AIBU at feeling upset for being bump-shamed at Xmas dinner?

[Monipop84]

I don't want to be a total snowflake, but I am feeling so sad/upset right now. I kept very active for the first trimester (trained for and ran a half marathon at 13 weeks!), then kept on going to the gym in the second trimester. True, on our babymoon to Belgium (end of 2nd trimester) I ate loads, and I might have had too many mince pies lately, but it's Christmas damn! So I was totally taken aback when both my mother and MIL kind of ganged up bump-shaming me on Xmas day. Mother: - Oh I looked like that when I was 9 months! - MIL: - Oh yes, I hadn't seen her for 2 weeks, I left her slim and found her back so fat! - (she actually said fat). I am only 5'1 and realistically there is no where for bump to go but out. Should I be concerned about my size? Already feeling quite down as I spent 3 days in hospital for a blood clot and having injections twice a day....

Are they supermodels themselves? If not, maybe a 'well at least I've got an excuse of the baby's with a withering look. Poor you :-(

Yeah. My uncle commented that I look very big for my dates (just under 15 weeks 2 days ago - probably look more like 25). I said that I am and that this is because I am fat (there’s a fat bump already there, and it’s being pushed out by the baby bump, with impressive results!).

He wouldn’t let it go, and shortly insisted that the word “fecund” was what I was looking for. So I told him to fec off.

It sounds like you are doing much better than I on the not being fat thing. It could be argued that I should listen to the people who are hassling me (actually only my uncle; even Mother’s not started, which is a first for her) because I am actually fat, but what’s the point in that? You and your body are doing your thing, and it is probably exactly what it needs to be. Ignore the haters, and just enjoy your bump. It’s so exciting to have one (even when, if you’re me, it’s largely fraudulent!) (as it were).

He wouldn’t let it go, and shortly insisted that the word “fecund” was what I was looking for. So I told him to fec off

I've had this. I even got measured by MW and my bump is slightly big, but not as bad as people made out. Ignore them. They were big once too. I'm 5'3, so a baby in my tummy is going to look bigger than a 5'8 person with the same.

It sounds like you'd lose the weight quickly after birth, given you're already active. They will probably start commenting on how thin you are then....

You can always say "I'm having a baby, that's my excuse, what's yours?" That will shut em up!

I had this - but the other way round
Being shamed for having a small bump ‘you can’t be eating enough’ ‘you must eat’ I was being sick 10x a day hardly my own fault.
My mum barely had a bump on me, and I actually was a stone lighter the day before I gave birth than I was on my booking in appointment as I was so sick.

I feel for you I don’t know why people think because your pregnant your body becomes something to comment on!

I had this the opposite way - I'm 5ft 11 and was wearing normal trousers until 36 weeks. Baby was 9lb when he was born and very long (tall like me I guess). But all the way through I was told I wasn't looking after baby properly as he clearly wasn't growing. He just had lots of space to spread out as I'm tall. Second pregnancy now and exactly the same. FIL said last night it's not healthy for the baby that I'm not bigger. Note I had no sickness, been eating loads, ate a huge dinner in front of them last night. You can't win either way - just ignore them all!

They were both rude and unkind.

The day after I gave birth to DD my DM walked in as I was trying to breastfeed and my stomach was exposed. She said "Why are you still so fat, you gave birth yesterday?!" She's a complete arsehole.

Is your MIL French? (you used a phrase that’s a translation of a French way of saying something). My French MIL was incredibly scathing about my weight throughout and after pregnancy (I’m normally tiny). It seems to be a massive deal to keep you weight low and lose any immediately after pregnancy. She was horrified that I didn’t care...

I’ve always been big, constantly battling my weight.
When I pregnant, I barely put any weight on and had a small bump.
Everyone was like ‘ooo you’ve not put much weight on, have you?!’ Or ‘oh you’ve done well’. Their suprise really pissed me off, like because I’ve always been fat they just expected me to pile it on.
Got on my wick in the end. I don’t know why people have to have an opinion on everyone else’s business.

@Hulahulahula: MIL is very English, I am Italian though (perhaps that's why I used a weird phrase?)

Anyways, I had a bit of a rant (with some added tears) with DM this morning. She was upset that I was upset, but I defused the escalation promptly. It still felt good to get this off my chest, she can be v insensitive, normally with her I just let it go and suck it up, but I was too hormonal/tired/stressed this time.

I explained to her it's not ok to just go and tell pregnant ladies they're huge. Her reply: "Why not? It's meant in a positive way". Yea right

I'd have crammed a huge mince pie into my mouth in front of them and then had three helpings. bastards.

@madcatladyforever: haha you're right of all the days to make someone feel self conscious about their weight, Xmas day is really the worst!

Your Mother and MIL have serious issues with their own bodies that they are taking out on you. You're growing a human, as long as you are healthy and happy wtf does your bump size or weight matter.

Tell them both to F off

Pleased you said something to dm, all this 'ignore it' when people are being mean gets on my nerves. If someone is being hurtful, tell them so. You don't have to ignore it at all. Get them told and if they don't like it, tough.

OP I can’t tell you how enormous my bumps were. I carried a ridiculous amount of water and my bumps (especially
DS2) were almost comedic by 26 weeks!

Eat the food and visualise sticking two fingers up at your MIL with every delicious bite

Had exactly the same thing yesterday when I reached over the table to reach another (😬) roast potato and dipped my bump in the dinner! Cue endless laughter from the whole table. I just sat feeling my baby kick knowing that he or she is happy in there x

You ignore them! Eat what you want. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is without people making you feed bad about yourself. I’m almost 39 weeks and honestly the next person that says something remotely mean to me is likely to get slapped! I am so grumpy and hormonal 😂

@Booboostwo that's so rude as well. I am expecting a girl and I just can't see of how on earth I could be mean/unsupportive like our DMs have been to us

You really can't win when you're pregnant , I was always too small then when I started to show the same people told me I was too big and it happened too quickly

Enjoy every second with that "big" bump because I miss mine so much and wished I'd treasured mine a bit more!

I was never ashamed of my huge size when pregnant. I’d just smile and say “I’m so lucky he’s growing so well and perfectly healthily”.
You are SUPPOSED to get big, you’re growing a small person plus all their life support system. Be proud.

Tell them to do one. People think pregnancy gives them the right to make all sorts of comments that you wouldn't dare make before, especially other women.
And please also ignore anyone telling you to not be sensitive about it - you're pregnant, there's no such thing as not being sensitive.

One of the things that has struck me about becoming a parent is how I have reviewed a lot of the things that happened to me as a child. Mainly thinking “How could anyone do this to a child?!”

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don’t stop yourself from telling relatives how rude and unkind they are being.

What a drama

Although I did lol at 'bump shaming' and 'baby moon'

I'm 26 weeks and my DH's side of the family are constantly saying how huge I am, even worrying 'is she meant to be that big??' 😮

I weigh less now than I did at the beginning of my pregnancy with DS 🤷🏼‍♀️ and my bump is smaller!

Ignore them. Being pregnant makes people think they can have free reign on talking about your weight / bump - touching your bump. Urgh.

There is a baby growing in there. What do they expect?!

What's wrong with people, you've been in hospital with a fucking blood clot and people are calling you fat? Jesus.

I honestly think people forget
how big most women actually get towards the end. People's idea of 'heavily pregnant' is actually 6 months pregnant.