I have the sex of my baby in an envelope and it's driving me crazy!

[rollerskaterdata]

Since finding out I’m pregnant DH and I have been adamant we want to stay team yellow. He still is 100% but as the weeks have passed I’ve been wavering more and more, to the point where last week I booked a private sexing scan during a moment of weakness when I thought I wanted to find out the sex rather than staying team yellow. Since booking it I changed my mind (again!) but went to the scan which was this week anyway so as not to waste money as they don't give refunds. I asked them to find out the sex but not tell me or DH and instead write in on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope (they told us when to look anyway at the appropriate times when they were doing the scan). So now I have an envelope in my house burning a hole in my wardrobe that contains the sex of my unborn child.

There are obviously more important things in life to worry about and I feel so silly, but it's driving me crazy, mainly because I can’t make my mind up either way. Just when I think I’m sure of myself and my decision I change my mind. On the one hand I would LOVE a surprise at birth and on the other hand I need to know NOW. I found out with my DS and was totally happy and sold on my decision which is a stark contrast to how I feel now. This may be our last baby and I don’t want to regret not ever having that experience of finding out at birth...but I'm literally dreaming about opening that envelope every night in my sleep! I’m wondering if anyone else can offer some fresh insight or has ever been in this position? (probably not because you’re all sane!)

Oh and I’m 16 and a bit weeks pregnant so a long way off giving birth!

I wouldn't. How many times in your life will you get a surprise like that? Post it to me and I'll send it back after the birth!

Don't do it. Burn it. The surprise on the day is so much more exhilarating than opening an envelope! Having the surprise on the day is made all the better because you get to meet them there and then. You can't do that if you just read it on paper.

Gosh I'd have looked already! I was 'team yellow' with DS, the wondering drove me absolutely mad all pregnancy, then I had such a hideous birth that the 'oh by the way it's a boy' part was just thrown in amongst the chaos and absolutely not worth the wait!

I found out with DD at 20 weeks, it was so lovely to find out in a calm & peaceful moment, I loved it!

I also loved finding out each time during the pregnancy - it made me feel so close to my babies growing inside of me. And it was still a surprise every time!

I'm with TokyoSushi, it's not a guaranteed magical moment! I know plenty of people who've had traumatic births and didn't have that moment. Open the envelope OP! And tell us what it says

After MUCH deliberation, me and OH had it put in an envelope and opened it in a posh restaurant, by a roaring fire on a romantic weekend away. It was a really special moment for us, and I felt better knowing I could control the way I found out about the sex of our baby - in a calm environment, and from my OH. Things NEVER go the way I plan, and birth is unpredictable, so I was determined to do it this way!

I think opening it on Christmas Day sounds lovely. But equally, finding out at the birth will be lovely. Win win situation whatever you do

Giving birth is quite a big surprise anyway. There is so much more to find out about someone the day you meet them than just whether they have a willy.

In our case we found out both times.

With dd I am really glad we did. The birth went wrong and I haemorrhaged and so I don’t remember properly when I took in that they were calling the baby “she” as I drifted in and out of consciousness. But I do have a lovely memory of them telling me that she was a girl at the 20 week scan.

With ds I am more ambivalent. Birth was very easy. Delivered straight onto my stomach and midwife asked we wanted to see if he was a boy or a girl. I remember us checking and had a fleeting thought that it would have been rather lovely to be finding out then. But from a practical point of view it was really useful to know in advance. Meant I could go through all of dd’s old clothes and filter out all the pink stuff and only bought what we needed. If he had been a girl as well then it would have been even better.

If he had been a girl as well then it would have been even better.

From the point of view of saving money buying clothes only! Not that we didn’t want our lovely boy!

I didn't find out first time but did the second. The same as pp, it was partly practical reasons for sorting out old clothes. Both options were good but I think I slightly preferred finding out. We went out for a nice celebratory lunch after the scan and chatted baby names.

Birth is wonderful and it will be whether you know what kind you're having or not. The sex is such a small part of who your baby is, I was more interested to see that they both looked like me

I'm loving all of the stories and varying points of view, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post!

OP, are you the sort of person who'd rather peek at a Christmas present than have a surprise?

@HollowTalk I'd rather have the surprise. I can see where you're going with this 😂 I'm not entirely sure it's quite the same though! 😁

It's exactly the same! It's like the best Christmas Day you could possibly have!

Open it!! 😁😁😁

You have much more self control than me OP! 😘

Will you let us know what you decide OP? :-)

I totally understand the desire to find out at birth and before I got pregnant I was sure this is what I’d do but each time I totally changed my mind and found out in pregnancy
I sort of feel, like pp, that it’s making an overly big deal out of the sex of your child when people insist it’s the biggest part of giving birth. Meeting my children has been an incredible experience and my first thought has always been ‘it’s you!’ - the sex hasn’t been important. Well, I mean of course it has in the sense of knowing during my pregnancy and getting excited about having a boy and thinking about names and feeling close to the baby inside me but it doesn’t become this big ‘thing’ about the day itself. For me, knowing felt more right than having a moment on the day of birth. But obviously it’s highly personal and I really don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer!
Having said that - once I was pregnant I was sure I wanted to know. You sound so torn that maybe your heart isn’t in it and you’d rather wait?

We found out at our 20 week scan. However, I was 99% adamant we were having a boy. The feeling was so strong, I would have bet money on it. I just felt that as I already knew, I didn't want to wait for the confirmation. (And I was right btw )

@HollowTalk he he I see what you mean. I'm still unsure though. I think deep down I want to know now but I'm worrying about being disappointed in my decision and wishing I had waited. It's hard to preempt how you'll feel though at times! All I know is right now, the though of waiting another 23/24 weeks until birth does not make me happy!

I will definitely let everyone know what I decide!

It's a surprise no matter when you find out really.

I am 37+5 and we haven't found out. We've had five scans (various checks on things needed) and at each one we've asked them not to tell us. At no stage have we regretted that - we're just so excited to meet our little one!

I think I'm getting more sure of what I want to do.

I feel like I'm wishing my pregnancy away at the moment just so I can get to the end and find out what I'm having. Like pp have said, it's a surprise whenever you find out, be it during pregnancy or at birth. I really thought I could hold out until then, and really thought I wanted to, but feelings change and right now it's making me miserable. I couldn't wait to get pregnant again after DS because I loved being pregnant and now I am I'm not enjoying it because of this! I think I should find out and actually start enjoying my pregnancy. When DS was born I didn't care what sex he was even though I knew, the most exciting and magical thing was getting to meet him face to face and seeing the beautiful little baby who had been kicking and elbowing me in the flesh! I also personally felt I bonded with him better during pregnancy because I knew what sex he was and got to call him by name.

So it's increasingly looking like a Christmas Day surprise 😁 (although don't hold me to it ladies ha ha!)

Argh OP you are now making me want to do the same! DP has said we can if I want to. Think Christmas Day is a lovely idea. Have you got any inklings either way?

It depends on how you want to remember finding out. Depending on his age it could be your DS's present to find out if he is having a sis or brother at Christmas? Maybe make a game out of him colouring a teddy pink or blue and reveal it to you?. I won't have any self control if I were you :). We found out at 20 w but it helped me plan the shopping etc. Enjoy your pregnancy!

It’s your body going through this, so solely your choice what information to access about it. You clearly want to know the sex and have the information, so look at it.