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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

And so it begins. The I hope it’s a girl comments..

61 replies

Fundays12 · 04/12/2018 22:19

Just having a rant here really I have 2 darling sons both very much loved and wanted. We absolutely adore them and when pregnant with ds2 I had almost hoped for a second boy as my oldest was desperate for a brother.

During both pregnancies we had some not nice comments made about the fact they were boys not girls (hubbys family actively favour girls very sad). Anyway I am now pregnant again which was a lovely surprise and the comments about I hope it’s a girl have already started .. We are just hoping it’s healthy especially after nearly losing Ds2. Honestly I get parents to be can suffer gender disappointment but we have never so for other people to be disappointed in our unborn baby because its not the sex of child they wanted it or assumed we wanted beggars belief. It’s downright rude and inconsiderate.. ... now it’s time to get my thinking hat on to give cheeky answers

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

JustMe18 · 05/12/2018 09:01

Fundays12 I'm under pressure from my mother in law to have a boy.. My husband is an only child and we have nobody else to carry on our surname...

I could smack her!!

OnceUponAGiraffe · 05/12/2018 09:06

DC3 is a girl after two boys. SO many people have said how pleased I “get to have a girl”. I really didn’t care (although I was mildly :eek: about having a boy in my first pregnancy - just as one of girls myself, boys were relatively unknown, but as soon as he arrived I realised how little I cared).

If it is a girl, wait for the “but you can’t dress her in boys clothes” to start...

CollyWombles · 05/12/2018 09:14

I had two girls first then two boys. I'm expecting DC5 and a few have said about having a boy because it's DH first baby, to carry on the family name. I hate that, a girl carries on the family name too! I will be happy with either gender though a little part of me would love a girl, it seems a long time since my girls were newborn and little dresses are so cute! Then again, so are little waistcoats 😊

ToBeARockAndNotToRoll · 05/12/2018 09:20

Oh yes. When MIL held DS for the first time...The first thing she said? 'I was hoping for a girl.'

violeticecream · 05/12/2018 09:38

I am one of three girls. When my younger sister was born my grandfather refused to go and visit at the hospital as she wasn't a he. How nice

TheSubtleKnifeAndFork · 05/12/2018 09:50

Congratulations OP!

I've got one boy and pregnant again. I have had so many pointed "bet you're hoping for a girl" comments. They really piss me off! I love my son and would be overjoyed with another (or with a girl) it makes no difference.

I'll admit that for a couple of weeks I was rather hoping for a girl (although that's possibly because everyone else kept harping on about it), but actually that feeling has vanished now and I genuinely couldn't care either way. Probably a good thing too as there's no way to control the outcome and I think being absolutely desperate for one sex or another is a slippery slope. If I had a very strong preference either way I'd probably think it better not to get pregnant, as having a baby shouldn't be all about it's sex IMO.

DartmoorDoughnut · 05/12/2018 09:50

@JustMe18 Tell her whatever you have you’re giving the baby your surname as you don’t want to lose it

JustMe18 · 05/12/2018 09:54

@DartmoorDoughnut Haha!! I like that idea!!!!

Paradiddle · 05/12/2018 10:02

I think people don't even realize that comments they make sound so stupid. I was ''lucky'' because I had one of each and it still annoys me when someone says that. Currently pregnant with number 3 and people making comments along the lines ''oh, so you don't mind what you will be having, you already have a boy and a girl''.

Sexnotgender · 05/12/2018 10:42

I'm under pressure from my mother in law to have a boy.. My husband is an only child and we have nobody else to carry on our surname...

She should have had more bloody children then shouldn’t she!
People are dicks is the general consensus I think.

Cookit · 05/12/2018 10:59

I find it really upsetting. I have a DS and I’m pregnant with a DD. When people comment about how glad they are for me or just rely “yay!” when I tell them it’s a girl I just feel so so sad. It’s like a boy is just the consolation prize.

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 05/12/2018 12:30

This really annoys me. I genuinely don't get it.

I have nothing against someone saying oh id quite like a girl/boy. But other ppl should not be saying it! If you have a strong gender preference in that you'd be so upset about having either sex, you probably shouldn't bother trying for a baby.

I have one DS. MIL has three sons. She said throughout my pregnancy that she hopes it is a girl. Then when he was born she said oh you'll go again soon and get us a girl .
If I ever do have another I'll be praying for a boy just to sicken her lol I also have the fear that her baby rabies will be even worse with a girl . I'll never get shot of her then.

Figgygal · 05/12/2018 12:33

Agree respond with a "why?" And Paddington hard stare

I've 2 boys and would love another if had another baby

Printerneedsink · 05/12/2018 12:33

It's rude, especially when they say it in front of your boys ! Or asking if you're "going to try for a girl" soon.

Printerneedsink · 05/12/2018 12:34

Sabrina I had similar from grandparents : "it had better be a girl this time because that's what I want".

TheCag · 05/12/2018 12:36

It really annoys me too op. I’m expecting a girl now and already have two lovely boys. I’ve had friends practically punching the air in happiness for me, and my sister said ‘it was worth getting pregnant then’ when she found out. Honestly I was fuming for days after that one. We are thrilled to be having a girl, we would have also been thrilled to be having a boy.

Hohocabbage · 05/12/2018 12:38

Justme18, well bring your dd up as a feminist who won’t change her name = job done

Chocolatecake12 · 05/12/2018 12:41

When my ds was about 4 we were going through with an adoption application and the social worker assumed we wanted a girl. I told her no, I want another child that fits into my family regardless of whether it’s a boy or girl.
There seems to be a perceived ideal of having one of each, not sure where it comes from but it needs addressing.
As pp have said a ‘why?’ And long pause should answer those questions!
Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 05/12/2018 12:46

People can be so weird.

Babies are lovely, either sex. I've noticed an anti-boy vibe on some threads - why? I don't get it.

SoyDora · 05/12/2018 12:50

When people asked if I was trying for a boy I used to say something like ‘what would that involve? Only have sex by the light of a full moon with my legs in the air’?
I wasn’t ‘trying’ for anything except a baby. If I had a preference as to the sex I probably wouldn’t have tried for another at all, as there would have been a 50% chance of being disappointed.

Angelmiracle · 05/12/2018 13:14

Have DS and yes getting all the comments "aw bet you hope this is a girl" and near sure comments "it'll be a girl this time" Oh really will it now? I respond that DS would love a little brother I'm delighted to be having another child.

It took us 5 years ttc this baby - like really?!

sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 05/12/2018 13:58

@LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset is it maybe because of the bullshit statement that a girl is for life, a boy is only yours until he takes a wife blah blah blah.

Going by some threads about MILs on here I can see how people can be terrified about not getting to see their GC as much as their DILs family.

It terrifies me slightly too.

However I think for some it can become a self fulfilling prophecy. My MIL has been overbearing and extremely intense since I've had DS, her first GC. If she went on like a normal, rational person I think I would have a lovely relationship with her and would thoroughly enjoy her company. As it is, she makes me uneasy and I am sick to death of her at the minute. She's probably telling herself she would see her grandson everyday if she'd had a daughter!

Original poster

Fundays12 · 05/12/2018 17:48

I feel that it’s nobody else’s place to comment on the sex of someone’s baby. Me and hubby were not being overly careful so took the risk of knowing another baby maybe a boy. We are both happy with this.

I actually think in my hubbys family the whole girls are girls for life is true but only because it is a self fulfilling prophecy. MIL tends to not ask of invite her sons out for lunch or spend hardly any quality time with them but she always does with her daughters so basically in my view has made an active decision to spend less time with her sons. This is why the relationships with her sons are not as strong as ones she has with her daughters. Add to that FIL hates boys including all his grandsons and is either outright nasty about them no matter how much better behaved they are than any of the granddaughters or ignores them. My kids don’t get let near him so it doesn’t affect us. However it has definitely affected the relationship my MIL has with her grandsons. I do wonder if she is hoping for a granddaughter as she feels we will let a girl go to her house but we won’t as if my sons are not welcome any daughter we have won’t be going either.

OP posts:

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 05/12/2018 17:59

I think the self-fulfilling prophecy is bang-on OP. I know grown men who are very attached to their mothers/fathers and grown women who aren't at all.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/12/2018 18:46

Me and hubby were not being overly careful so took the risk of knowing another baby maybe a boy.

What does this mean? How can you be 'careful' about having a boy or girl?

And the 'risk' you might have another boy...? Sound like you have the same idea as the people you're complaining about - unless I've thoroughly misunderstood.

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