Doing it alone

[SLEm]

I'm 5month, 2 weeks, and my partner has just walked out on me. He just couldn't give up the party lifestyle, and after disappearing in the middle of the night on NYE while I was sleeping, and not coming home for 2 days, I told him I couldn't forgive him. He's finally left and although I'm devastated, I know it's probably for the best for me and my child.

How do other people cope on their own?
Emotionally, financially?
I even think I'll probably be alone for the birth.

Any advice welcome.

Have you kept all the messages he has sent you? They will be evidence of harrasment and being difficult with you. These will go against him in court and you can say that's the reason for not putting him on the birth certificate. Plus you can say he walked away and wasn't very supportive and you weren't convinced he would be consistent plus he was making threats so you didn't feel safe. There isn't a court in the land that would think your a bad mother for that as your just protecting your child. Please don't give him any legal rights until he proves he deserves them.
The reason I'm doing it alone this time is very different and a very sensitive reason, I don't want to say too much incase it's upsetting for some people. I didn't find out till I was almost 16 weeks (although that may have been denial) it took me a while to get my head round but I'm very happy and excited to meet my little lady and I love her just as much as the others. Her father is the lowest of the lowest and will never have contact with her which I think makes it easier to accept doing it on my own. My family are a great support though

I'm glad you're excited for your little girl, she's lucky to have all of her siblings! Knowing that he won't have any access to her must be such a relief! I have a great sister and mum thank goodness! Don't know what I would have done without them. I have a niece and 2 nephews as well so my little boy will have them. I just hope I get the opportunity to have more babies as I wanted a few and now I feel I'll be a single mum forever! People keep saying not to be silly as I'm 26 & there's plenty of time for more but I just wanted to feel settled and content and now I feel that I'll have to start again and even just getting to know other men horrifies me!

I will keep texts but to be honest he's been very clever and not put the mean things in texts they've been in person or over the phone and then in texts he's asking me to be civil ! So it makes him look good which winds me up even more. I've ignored the last few now because it leads to me getting stressing and arguing with him and it makes me look bad and him good I think it's so unfair that they get to walk away and then demand you hand your baby over, I don't want to miss a minute with my LO!

Thanks for your advice x

Are you planning to breast feed? That's the perfect excuse not to hand baby over, you need to establish a routine and get used to feeding, if you speak to any health care professional they will tell you it's absurd to expect a newborn to be away from its mother. I'd just laugh at your ex and tell your happy to meet in town so he can see his son but he won't be taking him any where until you feel comfortable to do so. Let him take it to court no one would make you hand over a small baby until both you and baby are ready. But please don't put him on the birth certificate, if it goes to court a dna will be needed but that will just mean you have a bit longer before he has unsupervised contact. Once he is paying regular and proving he can stick to contact then a court will look into things but it's too soon to be handing him over. I think things will work out OK for you just don't let this man get in your head or bully you, he can make all the threats he wants it will end up back firing on him. I'm glad you have a good support network in place though, get your mum or sister to lay down the law to him if you don't feel strong enough

As for finding someone else and settling down I used to feel the same and honestly once your feeling more like your self and your settled in a routine you will feel ready to look again, you may find an idiot or 2 along the way but you will find some who deserves both you and your son just don't rush it. I'm 32 now so you are far from too old to have any more babies, and women much older than me are still having children. Nothing is impossible if we want it enough. I promise things do get easier and you will feel differently just give it time, your going through so much right now and that can cloud your thinking x

Thanks @Exhaustedmummy1811 feel more positive now, I'm unsure on breast feeding got a class next week to find out more info on it before I make a decision. My mum and sister had a word with him and he blamed them as a reason behind why we broke up saying I shouldn't have got family involved! They had watched me get so stressed and end up sick and had had enough, he then told my mums partner that he's stopped all his friends coming & having words with me... whatever that even means! Making himself out to be the good guy! I was in hosp yesterday with reduced movement so trying to de stress I'm worried baby will be picking up on how I'm feeling your advice has been great, It's so hard not to worry about the future but I suppose I just have to take each day as it comes! I thought this would be such a special time in my life awaiting my first baby's arrival but it's been horrendous!

When are you due? X

It sounds like a nightmare, it's no wonder your so stressed. I know it's easier said than done but please try to put him out your mind, block him if you need to. Just enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy and the first few weeks of baby's life before you give him any more head space, you owe him nothing at this point. I hope your feeling a bit better after being at the hospital.
I'm actually due 3rd of April but my pregnancy has been a roller-coaster of stress, my waters went at 29 weeks so they are taking baby sometime in the next 2 weeks but they haven't given me a date yet x

Oh wow, your little lady will soon be here! I bet that was a scary experience! My sisters waters went at 30 weeks and my nephew is doing great now! It's a scary time, I bet you can't wait until it's all over now good luck and keep us updated! X

Thank you, I'll definitely keep you updated. It has been a very scary 6 weeks, lots of questions and not many answers and lots of possible different out comes. I'm most worried about another section as little lady is breech and won't turn with no fluid. I'm petrified of the recovery as my last one was so difficult. I have a scan and consultant appointment on Monday so hopefully I will get some proper answers then x

Hopefully with lots of support from your family you will get through the recovery better this time if you do have a section @Exhaustedmummy1811 you're nearly at the end now 🎀💖 I can't imagine how stressful it must have been when your waters went so early! My sister had my nephew at my gestation now and I can't imagine going into labour now! I feel so unprepared. I'm planning to go to some ante natal classes soon, I didn't want to go as I thought they would be full of happy couples but I will have to get over it and go as I think it will help me prepare x

Also good luck for Monday @Exhaustedmummy1811 hopefully all will be positive and you'll have more idea of when your LO will be making her appearance! X

I've had to prepare very quickly for this one, you just assume you have ages. Apart from one all my other babies were late so I sort of assumed this would be the same. It has been stressful and worrying but I am so glad it's almost over now. I am so exhausted all the time, nausea is back, I'm very u comfortable and not sleeping, lots of aches and pains. So I am very ready to have my body back now. At 37 weeks your classed as being term so at least I know if baby were to come in the next week or so she should be absolutely fine and not have to spend any/ or very little time in nicu. I'll let you know how I get on Monday and keep me updated on any progress with you and your lo x

I can imagine! And after five pregnancies I bet you've had enough of being pregnant, I feel like I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy how I would have so I will actually miss my bump when it's gone! I love feeling him move about too but in 9 weeks time I will prob be desperate to get him out haha. Good luck today at your apt hope it goes well and you get more of an idea when she will be arriving! Do you have a name for her?

I will keep you updated x