as though I have been robbed of embracing my pregnancy as I had so many plans. When are you finishing work? X

Hi ladies I'm currently 35 weeks with baby number 5. I too am doing this alone, how ever I wanted to say this isn't the first time I've had to go it alone as my first ds's dad was an arse who flaked out. And honestly I know how painful it is when they walk away without a care in the world and your left not only with a broken heart b
Ut to pick up the pieces of a shattered life you had such dreams for. But it really does get better and you will soon realise it was their loss, when you see that beautiful baby for the first time every thing else will pale in comparison (there will be moments you long to share it with the selfish bastard but in time you will realise they don't deserve that chance after walking away) I'm not sayingnits easy on your own but it really is worth it when they first smile or reach those milestones and you know that is completely down to you. Good luck you can do this, your stronger than you think

I did it, I’ll be honest the pregnancy was really hard, too much emotionally. But the moment my LO arrived i was so chuffed. I had PND and PNA previously but with this one it all got better the moment they were born. Maybe my expectations were just lower 😂

Thanks @Smellbellina and @Exhaustedmummy1811 it's nice to hear positive stories I'm just hoping it all improves when my LO arrives. It's been so hard wanting to share the pregnancy with him and not being able to and I know I'll feel the same when he's born but definitely his loss. He's already threatened me with court once he's born, he's ruined my pregnancy and I feel like he's going to ruin my first few months of being a new mum too. He thinks I should hand him over in his car seat and express milk so he can take him!

Wow he sounds like a prize prick, do not tell him when baby is born, register baby as a single parent and do not give baby the fathers surname. This will mean he has no legal rights. Can you not cut all contact with him? This is stress you just don't need, I'm sorry

@Exhaustedmummy1811 I have ignored his last 6 messages, he left me the week before xmas and I didn't hear off him until last week (before that I had texted him first). We were together five years and this is so out of character I feel as though I've really misjudged him as a person of he's capable of this. I want to do all of what you suggested I'm just worried it will look bad on me if he goes to court, but I genuinely don't feel he would have a clue about a newborns needs and I also don't think he deserves any rights after the pain he's put me through leading to all kinds of stress related illness! 2 months off work and a lot of antibiotics and dehydration! I wish he knew the extent of the pain he's caused but he never will! My little boy is definitely having my surname! How long ago was it you went through this? X

@Exhaustedmummy1811 sorry just seen you are 35 weeks! Have you cut all contact? I think it's for the best as it causes so much pain and stress doesn't it.