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Original poster

It’s twins - “are they natural?” 😡😡

67 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 08/11/2018 07:04

Why does that question irk me so much?

Well my twins aren’t aliens but yes we did go through 5 grounds of gruelling IVF to get there.

How about the first thing people say is “congratulations, that’s wonderful news”

I’m not ashamed of my IVF treatment, far from it but really, should that be the first thing people ask when they find out you’re having twins?

OP posts:
sashh · 08/11/2018 09:50

Natural is uncommon these days

'Natural' has always been uncommon. IVF has increased the number of non identical twins but not identical.

I taught identicle triplets once, I dread to think the questions their parents were asked.

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/11/2018 09:58

I used to chat with the Grandmother of triplets at the park each week, she always had two of the children so Mum could have 1:1 with each child. She told me there was no help with conception but I would never have asked.

LBNM19 · 08/11/2018 10:28

I wonder what goes through people's heads sometimes. I personally would never ask someome that.

I'm pregnant with my 4th baby and it's my 4th boy i get comments all the time about it hopefully being a girl, i don't always tell people what I'm having if they ask and haven't put it on social media as i no i will get the football team comments or they will ask if I'm going to go for number 5 (defiantly not) 😂

justilou1 · 08/11/2018 10:36

Oh yes... “Whatever made you choose to have twins?”
“Just a silly whim.... Wonder what I was thinking at the time” FFS!!!

beefchowmein · 08/11/2018 10:37

I would never ask a parent how their child was conceived, twins or not. It’s just very personal and not something you drop into casual chitchat imo. Same as ‘was it planned?’/‘did it take you long’ etc Just all rude to talk about unless the person themselves volunteers the information and starts the conversation.

However I do think the ‘are they boys or girls?’ ‘Ooh you’ve got your hands full’ is just harmless chat and strangers trying to be friendly and show an interest

BiologyMatters · 08/11/2018 10:41

Meh I like it when people want to talk to me about my twins.

Taytotots · 08/11/2018 10:50

As said above, welcome to the twin club op! - and all the stupid twin questions. My favourite was when my gynaecologist asked if my boy girl twins were identical Confused - his nurses took the piss out of him for that! People do mean it nicely so I never minded too much and sometimes quite nice to have a friendly chat. Although the IVF questions are a bit intrusive! Funnily enough I never got that one but did get the 'are there twins in your family?'. Which until pointed out above I didn't realise could maybe be a less direct way of asking. Mine aren't IVF and we have loads of twins on my dad's side - for some reason I thought had to be on my mum's to increase likelihood. You will find out a lot about people's family/friends who are twins too - whether you want to or not! Just wait until the terrible twos when you are frantically pursuing them around somewhere - hands full/double trouble comments. Very helpful Hmm.

Happyandshiney · 08/11/2018 11:06

Meh I like it when people want to talk to me about my twins.

So do I Biology but nevertheless I’m not prepared to discuss my 6 years of heartbreak and ivf with strangers and acquaintances in the supermarket queue just to satisfy their idle curiosity.

twinsontheway2019 · 08/11/2018 11:12

It's not about being ashamed or embarrassed by IVF, it's just frankly intrusive for people to ask.

I am expecting naturally conceived, identical twins but my story is not a happy one leading up to that point so it irks me to be asked.

Following that question it's are they identical (yes, two girls), usually followed by wouldn't your prefer one if each, are you sure that's not possible?

The above are annoying questions but what really makes me angry are the sarcastic 'poor you' or 'good luck' comments, or the 'wow, how will you cope' or 'that's expensive'. As I progress through my pregnancy my comments get snarkier but it's a case of having to cope because I know how lucky & blessed I am & I wouldn't give this up for anything.

All you twin mamas to be, you got this, you will survive it & don't be afraid to be blunt with people as I find it's most effective 🤣

Flamingosnbears · 08/11/2018 11:20

Don't even give their stupidity an answer
Congratulations 🎊

multiplemum3 · 08/11/2018 11:25

I didn't realise twins without ivf was uncommon? Everyone I know, myself included, conceived twins "naturally"

Waterdropsdown · 08/11/2018 11:29

Twins can run in a family and then a person in that family could have twins via ivf
Stupid people ask stupid questions. I’ve had them all and now I make up answers depending on how much I can be bothered speaking to a particular person....

Mayhemmumma · 08/11/2018 11:33

Gosh that's a rude question! I'd have to say yes they are perfectly natural babies..
Gah.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/11/2018 11:43

Most of the twins I know aren't IVF twins.

'double the trouble' ..... I just used to reply 'double the fun'.

In a lot of ways the attention is nice, there is something rather special about having two babies at once ..... but when you're sleep deprived and are just trying to dash round Sainsbury's for a few bits you don't really want a long convo on their conception/birth/personalities.

Another one -'how do you cope, I know I wouldn't have done' ..... well what choice was there, other than 'to cope'.

We tried to conceived for four years, inc one miscarriage ... so finally falling pregnant with two was amazing really.

Happyandshiney · 08/11/2018 11:58

when you're sleep deprived and are just trying to dash round Sainsbury's for a few bits you don't really want a long convo on their conception/birth/personalities.

Very true!!

As for those saying all the non-id twins they know are “natural”.. is that an assumption or you actually know?

Very, very few of our friends know that my two are IVF.

I’m as Water suggests, someone who has twins in the family but also had IVF.

I have been asked if they were “real” twins. Hmm

GemmeFatale · 08/11/2018 12:23

I’ve asked a friend before, but she knew I was doing my second round of IVF and I knew she had worried about conceiving due to some heath problems in her teens.

God, I hope I didn’t offend or upset her.

Nitpickpicnic · 08/11/2018 12:37

Imagine the questions my friend gets when she’s wheeling around her two babies- one’s 11 months, one’s 8 months. Her eggs & her Dh’s sperm, two surrogate mums.

Never once has made it through a trip to the shops without being accosted for the backstory. She’s thinking about getting pamphlets made up.

Oobis · 08/11/2018 12:46

When my beautiful twins were babies, I went to a food festival. As I pushed the pushchair towards a stall, I was greeted by a huge beaming smile from the stall holder who said "well aren't you clever?!" (It looks sarcastic when written but it truly wasn't). This one gentleman has offset every question I've ever been asked. Which to be fair, I can't DST I mind that much in all honesty. Just people showing an interest in something they haven't experienced. I love the "Ive got twins too" comments, especially from really old ladies. What a different experience they had to me, it's mind blowing.
And just think, if you had a St Bernard, you'd be in for a full 15 years of "how old is he?" and "how much does he eat?" 🤷‍♀️

Kokeshi123 · 08/11/2018 12:47

Well everyone I know that has twins did so through IVF. Natural is uncommon these days

No. Most twins are conceived naturally.

The twinning rate of IVF has actually gone down quite a lot in the past 15 years because the refinement of the the techniques mean that doctors are less incline to put in loads of blasts in the hope that one sticks. It is more and more the norm to put in just one at a time (though identical twins can still result from this, of course). And the triplet rate for IVF has gone right down.

blueskiesandforests · 08/11/2018 12:59

Nitpickpicnic presumably the question everyone is itching to ask is why the fuck would you do that? Why 2 surrogate pregnancies at once? What if both had resulted in ID twins? Why not just one pregnancy at a time?

Also surely most people would assume shes a childminder/ nanny share/ babysitting one of the babies if the age difference is obvious.

Original poster
didihearthatright123456 · 08/11/2018 13:38

I really look forward to talking about our twins more, having 2 babies at once is so special and because you don't see it that often people do notice, and I'd be thrilled for someone to take the time out to smile and ask about them, but like Happyandshiney said I don't particularly want to go into the years and years of heartbreak before we got our little miracles. Asking if they are "natural" feels as though they are somewhat not worthy of the title twins and you feel as though people are a little disappointed when they're not "natural"

I'm only in my 2nd trimester so can't wait for when I'm like a weeblewobble and can barely move. I'm sure I'll get the "are you sure it's not triplets lol"

OP posts:
Happyandshiney · 08/11/2018 14:04

Not to worry OP you’ll have lots of lovely conversations with random strangers about your babies.

People telling you how beautiful they are, what a wonderful job you are doing and asking you all sorts of interesting questions about them.

If I’d had a really bad night or day a quick walk through my village was usually enough to buck me up. Some nice person would always stop me for a wee look in the pram.

In among the annoying conversations there are lots of lovely ones.

One day when mine were about 10 months we were in a cafe and a very elderly couple stopped me to tell me that watching me talk to my babies over lunch had absolutely made their day. They’d apparently had a second cup of tea so they could stay a bit longer. Grin

My D.C. had both just started walking so I’d been feeling a bit frazzled that week and I nearly burst into tears they were so nice to me.

I have as many nice memories like that as I do annoying ones. Twins are really fun - you’ll be exhausted but you’ll also have an absolutel blast.

Not much in the world sounds better than two babies howling with laughter at each other.

SinkGirl · 08/11/2018 15:44

You’ll start getting the “any day now” comments soon 🙄

It is nice that people want to talk to you, but it gets annoying when you’re just trying to get round the shop or to a hospital appointment and everyone wants to talk to you.

Then one day I was in waitrose and this lovely old lady stopped me - she said how gorgeous the boys were and then she started crying. She told me she had been a foster Mum and she had fostered 98 babies and children and had a few sets of twins and they still visit her now. It was absolutely lovely and made my day.

HereForTheLineEyes · 08/11/2018 16:00

We have 3 sets of twins in our mums and tots group of about 30 kids. I know one set was natural because the mum was telling me all about it, but I didn't ask. I do think twins seem to be more common now, I didn't know any growing up, now there are 2 sets in my extended family.

I have 3 DC, 2 of which are 15 months apart. I constantly get "you've got your hands full there Smile " from people, and it's never bothered me. My hands are full and I love it.

I was once also used as an example of someone who was a bit frazzled. I was at a group where mums meet up for a coffee and a chat, and the organiser said something along the lines of "we all need a bit of support and a cup of tea or coffee...especially when your rushed off your feet like hereforthelineeyes....." no harm was intended. I didn't mind.

m0therofdragons · 08/11/2018 16:05

I was asked if we were trying for twins! How does that work?!

I actually think people are fascinated rather than judgemental so I'm always happy to reply.