Can't agree on a name

[Htaylor182]

This is my second child, OH first. the name I ended up picking with my first was actually one my mum suggested at the beginning and I stuck my nose up at it. And then after we had our gender scan and found out it was a girl, I said it just fits so we called her what my mum had originally suggested.
This time around pretty much same thing, were having a boy though, we had girls names sorted ish.OH is a tree surgeon and wanted tree based names which is easy for a girl, Willow etc. I have re read names books over and over could not find a boys name I liked. And then one day I stumbled accross a name and it just 'clicked'. I don't know anyone with that name, and it's unusual but not too out there.
Now OH says it's not a strong manly name. He likes Oryan, Zuess, Illex.all really stupid, weird names (apologies if anyone has actually called their child this) but for me they are just ridiculous. It's actually making me become really anxious and panicky that I am going to be lumbered with having to choose one of his names when I have already called the baby the name I want. I said he can choose a middle name but again he's coming up with stupid choices, Forrest (which he desperately wants as a first name too). Our surname begins with G, and we've got a tree surgery business I just said it was too much.
My mum loves the name I have picked and so does his mum, but his step mum (who we live next too) doesn't really like it but says it's up to BOTH of you not just one sided. She keeps coming up with alternative names, asking the cousins to name it etc and I have to listen to it all but I know what I am calling him.
OH wants it to be a perfect name, everything he wants he gets normally. But I am not willing to budge on this. I fear that he will never find that 'perfect' name. It's actually making me dislike him. We've got about 3 months left and I know if I call it the name I want he's going to throw his toys out of the pram big time. Probably seems insignificant to many but Its really stressing me out. Has anyone been in this situation how did you resolve it to get a name you both wanted?

I think you both need to have an input on the name, you need to find a compromise.

You're never going to agree because his taste is embarrassingly appalling. A tree surgeon calling his child after a tree? I just can't even begin. Don't be bullied into this OP he needs to stop being so ridiculous.

How about:

• Rowan
• Aspen
• Elm?

All tree related.

We looked at Aspen but it was too close to my little girls name. The two he loves is Zuess and Forrest. I would be happy to find a way of meeting in the middle if he could come up with some normal names but so far that's what he's come up with. He's never going to find that perfect name, unfortunately not everything in this world can go his way and I feel this is one of these moments where I am going to have to stand my ground and say no, because otherwise this poor child's going to end up with some stupid name. He says the name I've chosen is too girly and not manly enough. I've chosen Reuben is it girly name?! I don't know but it just fits and goes well with the surname and my daughters name.

Reuben is a perfectly lovely name. He sounds slightly deranged to be honest and obsessed with appearing "manly" which is just odd.

Take a break from talking about it. Try again nearer the time.

Yes tell me about it, I don't know what the obsession is with a manly name. Anyway yep your probably right we don't really talk about it but it got brought up in Convo last night with the neighbours and then it got me thinking again. Guess I have just been suggesting the name Reuben to him in the hope he comes round to it, or he can think of a nice name and not a Greek god or tree 🤦

I think a reasonable compromise would be to let him choose the middle name if you have your choice of first name. Middle names hardly get used anyway. I think Reuben Forrest sounds nice, and that way you both get the names you really like. Otherwise I think you should discard both names and find something different that you both like.

My partner and I had trouble coming up with a boy’s name - everything he liked, I hated and vice versa. We just kept suggesting things to each other and eventually when I got to seven months pregnant one came up that we both liked.

I know a Reuben and he’s one of the blokiest blokes I know! Zuess is, well it’s not even a name - tell him the kid would have to wait around for ages to be checked off lists alphabetically ;)
Friends little boy is called Arlo which means a ‘fortified hill’ in old English but is a type of tree in Spanish. You could look at tree names in other languages?

Reuben is a manly name imo. I know two Reubens both under 2 and never thought of it as anything other than a normal boys names.

DH and I had a deal where if one of us were totally against a name then it was off the list and we had to think of others. In the end our boys name was one neither of us loved but we were both ok with. Thankfully we had a girl and had a name we both really liked for a girl but we would have both been happy with our boys name too.

My advice would be to stop asking family members. Other people's opinion isn't important at all. Once baby is here if family don't like the name you've chosen they won't express that unless they're incredibly rude. Before baby is here people can be really harsh with their opinions.

Get a pen and paper and search through the internet writing down any names you would consider to get a long, long list of possibilities, then you can start researching meanings, different pronunciations etc and then narrow the list down together.

I think it would be good to find a name you're both happy with if possible although I much prefer Reuben to Forrest or Zeus!

How about Oakley? Rowan?

You have three months until EDD, then a further 6 weeks until registration deadline.

Keep talking. The best outcome here is finding names which you two both like. So don't be too wedded to ones name now, and encourage DH to keep coming up with ones he likes - and you need to do the same - and then keep going until you are both happy.

You might find yourself changing your mind about your current preference, he might come up with something you unexpectedly love.

The important think is to remember that this is a joint decision, so working on it together for as long as it takes, is likely to bring the best outcome.

I don’t like his names but I can also fully understand him not liking Reuben. I agree with his step mum that you need to come up with a name you are both happy to choose and it seems that you haven’t found it yet.

Perhaps you could remind your husband that Zeus was a massive sex pest.. his famously noted for cheating on his spouse!!

Might put him off the name.

Good name for a dog though!

Ash? Or Ashton?

I think you both have to come up with some new options. I personally prefer Reuben to Zeuss (is that his spelling?) - but you're not having a baby with me! And I do think both parents need to agree, and neither of you should have to name your baby a name you hate.

So if you knock off Reuben, and he knocks off Forrest and Zeuss - have you both make a new list of say 5 and see what you think of each others.

I knew a guy called Cedar once, that's a tree isn't it? Also:
Rowan
Ash
Although naming his baby after his job is a little twee!

Tbh, I don't hate Forrest - especially as a middle name. Could you compromise by having Reuben (or another name you prefer) as a first name, with Forrest as a middle?

Me and my oh are the same it’s driving me insane can’t agree on one name we both like

I don't like his choices or yours but that's besides the point. The point is you need to come up with a name you both like - not choosing first name and middle name compromising. That's not fair. I think both if you ditch your top choice(s) and come up with a new list of 5 names each. And what's with the spelling of Zeus?

Also I know a Cedar and Rowan. Both girls.

Take a break from talking about names. Come back at it fresh in a couple of weeks. Then discuss between the two of you and nobody else the more people you involve the more differences of opinion you are trying to accommodate. So pick a name by what ever method you can (lists, vetos, short list and pick one from a hat, get your daughter to choose from approved suggestions) then tell no one. Present it to mums, step mums and cousins etc only once you are completely agreed, preferably once the baby is here (ideally once he is registered).

I have a ds Roan, love Ashton as pp said.

I agree with what others have said that you have to find a name you are both happy with. I would never agree to a name my OH loved but I wasn't keen on and vice versa. It may be that you need to meet your boy before something just clicks. Out of all the 'tree inspired names' i personally think Asher, Acer and Parker are the best of the bunch

You have my sympathies OP. When I was expecting dd my dh & I could not agree on a boys name. He wanted Alfie, and I wanted Jasper. There was no budging either of us, and we had quite a few heated discussions about it.
The problem was solved when we found out that dd was a girl - we both had the same favourite girls name thank goodness.
I’m now a bit too old to have another baby, but to prevent the same situation happening if a miracle did occur, we called our kittens Jasper & Alfie, and they suit their names perfectly 😁
As pp’s have suggested I would let things lie for a bit, and perhaps try to come up with another name that you like as much as Reuben. If you both dislike each other’s choice of names that much then perhaps both should be vetoed 😬

PS I love the name Aspen!

Not sure what happened with the emoji’s there, but the first one should have been a

I really like Aspen too, also like Oakley (which I know isnt to everyones taste). Agree with others, you both have to agree on the name, so keep searching. You will get there in the end. good luck!