Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

how does partner cope durning labour?

55 replies

katie23913 · 08/12/2018 20:16

I’m 32 weeks and this is our first baby. I am unsure how my partner will be during the birth. He has told me he is nervous about being baby home as he has never been around babies so it’s all completely new to him. I have a niece and 2 nephews so I have a little experience with babies. He hasn’t admitted it but I think he is also nervous about the birth and how he can help me. How was everybody else’s partners at the birth the first time? I have this feeling he is going to pass out haha

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Knittedfairies · 08/12/2018 20:23

To be absolutely honest, I was more concerned with how I was coping with labour than how he was doing. I’m not completely sure
I would have noticed if he’d passed out...

TerriB84 · 08/12/2018 21:06

I had my mum with me during the birth of my DD as well as my DH. I wasn’t sure how it would work out but actually it it was perfect and i’ll Be doing the same when the time comes for #2. Not only was it extra support for me but my DH admitted it was helpful for him too to have her there as it took some of the pressure off him. I’m sure he would have been fine on his own though.

Caprisunorange · 08/12/2018 21:10

To be honest my husband was very traumatised by my first birth (which was traumatic, he wasn’t being a drama queen!)

I think what he found hard was no one cared less about him (for obvious reasons, they were trying to save babies life) but it meant that he was alone without information for long periods, didn’t understand what was happening etc.

But, he just had to cope with it. Men aren’t that important in labour I’m afraid. Not a bad life lesson for them for once eh?

WooYa · 08/12/2018 21:10

DS was stuck and DH looked at the wrong moment - he went all funny and I had to make him sit down 😂 luckily I had DM with me and she took over then swapped back out when he felt better ☺️ he's never been around babies either but he had no choice as I had an epidural and couldn't really move to do anything.

IndianaMoleWoman · 08/12/2018 21:11

DH struggled and had to leave the room a few times. He was pale, sweaty and shaky apparently.

I did not notice. I was a bit preoccupied with pushing a tiny human out of my foof.

SoyDora · 08/12/2018 21:12

DH was fine... it wasn’t really about him! And to be honest, how he was coping with the labour was certainly not high on my list of worries!

Oct18mummy · 08/12/2018 21:13

Have you gone to any birthing classes like NCT or hypnobirthing? That might help prepare him. My husband was nervous too and didn’t want to be down the business end which completely understand.

MinecraftHolmes · 08/12/2018 21:14

I have no idea how DH coped both times. He was literally my last concern.

Madmarchpear · 08/12/2018 21:15

Least of your worries and if he makes you feel his needs are a thing he's a nob.

Stopwoofing · 08/12/2018 21:16

I think it’s hard for men as they’re sold this idea they can be fully involved but actually, it’s happening to one person and they can’t really do much except encourage. Both times I asked for my dh to stay out of the business end but midwives got him to take a leg and help push it up, bizarrely.

I do think he’s a bit traumatised from the births as it is quite hard seeing someone you love in pain when you can’t dk anything but it was all with it in the end.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 08/12/2018 21:19

My h coped by helping me. I had a v long labour most of which was at home and he made sure I kept my strength up by eating, drinking, resting, helping me to the loo (weeing triggered a contraction), helping to time contractions etc. It was quite quick once we got to hospital and he was quite superfluous to proceedings then!

Of course he needs to feel confident in caring for his child, but if he is anxious initially then remind him that he should know how to look after you so if he focuses on that then you will both soon get to grips with caring for the baby

Happyandshiney · 08/12/2018 21:22

My DH hadn’t been round babies very much and we had twins.

Honestly, taking care of a baby (or two) is hard work but it’s not rocket science.

Get him involved in changing nappies and bathing the baby straight away so he gains confidence.

As for the labour. My DH was a rock.

Basically his job is to stay calm, stay positive and hold your hand. He’ll be fine.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 08/12/2018 21:23

I should say that I actually found his care a bit annoying at the time, but in retrospect the fact that he was encouraging me to have a few mouthfuls of food every so often meant I was less likely to be completely exhausted by 27 hours

Original poster

katie23913 · 08/12/2018 21:25

If you don’t have anything positive to say then just don’t comment. Not once has he made out like it’s about him. I am asking because he is my partner and I love him and want him to feel ok and part of the birth. Yes I am sure I will have other things in my mind at the time but I would like to try prepare as best I can, it’s his baby too and an exciting time for us both. I don’t want him to feel like he does not matter.

OP posts:

Kittykat93 · 08/12/2018 21:29

Seriously - you won't give a shit how he's coping during the birth. I know I didn't!

Caprisunorange · 08/12/2018 21:29

Christ you’re rude. So glad I wasted my time replying to your question

Original poster

katie23913 · 08/12/2018 21:31

I was referring to the person calling him a nob!!! If you know you weren’t rude then why get offended? Clearly it was not about you!!

OP posts:

OhTheRoses · 08/12/2018 21:31

Well DH probably saved the baby's life after the heart beat dipped the tjird time and the twitty midwife said for the third time "it's a faulty belt that keeps slipping". Thank God DH opened the door and blasted I want a dr in here now, right now. Can still hear him booming down the corridor.

Enter head midwife, crash button hit, emergency team arrived. DS was being strangled by cord. He was blue and took a long time to resuscitate then went to SCBU.

Twit came back to take me to ward and DH sent her away and demanded someone else looked after me.

He did not watch or deal with the head end. He's not touchy feely but he knew something was up when a twitwife didn't.

Kittykat93 · 08/12/2018 21:33

Op you are being rude. People are giving their honest opinions which is what you asked for 🤷‍♀️ the birth is about how you're feeling not him. He's not pushing a human out of his vag.

Bluebelltulip · 08/12/2018 21:34

My DH is fairly squeamish so he was a bit concerned about how he would be. Beforehand we talked about it and I made sure he knew that if he needed to leave the room he could and that I wouldn't be disappointed if he chose not to attend an EMCS. We also prewarned the midwife in the delivery room. In the end he was fine and a great support to me.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 08/12/2018 21:34

I’m afraid that really he doesn’t matter other than as your support. If you are worrying about him during labour then something is not quite right there. He needs to ensure he has his own coping strategies that do not require your input and don’t get in the way of him supporting you. If you really think he might pass out then I would consider having someone else there too for you.

JamAtkins · 08/12/2018 21:34

Have you ever been poorly at home and he has brought you drinks and snacks and rubbed your back and held your hair back while you vomit?
If he can do that then he can help you in labour. Lots of labour is quite dull and all he needs to do is keep you company (or take himself off if you want to be alone for a bit). The bits where you ‘need’ him are just to make you more comfortable or to be a gopher. He’s not expected to actually deliver a baby.
I had never held a baby when I had my ds1. I didn’t have a clue but you pick it up as you go. The risk for inexperienced men is they can opt out of caring for a baby, which is not a luxury afforded to women. The best thing you can do is not take over too much so he can develop confidence in his own capabilities.

Original poster

katie23913 · 08/12/2018 21:35

And calling my partner a nob is ok?? Really?

OP posts:

Naschkatze · 08/12/2018 21:36

Your reply is a bit unnecessarily snappy there OP...
I'd recommend the Positive Birth Company for helping your DP to feel okay about the labour/birth and giving him a purpose. We have completed their online digital pack and it's really informative plus gives partners a list of things they can do to help at each stage of labour. If he's like my DH then knowing what's going on and why will help.

Kittykat93 · 08/12/2018 21:38

Men leaving the room, pre warning midwives that they may not be able to attend the birth/caesarean? Sorry but I think that's pathetic. We are the ones going through indescribable pain, putting ourselves in danger, etc. I'd be extremely disappointed if my partner was talking about 'not coping' with the birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread