breastfeeding in public

[kittenbaby]

hi girls
ive just been thinking about breastfeeding and i think its something i want to do well at least give it my best shot
do you know what puts me off though the fact its not our legal right to do it in public
which i think is outrageous
i think it must be horrible to do it in public and be told off
or to leave wherever you are
im shocked by the amount of people that think its disgusting !!

and have to put up with comments and stares
how do you go about dealing with this?
do you have any hints and tips?
or even better quick one liners to say to rude people? be good to have a quick answer to fire back at anyone that wants to have a go !!
im not very good at thinking of something quick to say at the time,then i always think afterwards ....why didnt i say such and such !!
im shocked by the amount of people that think its disgusting !!

I never had any comments either, and fed in all sorts of places. If they complain, ask them what they do when they're hungry. LO is just having his lunch/dinner/tea/elevenses/whatever.

maybe ive just had one bad exprience thats put me off, although along with a few comments from family and friends
as fillyjonk says family and friends can be the ones that make the comments

well what happned to me was i was in a busy town center pharmacy and a mum that was waiting for her prescription was sitting there bf her baby while waiting, i didnt even notice until about 5 people started having a go at her and muttering things
one man goes oh someones got there tit out over there in a really horrible putting down tone then he goes oh now shes got the other one out tut tut
she only had one out at a time she just switched over
his comments set this other old bat off she was about 57
who actually started having a right go as opposed to just making comments
she started saying
when theres facilities such as baby rooms they should be used! i tried to stick up for the lady because im havily pregnant and i felt sorry for her
so i said to the old bat she doesnt have to use the baby room if she doesnt want to because its flithy in there and stinks
old bat replied well its a private thing bf it should be done in private.
to which i replied its up to the mum where she wants to do it.
then the old bat startd saying it has to be done in private because otherwise the baby gets distracted! as if to say you dont know what your talking about your just pregnant
i was so mad i tried my best to stick up for the mum
but it really shocked me

aw kitten i can see why you are worried then

that is SO rare, tbh. have a look at that thread i linked to.

hopefully thats your one bad experience out of the way!

just get on with bf - most people are too busy to actually notice or care what others are doing.

Oh kittenbaby- that sounds like a horrid experience, BUT it is NOT common. Sometimes you do have to think of other people's feelings, particularly old people who can't cope with such things. I always went into another room to BF if my DP's grandad was about, for example. Just felt like he would feel uncomfortable (he is 90).

However, just like to echo that in general people dont notice, or if they do, they might stare for a second and then look away. I have BF everywhere... and the better you get at it, the easier this is to do discretely.

Don't worry! And enjoy BF, it's great.

Oh kittenbaby- that sounds like a horrid experience, BUT it is NOT common. Sometimes you do have to think of other people's feelings, particularly old people who can't cope with such things. I always went into another room to BF if my DP's grandad was about, for example. Just felt like he would feel uncomfortable (he is 90).

However, just like to echo that in general people dont notice, or if they do, they might stare for a second and then look away. I have BF everywhere... and the better you get at it, the easier this is to do discretely.

Don't worry! And enjoy BF, it's great.

whoops!

Just to go with what most other people seem to be saying, feed your baby where you like, baby rooms are often changing rooms and stink of dirty nappies, nobody wants to sit in them let alone eat their lunch in there!

If you try to be discreet, say by trying to cover the baby up, this usually brings more attention to it so just relax and get on with it.

People are can be so oblivious that they will touch the baby, not even realising you are feeding!

I've bf in public loads of times and never had so much as a look never mind any comments, negative reactions are the execption so please don't worry.

If someone does ask you to move just refuse, what are they going to do, pick you both up and throw you out?

If someone is complaining about you bfing they should be asked to move not you, why should your baby have its feed interupted?

And have you seen the breastfeeding manifesto? If you are worried about your legal write take a look and see if your MP has signed up. A few of us locally have been pestering our rather lazy MP and she has eventually signed:

[http://www.breastfeedingmanifesto.org.uk/]

Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.

kittenbaby, i can understand why you feel a little anxious about it, but please dont be. i bf dd (nearly 10 mths) anywhere and have never had 1 single negative comment
i was a little hesitant initially, but now just do it naturally and as if i have every right to be doing it (which of course i do )
i think that helps, if people can sense you feel uncertain, theyre more likely to pass comment i think
anyway, good luck, and well done for sticking up for the bfing mum!

No real problems here either for me. I fed everywhere, and with ds1 I wasn't good at being discrete - boobs just kept escaping.

(I do know that the cricketers at an MCC match were rather shocked when I fed in the pavillion (not at Lords) but I only heard about it second hand, and it was too late then - and a good learning experience for them too.)

thaks for all the positive advice girls
im gonna check out those other threads

yeah thats a good point tibsy that if i dont seem certain people are more likely to comment
so ill have to put on a confident front!
that incident just kinda made me feel like im gonna be attacked just for bf my own baby

friends of our where over at the weekend couple friends they dont have children yet but he was saying that he doesnt like to see bf feeding in public i said whyever not its only natural
he couldnt explain why he dissaproved just he wouldnt want to see it
i said why topless sunbathing doesnt bother anyone when there on holiday to which he replied well thats different to something sucking on a tit

but im not sure about how id feel doing it if my dad or fil where in the room
do you girls just do it if there there?
i think my dad maybe a bit embarressed they first couple of times then hopfully he'd get over it

maybe i should try to let theses comments go in one ear and out the other

I've never bothered who was in the room, fil, mil, anyone. The only comment I had from family was when my aunty said when are you going to stop him dangling off you like that. Know that she is very, very anti-bf anyway so just let it float over me.

I've always felt very proud that I bf, secure in the knowledge that my baby was getting all it needed just from me.

I could tell that my in-laws were a bit uncomfy but thats their problem, I certainly wouldn't go and feed somewhere else. If a person is uncomfy with you feeding your baby, for whatever reason, then thats their problem not yours, you will be doing the best for your baby.

Hi KB

I think that once you have given birth so much changes. In some ways, everything will seem confusing, but other things seem very very clear. You will know how much you want to breast feed - it's not easy for everyone, but I found that I was desparate to do it, and that overrode any embarrasment I had. I just didn't care what people think. I ended up feeding mine for a very long time.

You will find a balance that is right for you. You will know whether you feel comfy in front of family, whether you prefer to go off somewhere quiet, or whether you become a militant feeder who is out to convert the world to the wonder of bfing!

Best of luck in getting feeding well established.

(By the way, my favourite "one liner", which I never had to use, is to say "Well it's better than giving them a can of coke to drink isn't it?" People aren't shocked at folks letting kids drink all sorts of rubbish, but forget that this is a caring mum giving their kid the best start in life. It doesn't hurt to remind them!)

Hi, I never had a problem, there are so many places where you can do it easily - ie just about anywhere.
I'm a firm believer in being a bit discreet though. I found it much better to feed up the top. Of course there's always going to be the odd flash here and there, but I've seen some people (a tiny minority) feeding in ways which I found a bit un-necessary - ie undressing from shoulder and exposing entire boob. I can definitely see how that makes some people feel uncomfortable, especially when it's not exactly hard to throw a bit of muslin square over.
It's a respect thing really, I expect people to respect my choice to breastfeed my babies, but likewise I always felt I should show a bit of respect and not flaunt my huge boobs in people's faces!!

hi mum2george
think thats the way i need to start thinking
that if anyones got a problem with it then well its there problem

i just seem surrounded by people that make silly comments even my own mum
maybe if it was just the odd comment here and there id feel like its only the minority who have a problem
which seems to be the case

perhaps i just have alot of the minoroty around me lol

my sister in law bf but she never did it in front of anyone, but that leads to my mum making comments like rachael always goes home to feed baby she doesnt do it in public because shes not like that!
as if to say only show offs or sluts do!
but she only lives round the corner from mum n dad so its not really a hassle to go home then come back im a 30min drive
so if i was to go home to feed baby prob wouldnt even be worth going round at all
dont really want to have to go upstairs and hide away as if im doing something to be ashamed of

think its just the people around me making me feel this way
even last night the pil came over mil asked me how much do you weigh now?

i replied 11 and a half stone im 38 weeks and 5ft 5
i weighed about 9-9 and a half stone before pregnancy so as far as im concerned this is just about spot on.
and she goes oh my god !!you dont do you ?
then started shouting over to fil who was chatting to my dh about something else can you believe it she weights 11 and a half stone!! shes catching up with you !!!

Agree with you imtheirmum- nicely put. I think it is a good idea to be respectful of other people, even if you dont agree with their opinions/philosophies etc. This is true in all aspects of life not just BF.

With regards to feeding in front of friends and family my BIL once offered to take DD as she was sleeping and he wanted a cuddle, and had his hands on her before I could point out she wasn't asleep, actually...
FIL is the only one who seems somewhat uncomfortable with me feeding but is is more that I used to turf him out of the comfy chair so I could sit in it, he just didn't look at me while I was bfing. The only thing I would NEVER do in front of others is express......!

Kittenbaby, i don't know if anyone else has said this already so i apologise if someone has:

You have a right to feed your baby when your baby is hungry, irregardless of place.

your baby has a right to be fed whenever he is hungry.

legal or illegal doesn't come into it.

no one asks or needs the legal right to eat a sandwich on a park bench so why would anyone need a legal right to feed a baby on a park bench?

What women and babies don't have is stated protection in the law from harrassment when feeding in public.

Because some women have experienced harrassment makes women ask for protection from harrassment. It is asking for protection from discrimination, similar to many other forms of discriminations which also have legal protection from harrassment.

hope that wasn't too longwinded.

it is just that so many people including breastfeeding women feel like they are doing something illegal to feed in public when that is certainly not the case.

Hi
I was worried about this- not really cos of peoples comments but because I'm a bit shy. I plan to have a bit of a practice at home first to make it as unnoticeable as possible and for me to feel comfortable with it too. After I get this right I will be happy to BF in public.
I love the comment about the coke. If anyone says something to me, I want to say- 'yes, you are quite right. Please can you go and get me a can of coke and a chocolate muffin for the baby- its obviously so much better for them!'
XX

hi princess yeah that what i was planning on doing
do it at home first till i feel confident then go 4 it !
love the comment bout the coke from not quite grown up it really helps having a quick one liner up your sleeve
anymor quickliners greatley appreciated lol

Notquite, absolutely love the comment about the can of coke!

Imtheir, I think it is so true about showing respect. I never did flash my boobs, well not intentionally anyway.

What lead me to put about covering yourself up is that I read somewhere when DS was first born that you should drap a small blanket or something similar over your shoulder and the baby.

First time I fed like this in a coffee shop one of the older ladies who worked their came over and said "there's no need to cover him up like that duck, nobody in here minds and anyway he will get too hot. Anytime you want to feed him you just come in here". Needless to say I stopped using the blanket and have been a loyal customer to that coffee shop ever since.

I always did try to be discreet though, whether it was bfing tops or a vest type top and maybe a cardie.

Like you say, respect is important and nobody wants your boob in their face while they are out and about, even if I was pround of finally getting bigger than an A-cup

You might want to point out that opening the Sun on page 3 would reveal a lot more t*t than breastfeeding... and no-one's gone as far as banning reading the Sun from cafés and restaurants (maybe they should but on the basis of quality of content than quantity of boob).

I was out with a friend with a 6 week old the other day, and someone did actually say "Do you mind, I'm having my lunch" and without missing a beat she said "Not in the slightest, as long as you try not to disturb my Son while he's having his" accompanied by a winning smile...

Didn't hear a peep from the old duffer after that...

DB thats brilliant!
X

This girl's a legend.

It's her first and she's so chilled about the whole thing. Hanging out with her makes me think that this whole 'mothering' business just might actually be possible...

... without having a nervous breakdown...

I'm worried about this too, but I have invested in a ring sling with a long tail which hopefully with practise I can breastfeed in and drape the tail over him while he gets latched on.

I'm currently feeling uncomfortable about breastfeeding around family and friends, don't want them seeing my saggy boobs! Don't know how I'll feel once he's born though.