Elective C-Section. Advice please. (not what you think)

[Bettsy123]

Hi all,
I recently posted about what I have been going through. Last week I found out that my husband has been cheating on me (I am now 34w5d) (sleeping with multiple women) whilst he has been working abroad 'earning money for a better life for our family'
Its been a week and I'm finding it hard. I've lost a little weight, I have had reduced movements and was in hospital all day yesterday and have found out that the baby is measuring small (just below the 10th percentile) so now I have to have extra scans and CTG's etc.
Today I saw my midwife for extra support and something I am really struggling with it the thought that I will find it difficult to bond with my baby because of what has happened and that kills me. Having to make all new plans when I had already made them all with my husband included. My world has been turned upside down. My midwife went through my options and mentioned a C-Section and the more I am thinking about it the more appealing it is to me. This is my first baby so I have nothing to go by and I'm not looking for negative comments I just want to hear peoples experiences and any advice. Some of you may see what I'm saying as selfish.

If I have a C-section and the baby doesn't decide to come beforehand, it will be planned. And will bring a little stability in a point at my life where I have little.
I will have a scar but I will not have tears and trauma from a vaginal birth etc and my body will be in tact (I will keep something for me) and I know this part a lot of people may find selfish. Prior to what has happened I wanted a vaginal water birth, but I'm finding my outlook is changing and although it sounds sad I am starting to look at it a little clinically.
I think if I were in labour for hours and then had to have a C-section I would be exhausted and find it even more difficult to look after a newborn.
I know recovery from the C-section is difficult and its a big operation and should not be taken lightly but the recovery of either delivery takes time for your body to heal.
Does anybody have any experiences of an elective C-section?
I am not afraid of the pain of birth and even looking after the baby afterwards. These are not my reasons for considering a section.
Thankyou for listening and no negative comments please as I can imagine people will have strong opinions.

Oh gosh so sorry to hear what's happened op that's really stressful. Have you had any counselling?

I just wanted to say that
your body will not be "intact".
I've had 2 C-Sections & the recovery is not something I would wish to experience again. Someone cuts through your stomach & pulls a baby out. It's a huge operation and takes a lot out if you. Not to be taken lightly. You can't drive / lid stuff / exercise for 8 weeks. It really takes months to recover. Please consider this very carefully as you will be doing this on your own.

Friends who have had straightforward vaginal births seem to be up and about MUCH quicker.

So I guess what I'm saying is it's definitely not an "easy" option.

Good luck

Oh OP, I'm so sorry that your birth preparations have been changed by these revelations. What a terrible shock to you. You sound so lovely and don't deserve this at all.

I've worked with many hundreds of new mothers who have experienced just about every kind of delivery going. Unfortunately there's no guarantee that there won't be complications.

With a section, plan to be out of action for at least a week with another responsible adult on hand to help you. I remember going upstairs feeling fine, then not being able to get back down again until I'd been brought pain relief and it had kick back in again. However by day 10 I was able to go on longish walks with the buggy (sticking close to a bus route in case I needed help to get home). Not being able to drive was frustrating though and I'm glad I had plenty of shops in easy reach of my house. If I'd been more isolated it would have been awful. I've had friends with infected scars who have been readmitted and taken a very long time to recover.

A smooth vaginal delivery has a much quicker recovery, but of course there is no guarantee that it will be free of interventions.

However you choose to deliver your baby my advice is to build a strong support network right now so that you have plenty of emotional and practical support to fall back on. One of my NCT group has an operation as a new mother. We all took it in turns to spend the day with her so all she had to worry about was feeding her baby. We fed her and changed the baby. I was grateful for the company. It worked out well for all of us! Start getting to know pregnant ladies in your area and build that friendship group.

I wish you and your baby all the very best whatever you choose. It seems to me that your baby has a brilliant mum.

I think if I were in labour for hours and then had to have a C-section I would be exhausted and find it even more difficult to look after a newborn. In the nicest possible way, why do you think a section will be better in terms of difficulty in looking after your baby? It is major surgery, and should not be done lighlty. I have had 2 (one crash, one elective) and it really is not always easy.

There are lots of "good" c-section experiences on here so far, op. But there are also lots of not so good experiences. I got an infection in my scar with my second, and that laid me up for a further period of time. I was in a lot of pain, paracetamol didn't touch it and I was constipated because of the stronger painkillers, so pushing to (TMI) poo was painful on top of that, and the pain of having constipation in the first place.

No one tells you the reality because they don't want to put you off. But it isn't a walk in the park. Please don't naively assume that a section will be easier than a vaginal birth.

I had a semi elective after a failed induction and it was a great experience, recovery was much quicker than I expected, planning an elective for the next one too. Hope all goes well for you