Elective C-Section. Advice please. (not what you think)

[Bettsy123]

Hi all,
I recently posted about what I have been going through. Last week I found out that my husband has been cheating on me (I am now 34w5d) (sleeping with multiple women) whilst he has been working abroad 'earning money for a better life for our family'
Its been a week and I'm finding it hard. I've lost a little weight, I have had reduced movements and was in hospital all day yesterday and have found out that the baby is measuring small (just below the 10th percentile) so now I have to have extra scans and CTG's etc.
Today I saw my midwife for extra support and something I am really struggling with it the thought that I will find it difficult to bond with my baby because of what has happened and that kills me. Having to make all new plans when I had already made them all with my husband included. My world has been turned upside down. My midwife went through my options and mentioned a C-Section and the more I am thinking about it the more appealing it is to me. This is my first baby so I have nothing to go by and I'm not looking for negative comments I just want to hear peoples experiences and any advice. Some of you may see what I'm saying as selfish.

If I have a C-section and the baby doesn't decide to come beforehand, it will be planned. And will bring a little stability in a point at my life where I have little.
I will have a scar but I will not have tears and trauma from a vaginal birth etc and my body will be in tact (I will keep something for me) and I know this part a lot of people may find selfish. Prior to what has happened I wanted a vaginal water birth, but I'm finding my outlook is changing and although it sounds sad I am starting to look at it a little clinically.
I think if I were in labour for hours and then had to have a C-section I would be exhausted and find it even more difficult to look after a newborn.
I know recovery from the C-section is difficult and its a big operation and should not be taken lightly but the recovery of either delivery takes time for your body to heal.
Does anybody have any experiences of an elective C-section?
I am not afraid of the pain of birth and even looking after the baby afterwards. These are not my reasons for considering a section.
Thankyou for listening and no negative comments please as I can imagine people will have strong opinions.

Yes, I have had both an emergency and an elective section. I recovered very quickly from them, didn’t have a lot of pain, etc, no probs.

The elective was very civilised in comparison to the emergency one - you just get up and think right, I’m going to have the baby within a couple of hours.

I had a long difficult labour leading up to the emergency section and I wasn’t happy at the prospect of going through that again.

From my personal experience, I would recommend an elective section.

I can understand what you are saying about how you feel differently now - imagining a natural water with your beloved husband holding your hands and both of you excited about your joint future is quite a different matter to your situation now, where you probably hate him (I would anyway!)

Good luck with whatever you decide though.

It’s not selfish to have a C-section at all! An elective C-section is just as safe as a vaginal delivery for baby. Do what’s best for you, that’s what’s best for baby x

I've had both
I felt awful after the C section as I couldn't drive and felt trapped.

Quicker recover after vaginal birth - and felt better in myself.

Your baby will arrive any way you chose, I'm sure you are feeling vulnerable - any close familly about?

I had an emcs but medically speaking the same as an elective as I had an epidural not a GA.

I don't think you're being selfish, I think you don't understand that there's a huge difference between a vaginal birth (how things are meant to work and what your body is prepared for) and a MAJOR surgery. I think you're underestimating how difficult having a c section will make life for you when it's just you and baby.

I don't regret having a cs without it dd and I both likely wouldn't be here.

BUT

It takes a LOT longer to recover from a cs. Generally recovery from a vaginal birth takes days. Recovery from a section takes AT LEAST 6 weeks, and means a longer stay in hospital too, which could hamper bonding with baby which you're already worried about. I was kept in for a week (as was dd as it happened) and still felt pretty wobbly when I went home - and I had a husband to help me.

The recovery and injury means you are very restricted what you can do. If you're going to be on your own with the baby this is not practical and will make YOUR life harder. I was fine while then dh was home, once he had to go back to work it became very frustrating.

Your body will be permanently changed with a cs. It's a significant if hidden scar, they can't do it by keyhole surgery! The stomach muscles are cut and are NEVER the same again - you can do all the slimming, planks and stomach crunches you like, still won't have a stomach like you had pre section.

If you're planning to bf (and if you're about to become single it's certainly a damn site cheaper than formula, bottles, steriliser etc) it often takes longer for milk to come in if you have a section.

It is of course your personal decision but it's good you posted as you need to make an informed decision and currently I don't think you are.

So sorry to hear that you’re going through all that!
I didn’t have an elective section but I had an emergency c section just over 3 weeks ago. I feel like I’m getting back to normal now but the first week is very tough, I found it very difficult just getting up or getting out of bed. Also as previously said you can’t drive for 6 weeks and this has been the hardest thing for me as I’ve been having to rely on family and friends just to be able to leave the house which at times makes me really fed up.
I am relieved I didn’t have to go through the pain and recovery of a vaginal birth though.

Nobody will think you’re selfish - the main thing is doing what is best for you and your baby and if that is a c section then that’s perfectly fine!

I had an elective c-section. I thought I’d be in a lot of pain, but in fact it was very manageable, I never took more than ibruprofen and paracetamol. The extra time in hospital meant I was looked after and could bond with my baby. Recovery at home was fine, I was off painkillers within the week and moving quite freely.

I had an emcs following a failed induction. I was at it for days and was on full drip for 12 hrs and barely 4cm dilated when they decided enough was enough, the baby was not for moving of its own accord!

In the postnatal ward the following morning (so about 14 hours after my emcs) on a catheter and bleeding heavily vaginally with a crying baby but being unable to move, no midwifes around, I remember seething with envy at the woman opposite who came to the ward barely an hour before. This woman positively hopped of the bed with gleeful abandon to tend to her newborn. Glowing she was. I fucking hated her.

I'm grateful that I had a cs in the end as without it I'm not sure I would have given birth to a healthy boy. I wouldn't say it made things easier though. You might labour text book with minimal issues, I'm sure that's the norm rather than the type of birth I had.

Saying that though I must say that once I got home from hospital (36 hours later, I was desperate to leave) I recovered very well and was able do everything I needed and wanted to. I was out and about walking, shopping, lunching etc within the week and I drove soon after my stitch was removed.

I had an elective section and would have another one if I were to have another baby. Don't let the people going on about long recovery put u off. The recovery is not that bad. If u have a vaginal birth and a tear u could take time to recover anyway. Of you are on your own and have to get on with things u will. I would have a family member or close friend available on the first week to help u a bit with lifting. U will be able to walk and do stairs just extremely slowly. I lived in a third floor flat. Scar is fine well below bikini line. Vagina intact lol

I have had a vaginal birth and a planned c section. I found it took much longer to recover from the c section.

Do.you have anyone to help you after the birth? Your mum or other family member?

If you have a good vaginal birth caring for baby will be easier. I had a bad vaginal birth and experienced much of the same issues as after a c section (could barely walk, had a catheter in for 12 hours, couldn't lift or drive and was in significant pain).

Regardless of how you give birth, will you have someone to support you immediately post birth? Run the hoover round, make dinner, nip to the shops for you? I couldn't have done those things for myself without making myself very ill.

I’m sorry to hear your going through this. My baby arrived early and I opted for a c-section. They wanted to induce but it was unlikely to be successful and a higher chance of becoming a section.
My baby was measuring small and my placental was failing and had to come out at 35weeks.

I just wanted my baby out safe and went for the section. That was my overriding priority.

Recovery from section was ok but took a several weeks to get better. The first week was the hardest but just keep on top of the medications.
I was able to do everything for the baby - because I did nothing else. Didn’t clean. Or clean. Or worry about visitors.
I had a lot of visitors and let them get their own tea and biscuits.
My son slept most of the first month anyway. Woke every couple hours for milk. Had very little awake time as he was preemie.

Do what you feel is best for you and best for the baby.
And a section did not make me feel any less different than if I had a vaginal birth.
I have no regrets.

Good luck x

I had an EMCS and an ELCS (twins). I was up walking around after 4 hours or so. Pain easily controlled with paracetamol and ibuprofen. No problems bf even when I was stacking two babies on top of each other. Neat 5 inch scar just above pubis. I was driving within two weeks, having inquired with my insurance company. Practical side wrt childcare for 2yo and no midnight panic drive was ideal. I'd highly recommend it.

I've had two babies (big!) and my fanny is still very much in tact.

They don't get ruined like you think.

C-section isn't selfish in the slightest, your husband is the selfish arse here, don't think badly for a split second for considering a c-section!
If the MW suggested one, I'm guessing she checked with you first that someone would be with you all the time afterwards to help with the recovery? A mum or sister or friend (all three?!)
Sorry to hear that your husband is a such an arsehole.
You do whatever suits you and your baby. X

They don't get ruined like you think

They don't always get ruined like you think. Mines a fucking car crash after a tiny baby!

Hi OP - I'm so sorry for your situation, sounds truly awful. I can't comment on the ECS as I haven't had one but I have had a great vaginal birth and was home within 7 hours and pretty much able to function normally within 24 hours.

The problem is that every person is different - what's is good for one person is not for another. You just have to do what you think is right for you.

Good luck with it all x

I had an ELCS because DS was small for dates, late, and the obstetrician didn't want to put him through the stress of an induced labour.

The birth was lovely and I recovered very quickly. My scar is hardly visible. However it did take ages (5days with a hospital grade pump) to get my milk going. Also (anecdotally - but friends who've had both vaginal births and CS have reported the same) I didn't get the huge rush of oxytocin that a VB gives.

I had a vaginal birth with complications and had a long recovery. Couldn't leave the house etc due to dizziness after significant blood loss so couldn't drive anyway.

Do you have a family member who can come to stay with you? Or is hiring a doula an option? I believe there are different ' levels' of doula and some are more affordable?

OP, what support will you have after baby is born? Any family or friends who will be around? Do you drive/need to drive?
The practical benefits of each method will massively be impacted by the above question.

I've had emcs elcs and traumatic vaginal birth - recovery was easier for csection but I had my husband to do things for me

My main concern would be who will support you after the birth?

I had a “natural” VB with DC1, no epidural (no time) & a few stitches. Apart from the shock of having a baby, recovery was very easy & didn’t feel like I had given birth if that makes sense. DC2 elective CS, I was actually quite shocked at how painful it was as I thought it was the easier option. I was discharged the next day with paracetamol & my recovery was deemed good but I found the first few days hard. With my appendix I was in for 5 days on morphine! I don’t like the fact I had a CS, my stomach muscles are not the same & I have a little overhang above my scar (which is very neat) which I hate.

It's a difficult one.

You can have an easy or difficult vaginal delivery.

You can have an easy or difficult C-section. You just have no idea what your body is going to do.

Good luck whatever you decide. Agree about lining up lots of support and concentrate of bonding with your baby, no matter how they're born.

In your situation I would rather have the cesarean. With a Cesarean you know what the risks are and what the outcome is most likely to be re a few weeks of limited mobility. But it's amazing what your body can do when it needs to. I had an elcs and had to go back and forward to the Nicu after mine were born and was getting up every 3 hours in the night to express and I coped. You won't necessarily be bedbound and actually the staff will be pushing you to get out of bed and move around as soon as possible to avoid the risk of blood clots. Vaginal birth is all well and good if it's straightforward with no major injuries. If there are major injuries you could be suffering for a lot longer than if you just had a cesarean. Psychologically it might be that you're going for the other end of the spectrum from a vaginal water birth because that's what you do plan with your husband but that's absolutely fine as well. There is nothing selfish about having a caesarean and it's your body and your choice. Speaking of which you wouldn't know by looking at me that I had had a cesarean. The cut was right on the bikini line and I don't have a c sec overhang.

It's entirely your decision, no judgement,

I had a vaginal birth first time and I have opted for a planned section this time (I'm 30 weeks so not booked in yet) because of my experience of my first labour.

Do what is right for you. I feel much happier knowing this will be planned x

I've had 3 csections, 2 of them elective (though I did go into labour with my 2nd before date of section, baby, as suspected, was not going to be born vaginally).

My last section had complications for me, which have left me in pain.
I completely understand why you want your baby born, you are in turmoil and have been betrayed. Your life has been tipped upside down. Please don't worry about this making you not bond with your baby, you will be fine. Don't let him ruin your birth and that amazing feeling of becoming a first time mum, you only have it once. As hard as it will be, focus on your newborn, the life you will have.

You are in such a strange place of two new beginnings. Don't let the negative one spoil your amazing new one.

Good luck op. You don't deserve him treating you this way, you deserve better than him. It will get better than it feels right now. 💐💐💐

My baby was breech so I had a c-section. I think you're understanding the recovery time and pain from major abdominal surgery. If you have someone who will come and live with you for a couple of weeks then you'll be fine. I was in hospital for 5 days after (not because of c-section) and by the time I was home I could waddle around very slowly. It took me a long time to walk up and down stairs. Getting in and out of bed was painful. Doug things like picking the baby up if they were crying took a big effort. Having said all that I did love my c-section. But I don't know what I'd do if I have another child. My dd has allergies and had silent reflux - there are some that think this is linked to not be born vaginally...

And I'm very sorry your husband has done this to you. You'll get through this and being a mother is AMAZING!