Excluded from works Christmas party

[Lauann]

Hi everyone,
Just wondering what your thoughts are?

A couple weeks ago I offered to book a table at a tapas restaurant for my sections Christmas do.
As I would have been 30 weeks pregnant by the time the do comes around, I asked if we could have a table so I could sit and if we could go somewhere for food (always hungry 🐷😂 and also would take my mind off the fact I can't drink all night).
Not everyone wanted a big sit down meal some wanted just to drink, so between us
decided to book a table at a tapas bar so people could eat if they wanted and just pick.

I called in sick today, my boss replied and said within his text to cancel the table as they are meeting early instead at a bar and there will be no food involved.

I'm quite upset at this and must admit I had a little cry (although cry at everything lately) I've been so excited as I hardly go anywhere and had even managed to find a lovely dress for the occasion.
I now feel really excluded and think it's a bit mean.
I understand not everybody wants to eat and it's a Christmas do so everyone wants to drink I have no issues at all with that. It's just that I feel they have purposefully pushed me out.

Am I overthinking this? Am I being silly being so upset?
xx

But you can drink? Just not alcohol? I'm sure you won't be the only one that doesn't drink/ is driving. I understand you're upset but I doubt they will have thought about it, unless there's a culture of drinking at your face of work.

place not face!

Why can’t you go for drinks?

Work Christmas do you go with the majority I'm afraid - you can go, wear your dress and just get something to eat whilst you're out - job done

I guess I just feel it was his response and the way it's come about.
They initially decided to get a table so there would be an option for everyone to eat if they wanted and to include me as I don't want to be going from bar to bar all night.
No fun when pregnant.

If this had been the initial plan i wouldn't have minded just wouldn't have gone.

I just feel like they changed the plans behind my back and excluded me on purpose.

Aw - yeah that sucks. The plan you made was totally sound. I suspect it is probably more to do with people/your boss being tight about paying for a meal than anything else. Or too many people being non committal about making the meal. I’m sure they didn’t mean to exclude you, most likely genuinely never crossed their mind that what makes a good pregnant night out is not the same as for those non pregnant! It’s is definitely a bit thoughtless - especially when changing it was discussed when you weren’t there.

Could you go to the drinks for a little while then meet your partner/a friend for a restaurant meal after? That way you get to enjoy the evening and wear your dress.

Slightly similar situation for me here. DH always does a Christmas do for his company and this year one of the wives has said she is booked all December and can’t come, and DH was like with me being pregnant as well maybe we’ll just do a guys meal. After he said it I realised I was a bit disappointed and I had kind of been looking forward to a Christmas do and finding a dress etc!

Is it a party where work pays or the individuals? Can people not stretch to food maybe?

Either way I really wouldn’t take it personally

@DinoMamasaurus
Yes that sounds very likely knowing the people in my team. I would have felt the same had I not been pregnant I would have wanted mostly to drink too. I totally understand that.
It was how the plans changed and made me feel a bit paranoid I suppose. Pregnant comes with so many hormones 🙄

That's a fab idea. I could still go and meet them for a little while and get to have my hair done and wear my dress then off for a nice meal in town 😁
Thanks for that suggestion - maybe you could do the same with your DH get him to take you somewhere nice it's lovely to glam up and have some time out x

@Namechangeforthiscancershit

No it's a section meal and we pay for ourselves
I'm trying not to take it personally I can't trust my emotions lately hence asking everyone for their advice. I've been on a massive downer and my hormones are everywhere and I don't trust my judgment. X

It does sound as if you persuaded them all to do something they didn’t want to and that they’ve been discussing it between themselves. Either that or your boss has pulled rank. Try not to see it as you being excluded, rather that they didn’t want to do it your preferred way.

I wouldn't take it personally - they are just doing what the majority want to do. You can always go and find a stool, have soft drinks and leave early.

You planned and organised a Christmas party that would suit you. It’s not what they all want. Nobody has uninvited you. They’ve just changed the plan to suit more people.

@Wolfiefan
To clarify the tapas bar was voted by everyone. There was an option of a pub crawl which nobody initially wanted to do. I took it upon myself to volunteer to book the table after it had been decided by everyone to go there

@HeddaGarbled
The table was actually voted for 😊 there were a few options from everyone and it was a majority vote so I volunteered to make the booking

I'm not sure you have quite been excluded I doubt that was what was intended. It's thoughtless especially asking you to be bothered to cancel it whilst off sick. Try and ignore. You will see be off on mat leave. Don't let it spoil this lovely time

“I asked if we could have a table”
So they didn’t ask for that. They may not have wanted a bar crawl but maybe they didn’t want to pay for food.

@Wolfiefan
I wasn't the only one that wanted a table. And the majority voted for the tapas bar. So clearly they did.

@NWQM
Thank you I guess it is more thoughtless on their behalf rather than purposefully excluding me

That sounds a bit mean after it was decided (voted on) and especially the way it’s been changed when you’re not there.

Are you planning on going back after you’ve had the baby?

It would make me feel less inclined to as he sounds like he might be a bit of an arse to work for if you have kids.

Anyway, go for drinks, leave when you like and enjoy the rest of your evening with your DH or actual friends.

It would make me feel less inclined to as he sounds like he might be a bit of an arse to work for if you have kids.

Because the Christmas party got changed?

@ILoveAutum

That's exactly why I am upset. Not at the fact they prefer to go drinking or plans changed its the way in which it came about 😩
I always had a great relationship with my boss but it became broken when I had my first baby. He doesn't want children and never intends to and hates speaking about kids in general. He has been good and sympathetic in the past but lately not so much

I don't think he is happy I have taken sick leave again this week (I was off three weeks ago with a sickness bug 😩)

I will go ahead and have a night out anyway as babysitter (my mam) has been booked xx

Your namechange has failed, just incase it's important!

This happened at my work for an event last week too. Someone floated the idea of a table; so people could eat or not, and everyone agreed. Table booked, then three days later, nobody wants to go anymore and it's cancelled in favour of the usual drinks. It's less commitment when people start planning; I think, plus easier on the budget.

It's not great for you; admittedly, but I'd do what a PP said. Cancel the table; let them arrange drinks, join for one or two soft drinks and disappear off for your own Christmas meal out instead!

It does sound as if you persuaded them all to do something they didn’t want to and that they’ve been discussing it between themselves.

^This is what I think too. Your boss has been nominated as the messager.

Yep Greendale. Me too.
“hates speaking about kids in general”. It’s work. You don’t need to talk about them.

@Wolfiefan you don't need to talk about them no. He doesn't need to talk about his dogs either, but does