Being asked if pregnancy was planned?!

[Leafy2018]

Just got to get this down. I have been asked two or three times now whether our third pregnancy was planned. Wtaf? One was by a mum in the playground (she's really nice and clearly didn't see anything wrong with asking) and I've just been asked again today by a man from a very reputable nationwide removals company. Within five minutes of coming it he decided it was ok to ask me 'whether it was planned or a surprise'. I mean, it's rude, invasive and you are literally asking about whether my husband and I had a slip up with our contraception! I answered that the most surprising this was being asked that question! As it happens it was very much planned but that isn't the point! Why should I be asked that question!

I was very surprised when I was pregnant with my first how often this was asked- at work, by friends and family. I ended up saying “No, the condom broke” quite a bit, which shuts them up but then I am a gobby cow.

Being in my forties pregnant with my 4th with a ten year gap to my next youngest I was asked that a lot! We had an unplanned pregnancy when we got relaxed about contraception as we we got older which I sadly miscarried, then decided to actively try, lost a few more babies over the next year so then decided to stop trying as it was heartbreaking. I then found out I was pregnant again and this time all was well. So we kind of were trying but kind of weren’t. I also found it emotional to talk about so wouldn’t try to explain, just replied yes , it was and that we were delighted ( which we were!).

I was asked this So Many Times!

In the end I went with "well, we tried to train the cats to make a cup of tea but the lack of opposable thumbs got in the way somewhat so we thought we'd have a baby"

@Sparkles1992 exactly the same for me! Im 25, married, first baby and ive had many people at work ask me if it was planned

I'm bracing myself for this. I'm 25, married, been together for nearly 9 years, mortgage. It was the right time for us to have a baby and we have been trying for a year. Close friends and family know this, but you'll always get a few idiots.

I get this, I also have been asked if I had IVF (I’m 38). I get that people are often just trying to make polite small talk but I think sometimes they just don’t actually realise what they’re saying!

@leafy2018 we just had our third and a six year gap. I got asked loads if this one was planned which it was. I think it's because people thought after such a gap that we were finished. And also because two seems to be the ideal now for so many. It always took me aback to be asked so bluntly. And if you have two of the same sex already the next comment is usually oh going for the boy or girl whichever you don't have. Grrrr

So many people asked if I knew what we were having too. I used to stroke my bump and reply "yeah, it's a baby. My husband wanted a cat but it's definitely a baby, we made the sonographer check twice".

Yeah very rude of people to ask

I have three and no one asked me that. It's something typically asked if you have a big gap. It's making causal conversation. Get over it.

Sadly there are lots of rude people about. Since I’ve been pregnant I’ve been shocked by many things people have said, from asking if it was planned to comments about the fact that my partner and I are not married. More than one person has used the b-word. People really are unbelievable sometimes!

I've been told in the last week "I take it this wasn't planned then?" "Was this a bit of an accident?" "You said after DS that you didn't want more...so I'm guessing this wasn't part of the plan?" "You kept that quiet...how come you didn't tell us sooner, were you not sure what to to...?" I told people at 12 weeks!!!! The norm!!!

For context...we've been married 3.5 years, son is 2.5, we've been together 10.5 years...I'm not really sure where all the doubts are coming from?!

Rude and annoying!!! But I think it's just the way society is these days...no filter!!!

Thanks @leafy2018

Congrats @PoachedEggOnToast ! When are you due? Really odd question isn't it, suppose people are just making conversation etc but it's still a bit too personal!

Completely bad manners. My boss over the phone asked Did I know? I asked Did I know what? And he was basically asking was I trying in a roundabout way. I'm 32 DS is 5 married 8 years why does he need to know either way?!

We’ve had people tell us what a surprise it was for us to find out I was pregnant. Um... no, each pregnancy has been planned.

Crazy isn't it! I've been asked a few times too, one was my dad! Not sure why anyone thinks it's any of their business? My baby was very much planned but don't know why that would make a difference?? X

I think a lot of people ask silly questions like was it planned because they're surprised by the news of your pregnancy and that's just what comes to mind first.

I am in a same sex marriage and am pregnant and even I have been asked: was it an accident? Seriously! I just looked at this person and said "do you want to think about how that could even happen?"

I hate this, two main interactions come to mind though, bearing in mind we’re both 28, own our own home and are engaged:

My partner’s boss, when informed of the pregnancy (for Pat leave etc.) asked whether we were happy about it, and ”is it congratulations?”

My future-FIL simply said “Oops!”. Eeeerm, no. Very much planned and wanted thank you very much!

I hate this too I am pregnant with my first and never thought people actually asked this but have been caught off guard so many times.

The other thing I've noticed is when we told people they would say congratulations and then say well done to my husband!! This really peed me off!

@Starrygirl12 - Yeah, we've had that too. 'Well done' and a hand shake lol. Even my husband cringed.

I've also been asked (by one of my bosses) 'happy?' - of course I am, but what would he do if I wasn't, I burst into tears or something! Craziness!

What's the right answer when work ask? I'm 42 and I'm telling them tomorrow. I feel if I answer 'no' then DH and I are irresponsible but if I answer 'yes' then they feel like I've been going behind their backs and planning maternity leave!!

@mellongoose - it's none of their business either way but I certainly wouldn't feel bad about whether they think you've been planning it / mat leave. Xxx

It is rude but it’s just small talk, it’s just one of those things that pops out of people’s mouths without thinking.

I had twins so people would ask me if it was planned when they saw my bump and then if I mentioned it was twins would immediately ask if it was IVF.

I used to occasionally respond “whete were your own children conceived?” and wait for them to get the message.

After they were born people would say “are they identical?” While looking at my clearly non identical children.

For some reason in the subject of pregnancy or babies there are standard questions people pop out - several of them are fairly rude.

Midwives/doctors are the only ones who have a pass regarding this question, they have good reasons to.