2nd pregnancy, is it normal?

[Kittenrush]

I’m about 20 weeks with DC2 and I feel totally flat. This was a planned pregnancy and I didn’t think I could have children, so I know how incredibly luck I am to be pregnant for a second time but I just don’t seem to be feeling the same sort of excitement I did with my first pregnancy (which was a total unplanned surprise). I feel so guilty and that this baby deserves so much better than a mother that cant get excited about it’s arrival. Everyone keeps asking me if I’m just so over the moon and I just keep lying and smiling but internally I’m just dreading night feeds and reflux (DC1 was a really tricky baby). Anyone else have a similar experience?

I'm 25 weeks with DD2, and although we planned this pregnancy, I keep having waves of fear that I've made the wrong decision. Especially as we're now in a comfortable routine with DD1 and I'm dreading going back to sleepless nights and unsettledness.

I'm hoping (praying) that once she arrives everything will be fine. 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

I was excited with 2nd but not as excited as with 1st where I could just focus on me being pregnant. Excitement waned further with 3rd and 4th as I was very busy and pregnant by then and was exhausted and just thinking about looking after them all 😂
As labour loomed etc I was excited But the general day to day being pregnant want as exciting. That's not to say I didn't enjoy being pregnant - I suffer horrendous periods and so 9 months respite was dreamy. I always felt wonderfully 'well' while pregnant too.

I’m glad it’s not just me that’s feeling the fear, I think that’s a lot to do with it Gucci, my DD is so good and settled and I have no idea what a new baby will do to our little family dynamic.
I’ve also felt so crap so that probably hasn’t helped. Glad to know I’m not alone

Lovely to find this thread I feel exactly the same and feel guilty for poor little bump that I'm not experiencing the joy I did for DD1. I suppose it's because this time round we know the reality and for me personally I am dreading pregnancy progressing with potential of SPD and am pretty terrified for birth which takes away excitement, not to mention them the worry of sleep deprivation whilst still looking after a toddler

I’m glad you found a bit of comfort, I’m really so glad I’m not the only one. Yeah the birth bit is definitely making me freak a bit. I really want to try and find a way to have a more positive experience this time, but who has time for hypnobirthing techniques when you’re chasing a crazy toddler all day!?

Haha I know what you mean! I'm tempted to try a class rather than at home as it will actually force me to have that relaxation time but just concerned it's going to be full of first time mums and people saying that birth is painless and natural when I know very well that's not the case!!

Another one here who was having the exact same thoughts today.

I think it's because you know what's coming and because life is already hectic and expensive with one, so another just adds to the worry. I would go as far to say I'm dreading it a bit! I'm excited and intrigued too, but the overriding feeling is of 'how am I going to cope' rather than looking forward to being a mum. I know that will change once the baby arrives.

My son is looking forward to his new brother, so I am focusing on that.

Oh pancakes don’t you just hate those people who say it’s all fine and childbirth is wonderful, yeah okay all the screaming and pooping is just great!
Biscuits I’m also really worried about the financial side of things, I’m a nurse and my partner is in dubbing and we JUST scrape by every month. How did I think 2 would be manageable

@Hmmmbiscuits totally with you I have no idea how I'm going to cope with two. I'm not sure how this was a good idea! I keep having such lovely times with my DD and then thinking what have I done! We have it so easy and I'm going to bring a whirlwind into our lives forever that is going to change all these moments!! Just done a lovely snuggly bedtime and kept thinking at the back of my mind what happens if the baby starts crying and I then have to go sorry darling no more snuggles the baby needs me. Going to break her heart (and mine!)

With you guys on the money side too. I currently do 2 days a week and we need that income but once baby comes along DD1 will be starting school so I'm going to need to change to half days to be able to pick her up, which means baby in childcare 4 mornings a week and then only an hour alone with the babe before picking DD up from school. Just feels like time is going to be so rushed and different from all the time I spent with DD1 by myself.

Can relate to this! I do have moments of joy/excitement, but so far this pregnancy has been far harder and I keep wondering if we are doing the right thing and I am a lot more worried about how I will cope. DC1 is in a really tricky phase (tantrums ahoy!!) and often I can't imagine how we'll manage.
I'm also absolutely knackered and so busy (between work, wifework, and caring for a toddler) so I don't have the same amount of time for navel gazing and daydreaming about the new baby etc. as I did with first pregnancy. I'm almost 33 weeks and shit is getting real too, it won't be long until baby is here and I'm torn between relief that end is in sight, and wishing that I could freeze time until I feel actually ready.

We got pregnant the first month trying, and I think I'm still partially in shock/disbelief mode, as strange as that probably sounds. I was expecting a good few months of TTC as DC1 took six months.

I'm basically telling myself everything will be fine. We'll manage and I won't remember feeling this way when baby is in my arms. Some bits will be easier too - at least I'll have some clue of what to actually do with a newborn this time!!

@TheSubtleKnifeAndFork we were first month of trying too and I completely agree. I almost feel like I needed those months of 'ooo is it? Ah next time' to build up the excitement. To just have it happen straight away felt so strange and I feel so guilty for my friends who have spent so long trying too

@TheSubtleKnifeAndFork we got pregnant with DD2 first month trying too, even after it took 7 years with DD1!!

I feel like I cherished every day I was pregnant first time around, but now I just don't have the time to even think about it.

Maybe our bodies just know what to do this time around because we fell pregnant first month we tried too and that completely threw me. I (stupidly) had loads of stuff planned like weddings and stuff that I then couldn’t drink at and felt really sick through which I know is such a small price to pay but I just hadn’t planned for it to all be so quick! And now here I am half way through already with a baby due almost exactly on my 30th birthday and selfishly all I can think about is now I can’t do anything fun for my birthday.
And then I hate myself quite a lot and remember how lucky I am and that a baby is a pretty awesome birthday present!
But also if I was just allowed to go and drink some gin in a corner somewhere that’d be great

Got my scan tomorrow and family keep messaging me to say ooo are you excited.... why am I not excited?! Starting to feel like there's something wrong with me that I'm not getting any feelings towards this little thing inside me? This time with my first I was brimming with happiness.

@pancakes22 I honestly know exactly what you mean. I’ve tackled this by being really honest with everyone and saying I’m really not feeling the same this time but I’m sure it’ll be great type thing. I find I get less guilt this way plus people stop asking you about it. Win win
I hope things go well at your scan, I found I was at least very relieved to hear everything was okay at my 20 week scan and that made me feel a bit better.

So glad to find this thread ... hi ladies I'm 24 weeks preg and not feeling it either . This was totally longed for and wanted after two miscarriages it will be baby three . My youngest is 5.. I'm thankful we're out of the toddler phase , but I'm feeling a little yucky and oh what have we done?!! Also have a sneaky suspicion that it may be because I found out the gender and it wasn't what we desired, I hate hate hate myself for saying that as we are so thankful baby boy is lovely and healthy and growing well. I had never found out the gender before feel like I ruined it a bit . It doesn't help I am two thirds through my last year of uni and we just sale agreed on our house and applied for a mortgage all in same week as me finishing up my dissertation... I'm just not enjoying it at all :( ... hugs and love to u all. It's not all roses and that's ok . All will be well in the end xoxox

Pancakes... I totally get it.. I'm trying to bond with bump and thought the gender scan would help .. felt a tad anti climatic. Might start massaging bump with bio oil talk to him etc xoxo

Hopping on this thread if that's ok! I'm almost 20 weeks and feel the same. Much wanted and planned for second pregnancy, but just feel a bit blah. Looking forward to newborn cuddles but I'm acutely aware of the fact they won't be the same with 2 year old DS climbing on me and needing cared for!

I would like to recommend everyone to consider joining a weekly antenatal class. I've just started aquanatal and the first week was the first time I've really done anything for this baby, if that makes sense. It was the first time that I focussed on him and felt like I was doing something to benefit him. Quite sad really when I couldn't think of anything other than DS when I was pregnant with him. But now I have my wee Thursday night swimming to look forward to for just me and DS2 to enjoy :)

Everyone most definitely welcome, I’m (selfishly) just so pleased I’m not alone in feeling this way.
@anonaon I had some gender disappointment too. I am coming around to the idea now but I really wanted another little girl, I’m not even sure why?
@8DaysAWeek that’s a really good suggestion. I was thinking of trying to find an evening hypnobirthing class I could go to so I don’t have to worry about childcare and stuff. Might give this some more thought.
@pancakes22 I hope your scan goes well today

I’ve also had another huge surge of hormones which has left me dry heaving into a bucket for a couple of days. Not improving my mood any

@pancakes22 how did ur scan go? Don't worry I felt a bit off before scans too.. last pregnancy I was buzzing every time I even had to pee in a pot and hat pregnancy was not planned at all? Why is t when we longed for this that I'm so deflated

I'm an old timer (as in not pregnant and have 7&4 year old and don't want any more), and I remember this feeling well.

When DS1 kicked me in utero it was adorable and exciting.
When DS2 kicked me in utero it was fucking annoying, made me feel nauseous and I felt barely disguised rage frankly.

Although Baby 2 was planned, it exhausted me and I felt like I was tolerating it rather than enjoying it.

Thankfully that feeling really doesn't translate when they finally arrive!! Both my boys are incredible, amazing little wonders!

Good luck with your pregnancies all!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

My biggest fear is not feeling a rush of love for baby when he's born .... u know the one I mean . That omg I can't stop staring at u feeling ... having felt like this in any pregnancy tbh... could be just stress Iv a lot going on

@anonaon that is exactly my worry, and that I won't love DD2 as much as I do DD1.

I worried about the rush of love too, but I didn't have that with DS1 as I was so high on endorphins (hypnobirth) and was just grinning like a fool with all the adrenaline.

The rush of love came immediately with DS2 though (he'd been unwell in utero and we almost lost him at 30 weeks) and when he was placed on my chest and opened his eyes both DH and I cried.

And actually I was far more protective of DS2 than I was with DS1 in the early days, I had a far more primal instinct to be close to him at all times.

I was happy to have another child on the way but openly admitted to not being as excited. You don’t get that naivety twice.

Fwiw, it has been so much easier the second time around. Your expectations are so much lower and you’re already broken in.