I hope my abortion fails! Chances?

[JaneStudy]

Sorry, i dont know where this goes so might have posted twice :/
Hello, i'm 24, partner is 28. Found out i was pregnant 2 weeks ago. Wasnt expecting it! I didnt know what to do so we rung an abortion clinic because of the waiting list for 2 weeks away so we'd have time to think but also that option.

Over those 2 weeks, i became attached to my baby but knew i had a uni degree to complete and no job.

Abortion day arrived and i was certain i was going to keep it but went anyway for the scan and to be sure. Found out we were meant to be having triplets but one hadnt formed probably so was just a floating cell and 2 identical twins. This was a shocker!! And the idea of twins petrified me. The midwife give us time to think but my partner immedietly said "we cant deal with twins" and i agreed because at the time i was shocked and genuinly believed i couldnt cope. I saw the scan and the heartbeats sad

2 hour wait for the medical pill. My boyfriend was googling twin videos and seemed excited but he didnt really say he wanted to keep them.

Anyway, we were called in and I took one pill orally and 4 others were inserted in the vagina by the midwife. My boyfriend did look deeply upset before i took them but I thought we both knew what we wanted since in the 2 weeks prior he had been adament they were just a bag of cells.

I also have a kidney infection so i have quite bad back pain. The midwife said the sac should pass by 8pm.

I felt fine, and bleeding started at 5pm. This is when i broke down in tears and realised my mistake. I felt fine but was bleeding until 7:30pm where i had a 5 minute cramp (which wasnt too painful, just felt more like my back was hurting and i needed a poop) so went for a poop and i then i felt fine, cramp was gone, but still bleeding of course.

Anyways, i've been bleeding for 2 days now, and it's usually just watery blood - sometimes just a line, sometimes spread around the pad.

No cramps, and only a few blood clots - some black. But no sign of sac? Well, I havent felt or notice it pass?

I'm praying this is a failed abortion! Is it possible one could survive? Or it could be the floating cell which is leaving my body?

I take a pregnancy test next saturday and i'm hoping it comes back positive. I made a massive mistake and cant stop crying sad

How did it go?

Hope you're okay OP

My babies have gone :( something i'll just have to live with

What a horrible time to go through. I'm glad you now know what you both really want. I would suggest waiting till you finish your course or get a job though. Having a baby is hard and having financial issues on top of it would be awful. Bring a baby into the works when it would be fair to the baby. Not just cause you want it.

The only plus was I thought i was infertile due to irregular periods (hence the shock), but the midwife said i'm extremely fertile and likely to have twins in the future!

No offence but there is actually no way to tell if someone is 'extremely fertile' from getting pregnant the once and no way to tell if you'll likely have twins in the future. Identical twins are a genetic fluke.

@dontalltalkatonce sorry if you were offended by that statement but that's what the midwife told me and that's what i'll listen to.
I went to see my GP after the appointment too as I was feeling rather down and she also confirmed that I had a high chance of having twins in the future due to conceiving triplets in my first pregnancy,

But anyway, that is not.my main concern right now, it wouldnt bother me in the slightest having 1, 2 or 3 babies, you dont kmow what you have until it's gone!

Jane it’s really common to feel the need to TTC after having an abortion. It might be worth speaking to someone professional about your experience before running into this.

I'm not offended, it's just erroneous.

@dontalltalkatonce well that's your opinion, and that's what i've been told medical professionals, and it's a thought which brings me happiness after feeling so down for 3 weeks, and i'd like to keep it that way :)

@Poster65 thanks for your concerns, and i appreciate the comment! I know i'm probably still really hormonal, i didnt bleed for a week so I thought it was over so 2 days ago seeing more blood brought back all the emotions. I just want it to stop now.

I’m glad you didn’t think I was being rude saying that, it came from the heart. I’ve had one myself, and it was so easy to want to heal the emotional pain quickly.

@Poster65 I know, i find it so weird how emotional i am about it, i never expected it! I honestly thought I would just walk in and walk out feeling relieved. But it was quite the opposite.
Tbh though, i think i did know i wanted the baby, but my partner was so adament about abortion that I didnt feel right bringing a baby into the world if he doesnt want it (since i always believe in listening to his opinions too and i take his feelings very seriously), so afterwards, when he said that once he saw the scan, he wanted them, I felt a bit of envy towards him, which has passed now.
I'm still so so angry at myself and how i didnt go with my gut :(

I feel crazy that i'm praying this faint positive = a new baby.
I have never ever been obsessed with having a baby before, but now it's all that's on my mind

Op I just wanted to tell you that I was also attached to my baby but decided with my head and not my heart to have an abortion (and my dickhead boyfriend told me he’d see it as a betrayal if I kept it ). This was 14 years ago and I was devastated.

Now I have an 8 year old ds and I don’t regret for a second things turning out the way they did.

Wishing you all the best, take good care of yourself. X

@RobertDeNiro are you still with that boyfriend? Thank you for telling me a positive story, i really need it :) i think many people can belittle the feelings that come after abortion because it is seen as your choice so why be so upset? but, my god, does it emotionally hurt. I know it'll get better with time, but i'll never ever forget the twins that couldve been xxx

I have never ever been obsessed with having a baby before, but now it's all that's on my mind

I'm sorry things didn't work out as you'd hoped.

I would wait at least a few months before TTC. Let the pregnancy hormones settle, work through your emotions, then decide if you really want to TTC or whether it's just the (understandable) mix of emotions you are feeling.

If you do decide to TTC in a few months the short delay won't have caused harm, and you and your partner will have had time to work through your feelings before a new pregnancy.

@janestudy no thank god he’s long gone. I’ve been married for ten years.
I agree it feels like you’re not expected to be devastated after an abortion but for me personally I went on a mental health spiral to some very dark places. Take very good care of yourself and your body while it’s recovering. I know the loss feels rough and you want to take the pain away with a new pregnancy (completely understandable) but maybe take a bit to breathe and regroup, there’s no rush to get pregnant straight away off the bat. Your body and mind could probably do with a breather after that. X

Identical twins are a genetic fluke. Non-identical twins are potentially less of a fluke because it may mean you produce more than one egg per cycle.

Sorry for your loss, OP

It was meant to be triplets (but one didn't fully form properly) - it was 2 identical, 1 unidentical; Hence the midwife and GP emphasising my fertility and the high chance of twins in the future,
This is not something that i'm particularly bothered about in the long-run though, I just added it in in my original post because it brought me some happiness,
Thank you for responding though

@RobertDeNiro thank you! It's always a comfort to know that other people have felt the same, I thought i was just crazy I've done some retail therapy the past few weeks though! Need to get back to exercising and stop eating junk though!!
Time to stop feeling sorry for myself.

You need to give yourself time to mourn your loss.

Your hormones are everywhere. You have just experienced a trauma. The fact that you regretted taking the pills just enhances your feelings of bereavement.

I'm sorry for your loss. Hopefully you can find peace. But jumping into another pregnancy when all the same barriers are there may not be the solution.

Take time to grieve and evaluate your life. It may be that it's best to wait a while before ttc.

I had a mmc and my initial thoughts were to ttc immediately. I wanted to replace what I'd lost. I just wanted to be pregnant. But we waited a few months and I'm so glad that we did. I needed time to come to terms with what had happened.

Oh I wish you all the happiness in the world you will heal in time.

Thinking of you lots OP. How are you?

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this OP. I also had a termination that I bitterly regretted. It was my 3rd DC and I didn’t think I could cope with another so close to my eldest too. I was devastated immediately afterwards. 2yrs later I am now pregnant with a much loved, much wanted 3rd child so I don’t judge you at all for TTC. Do get some proper counselling though - I had it on my own and as a couple and it really, really helped.