Please help...breastfeeding struggle

[Hopehope20]

Hi,

I gave birth on Monday. He fed in the hospital no problems and we were sent on our way. Tuesday day and night he hardly fed at all which really worried me but then Wednesday day and night he fed lots so I felt much better. Overall though I was finding feeding very stressful and pressured as well as obsessing over whether I was doing it right or if he was getting enough. We had his 3 day check up today and were told...by a midwife with no bedside manner at all...He had lost 10.8% of his birth weight and that they have to put me on a feeding plan of feeding him and expressing after every feed to top him up. They want me to feed every 3 hours...but he has no pattern....sometimes he has loads of 10 minute feeds and other times they are longer. Had a 40 minute one today which is the best one so far. I have done as they say and have been using an electronic breast pump after feeds...but getting hardly anything out...not even half a teaspoon. I have not moved from the sofa all day and I actually feel really hopeless. Going back to see them.tomorrow and they will re weigh. But so scared I am not giving him enough or doing it right and therefore putting him at risk. Have you had any experiences like this or had it where your babies lost more than the 10% and were ok? I have had anxiety and have been getting help....I actually was coping really well until this appointment today and now I just feel like I am not cut out for any of this. So low 😥

Firstly congratulations

Hi, it sounds like you’re doing great- breastfed babies do lose a small amount of weight at the start then gain it again once breastfeeding has been properly established - very normal.

Re: the lack of feeding routine, again this is normal and is called cluster feeding - basically it’s kind of all over the shop in terms of how long they’re feeding/sucking for and the length of times between feeds - not long really as they are sucking to stimulate milk production so it will feel like they’re stuck on you continually for about a week Iirc (sorry it’s been nearly 1.5 years since I bf a newborn so timings are abit hazy). Do you have good support at home? I was lucky I could basically bed down with my babies when they were this small, set myself up with plenty of drinks, snacks and books/box sets and let them do their thing. Although yes there were plenty of times I needed someone else to hold them for 20 mins just to give me a physical break.

Also expressing isn’t a true reflection of how much your baby is getting as it’s not the same as a baby feeding which will manage to get more than you can express which is partly down to the oxytocin’s - that pins and needles type sensation called ‘let down’ which is when your body responds to your baby. Again it’s been a while so worth looking it up but there are helpful techniques to harness this - focus looking at and smelling your baby will help.

Has your midwife arranged for a breastfeeding consultant to come visit you?

What helped me enormously was to search terms like breastfeeding newborn baby and cluster feeding on MN - there’s loads of threads and made me feel less lonely when I realised how common it was to struggle to establish breastfeeding.

Also do consider contacting La Leche League (voluntary breastfeeding Advice group)

I’ll not kid you that it isn’t hard the first month or so, there’s been plenty of times I’ve cried and doubted myself, that my breasts and nipples hurt so much, that I felt so overwhelmed with this little life that 100% depended on me. There is no right or wrong way to feed a baby, I’m giving you my experience but what you decide is right for you and your baby is totally your call. I found the early days so so hard, I wish I could offer you more than an online hand hold

Sorry that was a right essay!

What ecumenicalmatter said.
Hang in there, what you pump is no reflection on what you produce. Lots of skin to skin. Keep you baby at the breast in bed or on the sofa skin to skin. I have breastfed all three of my children. One of them had a really hard time gaining weight back at the start. He did though. Good luck. You are doing great!

Hey there congratulations on your new arrival.

I'm surprised they're making you express before your milk has come in however the more you express the increase in milk production will happen regardless of how much you're getting out now. Are you using a manual or electric pump?

With my first I used a manual and I couldn't get much out. I now have the advent single electric pump which you can set to different rhythms and is fantastic. I find I get the most milk in the early hours because this is when you're body creates the most milk.

Cluster feeding newborns are totally normal and do not have 3 hour time slots, that's old bloody info. They feed when they need to.

With milk supply each breast is drink, meal, pudding. Always offer both breasts at each feed even if baby drops off to sleep ( a nappy change or burp in between always helps) it also means you are less likely to become engorged which can lead to mastitis.

Feeds can last on average 10-60 mins and can be really often at times especially during growth spurts.

Drink lots and have a biscuit, relaxing helps with the feeds.
If you need bottles of formula to top him up do it... Your need to know the baby is full is what you go with...

It takes a couple of weeks for you both to get the hang of things and your only measure of whether he is getting enough is whether nappies are wet, other than that just don't worry about it. If he is managing 40 minutes that's awesome. I think to begin with it's just 5 minutes or so each side.

I could never get on with electric pumps, so boob mangling! I used a syringe pump, cheap and easy and about £10 on Amazon.

It's called cisixin manual syringe pump £10.58 on Amazon.

I would avoid topping up with formula- baby is establishing breastfeeding and your boobs need to know how much he needs!

And totally agree with everything ecumenical matter says. The first days are tough : just hang in there, eat, feed all the time, relax, nap and don't worry too much about how much you're expressing.

Don't get off the sofa! In olden times (umm not clear about the details) mum's just stayed home and relaxed for the first month. Cluster feeding is normal. I went from crying and misery to being able to pump like a champ in a few weeks. But you have to let the baby feed when the baby wants. Which in DD's case was all the time. No less frequent than three hours but more as needed.

DD gained back her lost weight very quickly.

You are all making a very lonely, cluster feeding night, much more bearable and less scary. Thank you so much for all your comments and for helping me see it's not just me and that I am doing ok. I was not prepared for the world of self doubt when dealing with this little life I have created. Sounds like I just need to stick with it. Really hoping, although he was only weighed yesterday, that at my appointment today there is at least some weight gain. Fingers crossed. Thank you again xx I don't feel as alone

My stitches are infected and I have had about 3 hours sleep all week....so I just think on top of that...the world of feeding seems so much more overwhelming. I need to just take one day at a time I think x

Congratulations!
You sound like every new mum. You sound like you only want the best for your beautiful baby, and one word from a MW can put the fear of God into you.
Please try to just be with your baby, cuddling, snuggling, and getting plenty of rest, drinks, food, snax. Your baby is busy boob training, so long as you constantly offer the boobs for training! Any that you give in formula is less needed from your boob.

It's very hard to pump that thicker first milk, and your milk supply is establishing at this stage.
Please take heart and believe that this will all become second nature to you both. The tears probably also a sign of your milk coming in so there's going to be plenty. He just might have been a bit of a sleepy baby and only taking the the absolute minimum to keep snoozing, labours hard work for babies too and often they are sleepy, less feedy to begin with

Have you got anyone who can do some baby-holding while you sleep? You need to rest as well.

Ah, good to hear from you. The lack of sleep really does t help you any, its all a bit of a body and mind shock going through labour and settling with baby and dealing with after effects.
Are you doing salt water sitz baths? Or pouring warm salt water over you, like each loo visit?

Don't expect too much of anything, and yes, a day at a time, or even less, just get some sleep for now. When did he last feed?

Thank you! Xx

I do have a wonderful partner who tries to help out during the night. He will do anything to help, it's just hard because of the cluster feeding the baby just wants me constantly and won't settle otherwise. He is going to get up in a couple of hours so I can try and get some sleep before our appointment. From all the comments it does sound like I need to look after myself more which in turn could help. I am definitely not eating enough which won't help with my energy levels either. Gosh it's a tough business this human creating!

@shriek i am throwing hot water over me after each loo and then trying to have baths each day. I also have a large heamatoma the size of a plum so sitting and walking is agony as it is! So...He fed at 2 for 20 mins...then slept for 10...fed for another 10 then slept until 3...had another short feed at 3 and is currently asleep again...I am watching Sleepless in Seattle!!

Oh bless you. You will settle into this in no time. Always make extra food at dinner time, (your partner), then you can eat at night too. You will not make much energy giving milk unless you look after yourself well, and sleep well. You can make sure baby can't go anywhere and sleep together.

Just realised the irony of my film choice...

Yes, co-sleeping scares me but I think it's something I am going to have to look into. Need to remember that looking after myself is the same as looking after my little man. Thank you for your support

Ha ha! Try to get some sleep love. Even if it's just dozing with telly on in the background. Your body needs to heal. So sleep needed.
Try tickling toes to keep him more awake for longer than 10 min feeds each time. He's just sleepy.

Try to keep your little man on your side, you will naturally feel him in your sleep, your dp can't be relied upon to do the same I'm afraid.
Get comfy with little man on your tum, and relax and snooze. You will wake if he snuffles.

Ah ok will try that. I do love his toes!!

Never cosleep on the sofa. But research safe cosleeping and see if it's for you. And have your partner look after you, as well as the baby. It's the same thing anyway!