Who did you tell?

[RMarieClaire]

Sorry if there are already a thousand threads on this, but I'm interested to know who you told you were pregnant in the first trimester?

I got my BFP a week a go, so still very early days. I've told my two closest friends - one of whom is pregnant and one of whom has a 6 week old son.

I'm toying with telling my parents next weekend - that would make me around 5/6 weeks pregnant. I am wary of telling too many people so early, but I won't see them otherwise until Christmas, when I'll be close to 12 weeks and I don't want to offend them by telling them so late. I also suspect they'll notice I'm not drinking as it's a family celebration - god knows how I'm going to get through Christmas party season!

A lot of my friends knew I was ttc, as I'd spoken to some of them about how we were finding it hard. I can't tell all of them though, surely? What a minefield!

Of course it's up to you but I told my immediate family and best friends. All the people I would want support from basically. I also told my boss (who I really trust and consider a friend) but that was just in case I needed time off etc.

Congratulations xx

For DS1 DH immediately and my health and safety officer at 14 weeks, along with parents. Everyone else 20 weeks.

I miscarried at 11 weeks and 9 weeks before plus I suspected my best friend was TTC so didn't want to upset more people than necessary.

First immediately remove all thoughts of “jinxing it” and only tell the folk you’re pregnant if they are the people you’d tell if you sadly miscarried.

I’m pg with my third. Had a mc between DC 1 and 2 at 11w and it hit me for six. But everyone I’d told was amazingly supportive.

This time round I’m ridiculously nauseous tired and grotty, moreso than before so I’ve had to share PLUS wear my baby on board badge to get a seat on the train.

If it all goes wrong I’d be just as devastated if I’d told no one. It’s a very personal thing.

Sorry for the overlong and cathartic post

Parents at 6 weeks. Rest of immediate family at 14 weeks, after T21 test. Stopped hiding it after good 20 week scan. Didn't announce anything, just didn't hide it.

My immediate team at work and boss as I was coming in late due to sickness. No one else except DP until after the 12 week scan. I would’ve hated everyone knowing if I miscarried.

because I'd had many miscarriages beforehand we told very few people, only my mum and maybe my sister as they knew all the ins and outs. DH didn't want to tell anyone at all before about 6 months, but he is a very private person.

Parents and siblings as soon as we knew. Anyone else when I saw them. So one friend at about 5 weeks the first time, not till 11 the next just because I didn't see her. A bunch of people at 10 weeks second time and 14 the third because there were weddings then so saw a lot of them in one go.

My first was a miscarriage and I never regretted telling anyone or did anything different the next two times. It meant a lot of my friends opened up about their own miscarriages and were glad to be able to.

First time nobody until after 12 week scan.
Second time one friend at 10 weeks. We were away camping and I was feeling rotten and not drinking. Then after 12 weeks told our families and general announcement at 20 weeks.

With our first I told some people I was on an online forum with (before husband even! . We told my parents, OH parents and our siblings at about 9 weeks.

This time, I've told a close friend, who then told me another mutual friend (from our october 14 babies fb group) is also preggers so I've told her. I've told one person at work. We're going to tell my parents next weekend (I'll be 6 weeks) because they're visiting (they live 250 miles away) and I really missed not telling them in person last time. We'll tell OH parents and family at Sinterklaas (dutch thing!) which is early december :)

I'm about 11 weeks or so and lots of my friends know already as I'm feeling so rough and had to cancel on nights out and stuff, most of our family knows also and some work colleagues and quite hard to lie to their faces when you have to push them out of the way to puke in the toilet !!

My parents and two best friends at around 8 weeks, everyone else (including boss) once we had our 12 weeks screening results - we waited for the blood tests not just the scan.

As pp have said - tell anyone you are comfortable with but I personally wouldn’t tell anyone who I wouldn’t want knowing if I miscarried...

I told pretty much everyone straight away. I had to tell my boss (there were things I couldn't be exposed to at work), so told close family as well. The the HG started at 6 weeks so it was fairly obvious. We didn't tell 'the world' until after the 12 week scan but everyone important knew by then.

In an ideal world I'd have kept it quieter for longer, because it made the pregnancy seem looong, and I hate fuss. But that's just the way it worked out.

Thanks! This is really helpful. I wasn't planning to tell too many people but I do feel if I miscarry I'll want other friends to know as I'll need their support. Might wait until a bit further along though. FX this sticks - it's very scary!

Immediate family and 2 close friends (one of whom is also my manager!) At 5 weeks, I was incredibly excited and if anything were to go wrong they'd be the people I'd want to know and who'd support me. Wider family and my team at work at 12 weeks. I felt absolutely rotten with horrible nausea from 6 weeks so having my manager know early was very useful. It also meant that my team were not at all surprised when I did tell them, my green palor, frequent trips to the ladies, late starts and new attachment to ginger nuts and plain crackers had apparently been a bit of a giveaway!

With both DC I told my dp 1st obv. Then my dad, my mil, my mum, my bro, my nan, my uncle then managers at work then colleagues I worked close with.

Is it weird that there are people I'll tell if I miscarry but might not tell them I'm pregnant before hand? I guess I'm worried that telling people will make it more real and exciting and so more painful if it fails.

Fx I don't have to tell my boss before 12 weeks. We're close but am hoping for a promotion and if this falls through worried they'll just mark me as someone who wants a baby and will be on maternity leave at some point soon.

guess I'm worried that telling people will make it more real and exciting and so more painful if it fails

As awful as this is that in itself is unlikely to make it more painful, miscarriages are shit and painful and upsetting and shocking and there’s little you can do to minimise things god forbid something should happen.

BUT as before, select whom to tell wisely regardless as some folk can be really annoying and overinvested in the pregnancies of others.

Wishing you the best and stay positive! If I can and I’m only 8 weeks anyone can x

speaking as someone who has miscarried a lot, the last thing I ever wanted was to tell lots of people, even close friends, because then I had to deal with their sympathy, and that was more than I could bear. But that is a very personal thing, and I very much hope not something you'll ever experience!

Told my dad the day before 12 week scan then other friends/family after 1st scan then anyone else after 20 week scan. Even then have only really tell people who ask, until baby is here and safe don't really feel the need to broadcast it.

It is entirely up to you OP. It really is nobody else’s business. If you want your parents to know then tell them, if not then delay until you are comfortable telling people.

I told no one, DH was desperate to tell his mother. I heard him say “don’t tell anyone else” because it was twins and I was 33. His cousin called the next week to ask when the babies were due.

28+4 with my 3rd baby just now. I told my nearest and dearest pretty much right away with my first two babies. I had a mmc last November which has made me super anxious during this pregnancy. When I found out it was my husband, brother and close friend of ours in the house so told them all more out of shock then only my mum. I didn't tell anyone else until after my 12 week scan which I actually dated 13+1. That's when I told my best friend and others, they were all really understanding that I had waited due to what had happened previously.

Both times we told my parents, PILs, and I told my closest friend. I also told some "online" friends too.

This time my son's childminder also rumbled me very early on.

It's a very personal choice. I can't imagine not telling anyone in the first trimester, but similarly I didn't want EVERYONE to know.

My mum and Dad. Then nobody until after the 20 week scan.

I told DP, my doctor and a few close family and friends after the first scan.

If I have another I'm telling everyone I'm due a month ahead of what I actually am and they won't be finding out I'm pregnant until I start showing and they ask. Way too much pressure and too many questions and fake interest last time. Not putting myself through that stress again.

Everyone at the 12 week scan