Shit midwife?

[AnonyMousee]

Hi all, first pregnancy, 38 weeks.

I have no idea about the size of my baby, and if she is 'engaged'

At my midwife appointments she takes my blood pressure, wee sample, checks the heartbeat and feels my tummy then that's it. I know she's head down but apart from that I have no clue about her being engaged? If she's big/small? if she thinks she's going to be early/late?

People keep asking me is she's engaged yet but I'm going to be honest, I'm not actually sure what that bloody means!!! Midwife isn't telling me much and feel a bit lost ??

Check your notes, it should say in there - it'll be something/5

My midwife said she never mentioned it because they can bob up and down going from engaged to not, daily

Also to add. My midwife has not given me her number so I can't even call/text her for advice, I only have the hospital I will be delivering at triage number ...

Pressed send too early!

Your due date is only an estimate, and I've never heard a midwife advising whether they think a baby will be late or early tbh.

If you want to know these things, why not ask her?

I've never had my midwife's number either - I was given a contact after birth, but I can't imagine being able to call or text them!

Any estimate of baby’s size is an educated guess.
They come when they’re ready and not all babies engage first.
You don’t need the midwife’s number. Imagine if every patient called her every time they had a query or thought or twinge etc.

How does she know these things though? She would be a shit midwife of she told you any of these things as they would only be estimates.

I think you are expecting a wee but too much to be honest 😂 I don't think engagement or even dilation/ effacement matters a hoot to the baby who will come when they decide to come!

Although I can sympathise I do remember how desperate I was for my first to come. Also never called or text the midwife and wouldn't really expect to be able to, to be honest. I did get the HV number when they baby was born who text me a couple of times but never midwives.

Ah okay I'm just going off of what friends have experienced.

Seems a lot of my friends are having their first/second babies at the same time as me and they always say 'my midwife thinks baby will be early/late, that he's 6lbs, I just text her to ask if this/that is ok'

I thought it was normal because of this

Unless the midwife is actually a human ultrasound/ fortune teller she can't tell you how big your baby is or when you are going to deliver.

You are being ridiculous on those points. Sorry.

If the baby is engaged it will say in your notes it will be something/5.

My midwife team has never given out mobile numbers, presumably because they have massive caseloads and don't need to be hassled, any queries are dealt with by duty midwives at the birthing centre.

It sounds like your midwife is following standard procedure for a normal pregnancy, not being 'shit'.

I'm.not sure midwives do anything else other than what you have happening.
I've never the midwives phone number just the hospital number.
Also the engagement doesn't matter as they bob up and down and out.
Hope all goes well

No. It isn’t normal. And unless your midwife has a crystal ball and trained at Hogwarts then it’s just a guess!

Do you have handheld notes? If so it should all be recorded in there. Engagement is when the head moves down into the pelvis towards the end of pregnancy. The degree of engagement is measured by how many fifths of the head are palpable - “2/5” or “1/5” usually means engaged, “free” means not in the pelvis at all. Some people feel increased bladder pressure when the head starts to engage. Mine was 3/5 palpable today at 36+2 so not quite engaged yet.

Your measurements should be plotted on a growth chart in your notes but measurements of your bump are often not very accurate in predicting how big the baby will be and they track them mainly to check that growth hasn’t suddenly slowed or accelerated.

The midwife won’t be able to tell you if the baby is likely to come early or late, there’s not really any way to tell, annoyingly.

It sounds like your midwife is doing everything that should be done but just not explaining things to you very well.

I've had 3 babies and have never had a midwife's number, never had an estimate of size or whether the baby will be early/late. They write a number /5 for how engaged it is but I never knew what they meant

Yeah I think it's your expectations that are the issue here OP. Literally no one (maybe the baby?) knows when they're going to arrive. In most areas the bump is measured to indicate whether you're growing at a normal rate, although it's fairly accepted that it's a bit of a shit measure. Baby's size would only be estimated from a growth scan, which you'd be referred for if there were concerns about your growth. They're also wildly inaccurate. Just having a triage number sounds perfectly normal - they're there if you have concerns. They're only like band 6s, they're definitely not paid enough to be available to answer every pregnant lady's queries 24/7 - honestly, you'll find the answer to most of your questions on the nhs website or elsewhere on the internet.

Oh and no midwives ever mentioned how engaged she was until she was actually engaged. Maybe yours isn't yet?

Midwives are loathe to make any estimates on actual delivery date- when I went into sloooooow labour on a Monday, they conservatively told me they thought I’d have had the baby by the weekend.

I don’t blame them to be honest- the only time I’ve heard of them saying they thought baby would be there by 39 weeks, the mother inevitably went 14 days overdue and had to be induced. Understandly, the mother felt very pissed off that she’d spent an extra 3 weeks being pregnant than she’d been promised!

Oh, and I don’t have a mobile number for my midwife - just a number for the community co-ordinator for routine stuff and then the Maternity Unit for urgent problems out of hours.

I didn’t have my midwife’s number either but she was pretty useless anyway.

Talk to your GP, I found they were much more helpful.

Can you imagine the type of shite midwives would get asked if they gave every woman their number?

“I accidentally sniffed my DP’s shandy- will my baby be born with 3 heads?”

I know late pregnancy can send you a bit mad, but I think the thought of actually sounding out a ridiculous question over the phone to a busy midwife is a great way of working out if I actually needed to ask the question!

Have you been to any childbirth education classes or read a (reputable book?). You do have to take responsibility for your own health too.
Engagement is the head lowering into the pelvis. Have you asked her how high the head is when she feels your tummy or what she thinks about position?

I can imagine the appointments are very short so not a lot of time to give all the education a midwife would like

Okay guys thank you for responding , as I said (if you read the thread) I'm basing these expectation off the fact that 2 close friends who had their babies in the past 2 months have informed me that this is the care they received from their midwives. I'm a first time mum so I didn't know what was normal.

I have my answer now.

I don’t think you’re being unrealistic based on what friends and family have said. My sister gave birth 3 weeks ago and she had lots of midwife appointments where she was told how engaged they thought the baby was. Also all of my pregnant friends except from me have a dedicated midwifes mobile number and they always text or call. I don’t as I’m in a midwife pool at a birthing centre. .... so I don’t think you’re being unrealistic as other people seem to get this advice

Xxx

They gave Mobile number in my area but the rest I wasn't told. They never told me much else they might have made chit chat when feeling bump and say ohhh babies low there's baby's head. A decent midwife would never tell if babies early or late as its just nonsense. Seems like preety standard care your receiving. If you have questions just ask they'll answer.

I had the same experience OP.

But it wasn't RL friends it was online friends. I couldn't understand why they knew so much about being engaged etc and my MW said nothing.

I'm on my third child now and know just to look at my notes . then realise I still don't understand a word and have to google it all

I guess your friends MW's were just really talkative and open.
The way your MW is, is much more normal.
If you have questions about engaging baby etc ask on your next visit.

It depends on the program you are on. If you are on case load midwifery generally you will have their phone number, and a more personalised experience as your midwife is your primary carer. If you are going through a clinic and overseen by the obstetrician then the midwife is not the primary carer so you tend to just have minimal midwifery contact, and you turn up when in labour.

sneaky political agenda if people reading this thread would prefer a more midwifery based birth then write to your MP’s, hospitals, talk to the Midwives how you can get involved in demanding that ALL women have a RIGHT to midwifery led Care. That birthing units shouldn’t have funding cut. That just because you’re high risk it doesn’t mean you can’t be case load managed that women and babies have better outcomes when they have midwifery led Care. Rant over

All the best for your birth OP