Who did you tell?

[RMarieClaire]

Sorry if there are already a thousand threads on this, but I'm interested to know who you told you were pregnant in the first trimester?

I got my BFP a week a go, so still very early days. I've told my two closest friends - one of whom is pregnant and one of whom has a 6 week old son.

I'm toying with telling my parents next weekend - that would make me around 5/6 weeks pregnant. I am wary of telling too many people so early, but I won't see them otherwise until Christmas, when I'll be close to 12 weeks and I don't want to offend them by telling them so late. I also suspect they'll notice I'm not drinking as it's a family celebration - god knows how I'm going to get through Christmas party season!

A lot of my friends knew I was ttc, as I'd spoken to some of them about how we were finding it hard. I can't tell all of them though, surely? What a minefield!

Anyone I've spoken with face to face from pretty much day 1. I'm a firm believer in talking about tough stuff so would not want to keep a miscarriage quiet. Plus I've now been off work for a month with terrible sickness; was the same with ds, so I need people at work to know. I will tell Facebook etc at the 12 week scan; currently 11 and 1.

This is really interesting to read the different view points. I only found out today and can be no more than 5 weeks. I'm dying to tell someone though! Lol

Once we knew I was pregnant we decided to wait until 12 week scan/checks as my MC chances were reasonably high.
I had a huge bleed at 7 weeks & was glad I didn't have to talk about it & could deal with everything privately.
Fast forward 16 weeks later & I found out I was actually still pregnant & baby was at 23 weeks!
We made lots of phone calls that night letting family know & told my manager at work.
Since then I have been seeing friends as & when available & surprising them with my baby bump! Last set of friends I'm surprising mid Nov when I'll be 30 weeks! 🤣🤣🤣

Following x

It is entirely up to you who you tell OP, but if you do want to have some control over who finds out and when then I’d recommend asking the people you tell not to pass it on. Also, be prepared for some family members to possibly have quite strong opinions.

DH and I are pregnant with our first, after a miscarriage earlier this year, and we told a few close friends and immediate family after the 12 weeks scan (although DH’s parents knew from 9 weeks as we spent a weekend with them and I couldn’t hide the morning sickness!). DH’s mother told other family members quite freely within a couple of days about our miscarriage and we are usually quite private people, so we asked her not to tell other family members about this pregnancy until we were ready. Unfortunately she really didn’t take that very well and she’s been a complete nightmare since then (to the extent she actually shouted at us for about 30 minutes in the middle of the high street 2 days after the scan!) and feels we put her in a very difficult position. It’s completely overshadowed the last couple of months to be honest, and had taken a lot of the fun out of sharing our news.

Sorry for the very long and cathartic post!! To summarise, honestly please do what’s best for you but don’t be surprised if other family members have opinions and try to apply some pressure.

My DH and I know. Obvs. Then a good friend who I needed some very specific work related advice from. Then nobody else. We're 8+4. I'm planning on telling my parents after our NIPT results are cleared. I will need to tell my new boss next week. That's all so complicated but I don't have much choice.

I had a mc at 11 weeks and those who knew visited and bought chocs and flowers and cuddles. I also reached out to those who didn't know.

I was lucky to get pregnant again and I really had the attitide of I don't know if this will last, I'm not sure I'll have the strength to try again so I'm gonna enjoy the pregnancy experience while I can.

I told my parents and mil at sunday lunch at 4 weeks! The next week was my birthday so I told everyone who came to my party. I really enjoyed everyone being happy for me especially those who knew of mc and being told 'you're glowing already'!!!

I'm 33 weeks now!

I also told everyone I worked with including my students as despite only telling the head teacher, all the staff new last time and I hated being the object of gossip post mc so I thought I'd put it out there myself. Lots of people were super kind and helpful!

My Mum, My aunt, 3 close friends

Will tell my Dad once I can assure him I am financially Ok because otherwise he'll worry although wouldn't be surprised if my aunt or mum got there first...

This is with DC3. DCs 1&2 the cat was well and truly out the bag but not my choice because he couldn't keep his damn trap shut!

I told two of my closest friends, one is a work colleague and he was the first person I saw the morning of the test (except DH) and I just told him as I was in shock and he could see something was strange about me!

We told close family about a week later.

I told close friends and family each time. It was better for me when I had a MC as they already knew I was pregnant I don't think I would have talked about my MC so much otherwise and for me it was therapeutic.

I'm sorry to hear what you went through @peachesarenom but great that you're 33 weeks now!

Really interesting to see everyone's different perspective. I have a doctors appointment on Monday and am planning on telling my parents the following weekend then no one till after first scan. Really hoping that will be before Christmas. I didn't ovulate till day 23 of my cycle so not sure how many weeks doctor will say I am.

Sounds a good plan RMarieClaire! I hope it all goes super smoothly for you xxx

I only told my immediate line managers (though two colleagues guessed) as what I could do work-wise was affected.
One colleague guessed after I declined to take part in a charity whitewater rafting event as that was so unlike me, and the other due to my reaction to the smell of coffee (turned around and walked out of the shop).